Moving Forward

I wake and sit to make a plan, I need to get a new phone, along with food. As much as I don’t want to leave today, I have to. At least to get food. Sitting with the tablet I brought, I look through the maps to find the closes shops, then ones farther away.

While going to the closest shops means I am out less, it will show I am close, so my plan is to avoid the closest ones. That way, even if I get seen in a shop, it won’t be the ones close to here.

Walking to the window, I stand and watch for a while, ensuring I don’t recognise anyone.

Once I feel safe, I get ready and walk out, my eyes constantly going to people and the cars as I make my way to the shops, the first one I buy a phone from, then I go to another shop and grab some food. Deciding to buy enough for a week.

I don’t want to be going out too much. Once I get a job, then yeah, I have to. Now though, I would rather avoid going out.

It feels strange to be alone after so long of not being. Sitting in the apartment, I don’t do anything other than listen to the muffled voices of people outside and the sound of cars passing.

I don’t sleep well, every night I wake, every noise has me thinking I have been found. I try to cover my head as I sleep, but then fear pulses through me because I can’t see what is around me.

I know I could ask my family for help, ask them for money. My dad would send it in an instant, but I don’t want to live on them. I don’t want to tell them the truth of what happened. I don’t want my dad finding out.

He will be disappointed, hurt and hate me. I should have walked sooner, I was foolish for not doing it, and telling him will destroy his life as well.

I decide to search for a job online, it gives me something to do to pass the time. I’m due to visit my parents. Yet, I’m worried, my mum will ask questions, a lot of questions. One’s I can’t answer.

My apprenticeship was lost, and there is no way I can get it back. Even if they offered me it, there would be no way for me to do it as it means going back there, and it isn’t safe. I debate it, sitting all day debating going home to my parents for a bit.

Deciding against it I send a message to my dad, a lie that I am busy with my apprenticeship and can’t visit for a few months. It will give more time for me to recover, the bruises and cuts will be gone which minimises the questions.

I know he isn’t happy that I aren’t going back, soon, but going back now means trouble, and telling them everything.

The month passes quickly, and I stay hidden away. I leave once a week to go to the shop, but other than that, I do nothing but stay inside.

I know I am worried for nothing. If I was getting tracked, I wouldn’t be here. I certainly wouldn’t be alone right now. Today I need to find a job, which means leaving the apartment and walking around.

Deciding it will be safer without my car, I walk. I know if they are watching for me, they will be looking for my car. I walk in and out of shops, restaurants, bars and clubs trying to find a job. The week passes before I finally get a job. It will cover the rent and food, and a few other things.

I can’t complain though. I begin to work at the small café. Sarah the owner is nice, I work every day but I hate that it is so open. That I can’t hide. If I had got a job elsewhere, somewhere behind the scenes it would be better.