1: The Fall

Sofia

Six months later

It was Monday afternoon, I lay on my bed going through my textbook, it was the only peaceful time I had before the family check-ins my family has put into place ever since I insisted on having Clara as my roommate.

"Sofia! You won't believe it!"

Clara burst through the door, her voice a little too loud.

"You are too loud, Clara," I whispered sitting appropriately on my bed while she rolled her eyes but that didn’t lower her voice.

"The first semester results are out! They are posted it like right now."

My heart did a little flip, I wasn’t expecting our results to be out this week. "Already?" I managed.

"Yep! Just got a text from Chloe. Hurry and check yours, I’m sure you are going to ace all the courses." Clara plopped into the chair opposite me, She put her rainbow colored hair into a messy ponytail, pulling out her phone, already scrolling through her social medias as she chewed gum loudly.

My hands trembled slightly as I pulled out my laptop. I quickly logged into my student portal, I clicked on the grade and truly it was out, my eyes quickly roamed through my result and my stomach dropped.

I saw two Fs which shook me to the core.

No! That wasn't possible.

I stared at the screen, blinking, trying to understand, how could I fail the simplest of all courses? These weren't even my hardest courses. They had to be wrong, it might be a glitch.

"Sofia? You okay? You look like you have seen a ghost," Clara said, finally looking up from her phone.

I couldn't speak, my throat felt tight and constricted. The thought of what my parents would say,

shattered everything inside of me, the carefully constructed image of the perfect daughter they had made of me, the diligent student, the future Mrs. Louis Carter.

"I... I failed," I finally choked out, the word feeling foreign and shameful on my tongue. "Two courses."

Clara's eyes widened slightly, but only for a second. Then she shrugged, a casual movement that made me want to scream. "Oh, man, that sucks. But hey, it happens! Trust me, I have failed plenty. You just retake them. NBD."

“What is NBD?”I asked trying to clear the tears blurring my vision.

“No big deal,” she shrugged again and I gave her a look.

NBD? No Big Deal? For her, maybe. Clara breezed through life on a wave of late nights, questionable choices, and an easy disregard for rules. She failed courses like other people changed their socks. But for me? This felt like a catastrophe. An F wasn't just a letter, it was a judgment. It meant an extra semester, it meant disappointing everyone especially my parents who are bent on rules.

"It's... a huge deal, Clara," I whispered, my voice thick with unshed tears. "I have never failed at anything before."

"Exactly! So now you have. Bucket list item checked off," she joked, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "Seriously though, don't sweat it. Talk to the profs, maybe there's a curve? Or you just crush the retake. It's fine."

She didn't understand, if only she understood the kind of family I came from. My head was spinning. I couldn't process this here, I needed... someone. Someone who understood and could offer comfort.

There was no one else but Louis, so I grabbed my phone, my fingers fumbling as I typed a quick message to him, We should meet up.

"I’m leaving," I mumbled to Clara.

"Okay? Everything alright?" she asked, a flicker of genuine concern in her eyes.

"Yeah, fine. Just..." I had nothing else to say and I walked out. Louis and I agreed to meet at the garden near the philosophy building.

I saw Louis sitting on a bench and I slowly walked over to meet him. Louis and I started dating because my parents insisted on it, he was the perfect match, they said. The man God intended for me and I had tried so hard to believe in them.

He looked up as I approached, "Sofia? What's wrong? You look distressed."

The tears I had been holding back finally spilled over. I sank onto the bench beside him, burying my face in my hands. "Oh, Louis," I sobbed, my voice muffled. "It's the results. I... I failed."

He stiffened beside me. "Failed? Failed what?"

"Two courses. Ethics and Philosophy," I whispered, the shame burning hotter now that I was saying it out loud to him.

"You have never failed before, Sofia." He mumbled

"I know!" I cried, looking up, tears streaming down my face. "That's why I'm so upset! I don't know how it happened."

He looked at me, his gaze piercing and accusatory. "Do you want to know my opinion, Sofia?"

"Yes, please, Louis," I pleaded.

"I think this is a direct result of your association with that girl, Clara," he stated flatly.

My jaw dropped. "What?"

"She is not a good influence, Sofia. She is worldly. She rejects the ways of the Lord. She parties, she dresses immodestly, she surrounds herself with loose company. I warned you about spending so much time with her and now look you are failing courses. You are deviating and your focus has shifted from your studies and your spiritual walk to... I don't know what. Her influence must be seeping into your life."

I stared at him, stunned into silence. My tears dried on my cheeks, replaced by a burning, furious heat. He wasn't trying to comfort me, he was blaming me, blaming Clara. Attributing my academic failure to some supposed moral decay caused by my roommate.

"You... you think Clara made me fail?" I asked trying to comprehend all he just said.

"Her lifestyle, her choices, her attitude towards diligence and piety, yes. It is clearly having an effect. This is what happens when you stray from the path, Sofia. When you allow yourself to be swayed by the secular world instead of focusing on your responsibilities, on your studies, on your family, and on God."

I stood up from the bench, my legs feeling shaky but the tears were gone replaced by anger and more clarity, I couldn't do this, I couldn't marry this man, I couldn't live this life anymore.

"I can't do this, Louis," I said, my voice steady despite the tremor in my hands.

He looked confused. "Can't do what? Retake the courses? Of course, you can. With God's help and renewed focus away from negative influences, you will succeed."

"No," I said firmly, shaking my head. "I can't do us. I can't marry you."

"What? Don't be ridiculous, Sofia. We are getting married. It's been agreed that as soon as you finish school, we will proceed."

"No!" I screamed, the word tearing from my lungs, "No, it's not agreed! I don't want to marry you, Louis! I don't want a man like you! I don't want someone who blames my failures on 'deviating from the Lord' or who thinks my roommate is a 'bad influence'! I'm tired! I'm tired of trying to be the person everyone expects me to be! I'm tired of the rules and the judgment and the constant fear of disappointing somehow!"

He stood up too, "Sofia, lower your voice! You are being hysterical. This is not the time. You have failed some courses, it is upsetting, yes, but that is no reason to…”

"It is every reason!" I cut him off, my voice still loud, fueled by years of suppressed frustration. "This isn't just about the courses! This is about my life! My whole life! I go to church, I study, I stay away from men, what else do you all want me to do?! Why are you all so judgmental?“I sniffed shaking my head in anger,  “I don't want this life anymore! I don't want you! We are done, Louis.”

I didn't wait for his response. My heart was pounding like a drum against my ribs I turned and walked away, away from the garden, away from Louis.

I walked blindly back to my hostel and slumped on the bed, crying my eyes out. Why is everything associated with my belief? How can I have a judgmental family and I still have to marry a man like them?

My phone started ringing and I picked it up, it was Louis, I ignored the call, the call came in again severally times from my dad, my mom, and my brother. I ignored all of them while I cried.

The door suddenly opened and Clara came in, She was shocked to see me crying, “What the hell Sofy?” she mumbled and pulled me into a hug while I cried my eyes out.

“Shhh! It’s okay, why not come with me, I can make you forget today ever happened and I promise you, you won’t regret it,” Clara uttered and I look up at her blurry face due to the tears, I saw the faint smirk on her lips but I don’t know why, I felt propelled to say yes to her request.