Kieran - Out of Arm's Reach

I’m up early on Monday morning, grateful to be getting out of the house. I have breakfast before the rest of the family is up and grab my backpack before making the trek to Miss Caldwell’s diner on 7th. The morning sun isn’t as hot as it will be this afternoon, so the sweatshirt isn’t bothering me yet.

The walk to the diner takes close to ten minutes as I’m not rushing. I’m so used to this town, the people, but everything is off.

Townspeople I grew up around are making their ways around town, going to work, walking their dogs or going for their morning runs.

Many of the people I pass give me small smiles; pitying, sympathetic smiles. I hate it. I don’t need anyone’s pity. What I need is to be treated the way I was before. Right now, looking around at the people staring, the people pausing to gawk, I fear it may be an impossible thing to ask.

When I make it to the diner, I can breathe properly. I step inside and let the scent of breakfast foods envelope me. Miss Caldwell’s diner always manages to bring me some reprieve.

I’ve spent most of my days here every summer for as long as I can remember. Its where Drew and I escaped from our family’s overbearing nature. Its where I watched Macy and Jayda make out as though they weren’t in public.

I only started working at the diner the summer I turned sixteen. Miss Caldwell let Lucas work as the secondary chef and asked me to waitress. In part, it was because she didn’t want Lucas to feel alone.

“Kieran,” a woman’s voice calls. I turn to see Miss Caldwell smiling at me. “You’re here,”

I nod. “Hi, Miss Caldwell. I got here on Saturday,”

“Yes, Luke told me he spoke with you,”

As if he heard his name, he walks into the room.

“Luke, please get Kieran her apron,” she says to him as I place my backpack on the stool by the counter.

“It’s okay, I know where it is,”

“Nonsense,” she says, waving a dismissive hand. “Luke.” She gives her nephew a pointed look.

He disappears to the doors that lead to the break room, coming out a minute later.

“Hey,” he says, handing me the apron.

“Thanks,”

Standing a few inches away, he looks down at me like he wants to say something, but after a few seconds, he walks into the kitchen. We haven’t spoken since that short conversation on Saturday, but he messaged me on I*******m. I didn’t respond. I don’t have anything to say to him.

“Kieran, honey, you know where the restrooms are,” Miss Caldwell says, gesturing to my clothes.

“Oh, right, sorry. Is it okay if I keep my sweater on with the skirt and apron?”

A look of understanding passes through her features. “Of course,”

“Thank you. I’ll be out in a minute,”

The day is long, hot and irritating. As with my walk to work, the patrons in the diner stare and whisper. My parents both grew up in this town and they didn’t leave until they got married. I basically grew up with her as well. They’ve been gone for over two months and its all anyone thinks about when they see me.

As I move on to the last table of people who haven’t ordered, I spot Lucas by the front door. He should be in the kitchen, making food. He stands by the window, his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He looks to be deep in thought.

I ignore the voice in my head wondering if he’s okay and get back to work. During my break, I head to the break room with an egg sandwich and a can of coke. Miss Caldwell sits in one of the chairs in the corner, doing paperwork.

The door swings open and Lucas walks through, tossing his apron on the chair next to mine. He takes a seat across from me. Ignoring his eyes on me, I take a bite out of my sandwich.

“Kieran,” he says, my name sounding like something foreign. It’s always been ‘Denver’.

“Can we please talk?” he asks, leaning onto the table.

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

He gives me a blank look. “Really?”

I lift a shoulder.

“I didn’t know,” he says quietly. I raise an eyebrow. “About your parents,”

I nod.

“You don’t believe me,”

“I didn’t say that,”

“Your face does,”

“Okay. Do you really expect me to believe that you didn’t know? Your aunt does. You live next to my grandparents,”

“I know it seems hard to believe.” He sighs. “I’ve been a little checked out for the last few months. I haven’t really been paying attention to anything or anyone around me,”

I nod again.

“Kieran,” he says, frustrated.

“What, Lucas?”

He lets out a sigh. “I’m trying to apologize,”

“That’s your idea of an apology?”

“Kieran, I’m sorry for asking a very stupid question I should have known the answer to,”

I take a sip from my coke.

“I’m also very sorry about your parents. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I know we haven’t been close for a while, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll be here. I may not understand, but they meant a lot to me,”

“I know,” I say to him. I put my sandwich down. “Are you okay?”

He nods. “I’m fine.”

Right. “Well, if you want to talk about anything, I’m here for you, too,”

He shakes his head. “Like I said, I’m fine,”

“Fine. Whatever,” I say, averting my gaze and getting back to my food.

It’s just like Lucas to close up when the conversation shifts to him. He wants me to talk, to open up, but he won’t. It used to be easier for him to do so, but he started pushing me away until I was way, way out of arm’s reach.