Chapter 3

   

                    “Calm down, okay?” Helene whispered, comforting me. I was still crying. There’s just too much pain. I can’t even utter a word!

   

                        I am too scared to look at my phone again. Knowing that the message is still there is enough to make my heart swell.

   

                    How can they know about this?

   

                    I did everything to hide this, but how?

   

   

                    Pain entered my body as I remember the time when I first saw the picture.  

   

                                    - - - -

   

                    I walk towards the door feeling anxious of what’s going to happen in the next minutes. For a first time in a while, I skipped class just for my personal reasons.

   

                    Usually, I would skip class to decorate rooms. Or maybe do tasks that my teachers assigned to me and our Organization. But this time it is different.

   

                    My hands were trembling as I twisted the knob to get inside the room. I walked slowly. Feeling my feet glued on the floor as my knees were wobbling.

   

   

                    “Miss, De Lapaz.” I raised my head and saw a woman dressed in a white coat. Her blonde hair is tied into a bun. Her almond eyes sincerely welcomed me inside her clinic.

   

                I closed the door behind me and took a sit on the chair that was placed near her table.

   

                    “What course are you taking?” she asked after a series of question about pregnancy. She’s wondering if how can a girl like me, a university student, on a weekday, with class hours, is doing in her clinical.

   

                    “Communication Arts,” I softly replied and smiled awkwardly. My hands were trembling and I can feel my sweat pouring in my face.

   

   

                       She gave me a genuine smile and asked again, “first time?”

   

   

                    I nodded and gulp the lump from my throat. I played with my university vest just to ease the tension in my palms. Somehow, the friction helped me calm down.

   

                    “Well, we need to know the baby’s age in your tummy, mommy.”

   

                    I nodded and closed my eyes when she did her work to know how long I was carrying a child.

   

   

                        I just recently had my pregnancy test and I was not sure if I was really pregnant. All I know is that I’ve been experiencing symptoms such as mood swings and cravings. I can’t rely much on my period since it is irregular. I am in denial, but seeing my kid in the monitor and hearing her heartbeat for the first time made me cry.

   

   

                        “Mommy, you are ten weeks pregnant, and based on our ultrasound everything is healthy.” She explained to me the things I need to know; guided me when I asked her questions. She’s also kind to prescribe me the vitamins I needed.

   

   

                    I am too happy to think what else is happening in the world. I am too contended to know that I am bearing a child. Too excited to meet her.

   

   

                    Despite the happiness I felt, there was always my anxiety of how I am going to get through this. No one has to know about this. No one has to know that the student council president is carrying a child.

   

   

                    I sadly sighed and took the picture from my wallet to hug it.

   

   

                    “Mommy is going to protect you.”

   

   

- - - - - -

   

   

                    “Just eat, miss.” Helene pleaded when I just played with my food. It is already cold and the wine was back to its room temperature.

   

   

                    My eyes were puffed due to the scenario. I can’t stop thinking about it.

                                     I can’t stop thinking about my baby.

   

                    “I lost my appetite,” I whispered. My voice was hoarse and unrecognisable. There’s just too many lump on my throat and every time I tried swallowing it, I felt like crying.

   

                      

                    I left Helene in the dining room eating her food. I went inside the elevator and pressed the buttons to the rooftop.

   

                   The fresh breeze welcomed me as soon as the doors opened. I walk towards the greenhouse and opened the door.

   

                    The plants greeted me. I inhaled the bitter sweet scent of this house. Many years had passed yet the old woman in the penthouse is still taking good care of this place. She said that taking care of these plants remind her of her daughter, whom she left with her best friend to give her a bright future.

   

                    I don’t know what she’s talking about. Knowing her financial status is above average, she can give the world to her kid. But the pain and regret in her eyes showed that it is more than just the money.

       

                        I stared at the little flowers that are blooming near the pavement of the greenhouse.

   

                    I miss you, Celine.

   

                    I cried again as I remembered her. My baby. How long has it been since I thought of you?

   

                   How are you, Celine?

   

                   Just like the old woman, I too am full of regret. Up to this day, I can’t imagine doing that thing to Celine.

   

                          The tears were never ending. So is my feeling of agony and torment for the decision I did years ago. I do regret it, but seeing that I did the right thing back then, was enough comfort for me.

       

                        Now, someone other than Andy, Helene, and I, know the secret. I can’t help but feel the pain again.

       

                        I was too caught up building my walls again to know that only a reminder of her is enough to shatter it down. I am too confident that my enemies will never find out about her existence.

   

                        I buried her memory along with my feelings for her, just so I can stand up with my feet and be the one they can call invincible. I was no bad mother. I only did what is best for us both.

       

                     I don’t know how long has passed when I just felt a tap on my back. I glanced and saw the old woman who happens to be my neighbour and the caretaker of this garden, Miss Salvador.

   

                    “What brings you here, Lucille?” she asked addressing me in my second name. Her worried face showed empathy, the thing I needed long time ago.

   

                    “Just remembered a memory.”

   

                       She smiled and gave me her handkerchief. I accepted and it. As soon as my hands touched the soft fabric, my eyes swell again.

   

   

                       “You must be in pain for too long,” she uttered and tapped my shoulders to comfort me.

   

   

                            “I honestly didn’t know how long has it been since I let these tears get out.” I sniffed and used the handkerchief she gave me.

   

                        Miss Salvador became my comforter after I left home and moved onto this building. She never once asked me about my life or how I was living it, but she was always there for me whenever I was at my worst, that even Helene can’t handle.

   

   

                       “Hush child.” Her tone soothed me. I snaked my arms around her body and squeezed it tightly. I cried in her arms just like the girl I was before.

   

   

                       “Someone knew who I am, before this fame,” I spoke out of pain.

   

   

                        I may never tell her the whole detail of my story and how I was before, but I surely know that she understands me more than the average people would.

   

   

                       “I tried so hard to forget who I am. And after all these years of forgetting, only a photo is enough to shatter that wall and make me remember everything.”

   

                        “Hush,” she whispered and kissed my head and hugs me tightly.

   

                        “I really don’t know what to do, Miss.” I wasn’t comfortable in sharing my problems ever since I was in college. I learned that it was bothersome and others have their own problems too. Sharing mine will just give them another headache.

   

                   But now, Miss Salvador is here comforting me in the greenhouse of the building, with the afternoon breeze slowly brush the plants and the vines that are blocking us from the afternoon heat. It was enough to give her a piece of my broken vase.

   

                    For years of lying I become honest with my words.

   

                        I may be that strong to face the public, and its harsh criticism about me. I may be numb to feel their distaste with my presence. But I can never admit that I was in pain for the things I did years ago.   

                    Well maybe until now. That photo triggered me. It is enough to make me vulnerable again.

   

                        “Retrace your steps my child,” she advised. “Know what happened back then, who you were with. Let go of your fear and anxiety to learn the truth you’ve been seeking in the clouds of in denial.”

   

                    “How?”

   

                    “No more running from it. Face it like how you face the press in your world now.”

   

- - - - -

                    Her words kept me awake. It is already night and I just had dinner in the restaurant at the building. I didn’t disturb Helen’s slumber and just went to my own room.

   

                    Who knew what happened that year?

           

                    It was only me, Andy, and Helene.   Helene was with me the whole time and Andy has her career abroad. She would never spill any secrets about us. She knew how delicate I am when it comes to this.

     

                       “Cairo.” His name tastes acid as I muttered it.

   

   

                           It has been years since I spoke that name. Until now, there is bitterness and so is his role in my life.

       

                        Of course, how can I forget the man who stepped me like I was rat in the sewer?

   

                    The man who made me bitter, the man whose name brings havoc in my life if I ever face him again.

       

                     Without hesitation, I grabbed my burner phone and inserted my disposable sim. I immediately dialled my private investigator.

   

                    “What can I do for you?” There was a hint of recognition in her voice, as if she’s been expecting my call.

    

                        “Bring me everything you can find about Cairo Jose Buenavista.”