Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Cory unlocked his hotel room and headed inside. I just stayed, standing awkwardly in the doorway until he called me in. I was hesitant at first, but I’m not sure why, before I went in and closed the hotel room door. He was walking around, grabbing random things and shoving them into a bag he had on the bed.

‘I can’t believe you’re here doing this because she wants to change her outfit’. He didn’t look at me or even acknowledge that I had even spoken. I got the hint. ‘How long are you staying?’ He stopped for a moment and sighed.

‘I don’t know, got this hotel booked for a few days, but we’ll see, might stay a bit longer if mum needs me to’. I just nodded. What about me? What if I needed him to? Almost like he could hear my thoughts, he came over to me and stroked my damp cheek with the back of his hand. ‘You know I’ll always be here for you too, right?’ I just nodded. ‘Whenever you need me, even if I’m not physically here, I’m just a phone call away’.

‘Right. For your little sister, huh?’ I smiled sadly, but there was a flash of something in his expression. It only lasted for a second, but I noticed it. ‘Right?’ I asked again. He smiled, but I could tell it was forced;

‘Right. Of course'. He went to move away, but something in me told me not to let him go. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him there. He didn’t stop me, but I could see the confusion. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing just…’ I trailed off, not really sure how to explain it. ‘Cory… I-’ I stopped myself again and sighed, letting him go. I was crazy. Was I really about to just profess my feelings for my brother in the middle of his hotel room ON THE DAY OF OUR DADS FUNERAL?

Yes. The answer was yes. I was crazy.

‘What is it?’ He asked. ‘What’s wrong?’ I just shook my head, but once again he placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head up. My eyes instantly locked on his, and I SWEAR I felt some unseen pull between us, like, if we touched fingertips right now, there would be an electrical charge. ‘Tell me’. His voice was barely audible.

‘I can’t’. I whispered back just as quietly. He lowered his head, his face inches from my own. God, i wanted to just…just fucking kiss him.

‘Tell me’. He repeated.

‘I…I….’ And then, as if my body was on autopilot, as if I had no control over myself anymore, I practically jumped forward and kissed him. His lips were soft, warm... And completely unmoving. He wasn’t kissing me back.

Oh no. What have I done?!

Like reality and sanity were once again in control, I pulled away from him and took a step back. He was frozen in place. Not blinking. Not moving. Not speaking, just… staring at me, and then slowly his expression started to change.

He was… horrified.

‘What the actual fuck was that?!’ He demanded. Not shouting, but very angry, clearly.

‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I-’

‘I don’t care. That's disgusting! I’m your brother!’. Ok, now he was making me feel like utter shit. I guess rightly so, but still.

‘I’m sorry’. I said again, my voice cracking a little. ‘I’m so fucking sorry!’. He dramatically wiped his mouth and turned away from me. Without another word, he went over and grabbed Sarah’s bag off the bed and stormed over to the door. Keeping my head down, I followed him.

…The walk back home was going to be awkward and silent, and I really didn’t think it was possible for today to get any worse…

Boy, was I wrong!

Arriving back home, Cory instantly went off to find Sarah. He hadn’t spoken a single word or even looked at me the whole way home. I felt… awful. So fucking awful. Guilty and disgusting. I shouldn’t have kissed him, I know that, but I just couldn’t help myself.

He was flirting with me… wasn’t he?

God, I feel like I’m gaslighting myself now.

No. He WAS flirting with me, which was… odd. New. He’s never done that before… And then I kissed him. I groaned and leaned back against the front door. Scanning the rooms around me, they were full. It seemed like literally everyone from the church had come back here; I should have guessed by the number of cars out on the street that we would have a full house.

As I continued to look from room to room, Cory and Sarah appeared in the dining room. They were talking about something, and it looked like it was getting pretty heated; neither looked happy. She snatched the bag from his hand and walked away again. I watched as he dipped his head back in annoyance and let out a sigh… and then his head turned… and he saw me.

I felt frozen on the spot… until he scrunched up his face in disgust and followed in the direction Sarah had gone.

I could feel fresh tears burning behind my eyes, and for once today, it wasn’t because of my father. Before they could break free, I bolted for the stairs and ran all the way up to my bedroom, opening and slamming the door behind myself.

As soon as I did, I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I went over and collapsed on top of my bed, crying into my pillow like my heart was completely shattering all over again.

I cried and cried and cried until I felt like I had no more tears left to shed, and when that happened, I finally got up and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked AWFUL!

My face was grubby, my hair was a mess, and my clothes were damp from the rain on the walk home. Deciding it would be easier to have a shower and change into something more comfortable, I gathered up my things and headed to the bathroom…