Flashbacks

"Say cheese!" My mother who seemed unusually excited chimed in her shrill voice to grab the attention of the room full of people, standing in scattered small clusters, as she took pictures of them and their loud smiles. A moment captured in time forever, a memory which would hardly ever be recalled again but it succeeded in achieving what she wanted.

To show how happy and silly we were. The truth? Not so much. 

That was the point. These pictures, these happy smiles, these parties, it has always been the point. To avoid suspicion, to act normal, to blend in. Getting people's affirmations felt like having a subconscious conscience where everything they did was justified, and they knew that if something ever happened then they will always be supported by these people who didn't know the harsh reality of their true faces. 

She tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear as for a moment her facade broke and with that still pearly white smile on her face she spotted me and looked at me in a certain way which I was too familiar with. 

I stood out like a sore thumb here. In my white dress, neatly pleated hair, emotionless face, quiet and alone. It didn't come to me, naturally or unnaturally. As if that piece was missing from me, snatched away. I couldn't bring myself to even smile back at the several smiling faces that would often questioningly look at me and perhaps wonder what was wrong with this sunken-eyed girl with a dark cloud all around her. Something that repelled everyone around. 

I turned away and walked to another room in search of a safe place where the chatter wasn't so loud, and I was invisible to the prying eyes of the people whose attention was on people other than me even if it was for one day. A day that I always looked forward to for reasons not common to most. 

Upstairs looked like a good option but an option I was not provided. My grounds were strictly restricted to the three rooms downstairs occupied by the people to show that I was doing okay. I am fine. So that the screams or quiet whispers, whatever reached them were wrong and just something they might have imagined or heard were false tales.

The living room, the study, and the dining room.

None of them were empty yet the only available options I could choose from. Walking into the study room felt overwhelming because I was never allowed there. It was a mixed feeling of cautiousness and something new that I hardly ever felt. Peace. 

I walked over to the windowsill and sat on the tufted cushion with a soft sigh on my lips. Pulling my knees up to my chest, trying to warm my cold self as the night glistened outside in the moonlight, on the snowflakes that drifted softly down on the earth. Quietly, making sure to not bother anyone. It must be cold outside too.

Their voices still loud and clear, it was hard to be alone. Well, I was never really alone, and yet I always was. Their eyes always on mine some way or the other. Making sure I didn't break the rules, making sure I did what I was told to do, making sure I kept quiet, making sure I pretended when they wanted me to.

I was good at pretending. Always have been. Like right now as I pretended to walk perfectly fine with a sprained ankle, bruises and cuts on my back, arms and a harmless, perfectly reserved, stoic face devoid of any emotions. I'd give myself that. I was good at pretending. 

Sometimes if I tried enough, just hard enough...I could even pretend that I wasn't here. 

A deep sigh closed eyes and I could pretend. The voices died down around me as I breathed and let myself breathe as deeply as I could. Feeling the chill cocoon, hold me in its prickling yet gentle caress. I was there. Alone. With no one around. Just me. 

Only if that was true. 

I didn't notice the stranger that stood in that room, staring at me with eyes sharper than the ones I was used to. A mind so dark and twisted that in a way you can't deny the genius his dexterous abilities because the plans he had swirling in his head from the moment he laid eyes on me was something no one could foresee.