First Heat

The night after the village left, I bled.

Not from feet. Feet were healing, pink now, wrapped in clean furs. Not from wrists — rope marks almost gone, only thin white lines left where knots tied by teeth had been.

This blood was different. Between legs. In village, girls bled every moon, Mama said it was curse from Moon for being woman. We used rags. It was normal.

But this bleeding was not normal bleeding. It smelled sweet.

I woke in middle of night, Luna room hot from fire, grey shirt — Kael's shirt — stuck to back with sweat, and sheets under me wet, not just blood, something else, slick, sweet smelling, like honey and milk.

And I was hot. Too hot. Like fever, but not fever, because I wanted cold, but also wanted heat. Wanted Kael's chest, which was bare and hot always. Wanted his hands on my waist again, like at Blood Tree.

I sat up, confused, legs shaking.

Kael was not on floor in wolf form. He was outside door, I heard breathing. But breathing was heavy, fast, not sleeping breathing — awake, angry breathing.

"Kael?" I whispered.

No answer, but growl.

Beta Mara burst in without knock, face pale, holding nose.

"Oh Moon — Luna — you are in heat," she whispered, rushing to window to open it, cold air in. "Human heat! Early! I thought humans don't have heat until 20!"

"Heat? I'm bleeding, I'm sick?" I said, holding grey shirt to legs, embarrassed.

"No, not sick! Mate heat! First time human Luna smells like wolf Luna, but sweeter! Because marking is close! Your body wants marking! Wants pup!" She grabbed furs and pulled them off bed. "You need cold water, now! And Alpha must leave! Now!"

"Leave? Why?"

But then I smelled him — pine and smoke, stronger than ever, coming through door crack, and my body — my stupid body — reacted, slick more, heat more, and I made sound I never made before, small whine.

Outside door, Kael roared, hitting door with fist, not opening, but hitting.

"OUT! ALL OUT OF DEN! NOW!" His voice, not man voice, full Alpha roar that shook stones. "MALES OUT! BETA FEMALES ONLY! NO MALE TOUCH HER! I WILL KILL ANY MALE WHO SMELLS HER!"

Footsteps — many, running. Wolves obeying Alpha, even though confused.

Mara locked door bar, heavy wood, and put wet cloth on my forehead.

"Listen to me, Elise," she said fast, hands shaking. "Human first heat is dangerous, because your scent — sweet — calls every unmated male, even mated males go crazy a little. Alpha worst. He smells you and his wolf wants to mark and breed now, right now, no waiting. If he marks you in heat, bite goes deeper, because wolf can't control. You could die. So we keep him out until heat passes. Three days."

Three days again. Always three days.

"But... but I'm cold and hot same time," I whispered, clutching shirt, because wet cloth didn't help, heat was inside, not outside. "And I want... I want Kael."

"I know," Mara said, sad smile. "That's heat. You want him because Moon wants you to have pups. But you are not ready — feet still healing, body still healing from White Peak. If he breeds you now, pup could come and you die."

Pup again. Always pup.

Outside door, Kael was pacing — I heard bare feet on stone, claws clicking, breathing like he ran miles.

"Elise?" he called, voice broken, half growl. "Elise, are you okay? Tell me you okay, little mate, please... scent is too sweet, I can't... I can't think..."

He hit wall. Stone cracked.

Mara shouted through door: "Alpha, go to river! Cold river! Now! We have her!"

"No! I stay! Guard door! If any male comes—"

"No male will come, you scared them all away! Go to river, or you will break door and hurt her in rut!"

Rut. I knew that word — male wolves when female in heat, they go crazy, want to mate, can't stop.

Kael growled, but I heard him walking away, each step heavy, like legs didn't want to leave.

When his scent faded a little, my heat faded little too, enough to breathe.

Mara brought cold water bowl and washed between my legs, like mother, not embarrassed. Water helped, cold helped.

"You are strong Luna," she murmured, washing sweet slick away, but more came. "Human Luna heat is stronger than wolf Luna heat, because human body not used to it. Wolf females have heat every 3 moons, they know. You never had. So first is worst."

"Will it happen every 3 moons?" I asked, holding shirt tight.

"Yes, if not marked and pregnant. If marked, heat stops until pup weaned. If pregnant, no heat at all. So marking helps."

Marking again.

I lay back, grey shirt wet with sweat, and looked at ceiling with wolf tapestries.

"Does Kael... does he have rut every 3 moons too?" I asked.

"Alpha rut is worse," Mara said, wringing cloth. "Alpha rut can last 7 days, no sleep, no food, just wants mate. He had rut after Lira died too, but no mate, so he fought 10 males and killed 2, broke mountain. That's why he has scars. Now with you in heat, his rut came early. He will be in river all night, in snow, trying to be cold."

River. Snow. Bare chest. For me.

Guilt came, even through heat.

"He shouldn't be cold because of me," I whispered.

"He wants to be cold," Mara said. "Better cold than hurting you. He loves you, Elise. In 10 years, I never saw him love. Lira — he loved, but quiet love. You — he loves like storm. He broke Trial law, he offered new deal to village, he said pack dies with him. That's storm love. Storm love is dangerous, but warm."

Storm love. Yes.

Night passed slow. Heat came in waves — one hour hot and sweet and wanting Kael so much I cried, next hour cold and bleeding and tired. Mara stayed, washing, giving water, changing rags, opening window to keep scent from spreading.

Outside, no male breathing near door, but far, I heard splashing — river — and low howling, not angry, but pained.

Kael, in cold river, in snow, howling because scent too sweet and door locked.

Second day, heat worse. I couldn't wear grey shirt anymore, too hot, so Mara gave me thin sheet. My neck — side where marking would be — throbbed, pulse fast, like it wanted teeth.

"Mark me," I whispered to Mara in afternoon wave, delirious. "Call Kael, tell him mark me now, I want, I want—"

"No," Mara said firm, holding my hands so I wouldn't scratch neck. "You say that because heat talks, not you. When heat gone, you may regret. Luna must ask for mark when not in heat, so Alpha knows it's true want, not Moon trick."

"But I do want," I cried, tears mixing with sweat. "I want his bite, I want his—"

"I know," she said, stroking hair like Mama never did. "But wait."

Third night, last night of heat, fever broke a little. I could think again.

I sat up, thin sheet around, hair wet, and listened.

No pacing outside door. No breathing.

"Where is Kael?" I asked, scared.

Mara looked at window — dark, snow falling.

"Still river, I think. Alpha hasn't come back since yesterday morning. Young wolves say he stayed in water, in wolf form, to keep cold. He won't come until your scent fades, or he will lose control."

He stayed in cold river two days for me. While I was warm in room with fire.

I stood, wrapped feet still sore but okay, and went to door, unlocked bar — heavy.

"Elise, no!" Mara shouted. "Scent still—"

"I know," I said. "But I need to tell him I'm okay. And that... that I want mark after heat, when I'm not heat. So he knows."

I opened door, thin sheet, bare feet, heat scent still sweet but fainter, and saw hall empty, torches low.

And at end of hall, open door to outside, snow coming in, and big black wolf sitting in snow, not moving, covered in ice on fur, gold eyes closed, breathing slow, frost on whiskers.

Kael. In wolf form, waiting in snow outside, not inside, so scent wouldn't drive him crazy.

He heard door open, gold eyes opened, saw me in thin sheet, and whined, but didn't move closer.

"Elise, go inside," he growled, wolf voice, broken. "Scent... still sweet... I will... I will hurt you if I come..."

I didn't go inside.

I walked — slow, feet hurting — through snow in hall, thin sheet, and knelt in snow in front of big black wolf who was ice-covered for me.

I put hand on his icy fur, cold burning my hand.

"You are cold," I whispered.

"You are hot," he whispered back, wolf voice, nose twitching, smelling my heat but staying still, claws digging into stone to not touch me.

"When heat gone," I said, forehead to his icy forehead, like he did to me once, "will you mark me? Not because heat, because I want?"

His gold eyes went wide, ice cracking off fur as he shook.

"Yes," he said, voice barely wolf, barely man. "Yes, little mate, when heat gone, if you still want after you can think, I will mark, gentle, slow, so you live. I promise on Lira and on you."

"Okay," I said, and my heat — last wave — made me press closer to his cold fur, and he let me, but didn't bite, didn't touch with claws, just breathed, letting his cold cool my hot.

We stayed like that, human girl in thin sheet and black wolf covered in ice, in open doorway with snow falling on both, until my heat scent finally faded at dawn of fourth day, and Mara found us sleeping like that, forehead to forehead, and covered us both with furs.