25: Why Can’t You Love Me?

AVA-ROSE'S POV

The Drexel Forest Pack had been gloomy in the days leading up to my great escape. The sky was dark during the days and even darker at night, with thick grey clouds hanging over the forest as though the sun and moon had finally grown tired of this miserable place.

I couldn't blame them.

I read Winnie's note a few more times before tossing it into the fireplace.

The Witch Elders said no.

I cared zero what those Witch Elders said. Ashley was coming with me. The only problem was that I had no idea how the hell I was going to sneak her out of Sharptooth territory. Her wolf was bound, which meant she couldn't shift and run, and I couldn't exactly stroll onto Alpha Roland's land and ask him if I could borrow his daughter indefinitely.

Opal was my only connection to Ashley, and somehow, I had to find a way to get a message to her and have Ashley meet us somewhere without anyone becoming suspicious. It sounded simple when I thought about it like that, except it wasn't simple at all.

I watched Winnie's note turn black before the flames swallowed the last four words.

'They're going to be pissed,' Kennedy warned.

'I know, but how much more pissed can they get?'

'They're ancient witches.'

'Then they've had millennia to learn how to handle disappointment.'

Kennedy snorted, and I turned away from the fireplace. I needed to think fast because I only had the rest of the day to figure everything out.

Tonight was all I could think about.

My plan was to leave for Winifred's cabin tonight, and then I would finally be free of Alastor and his demonic pack. After thirteen years, it almost didn't feel real. I had imagined leaving so many times that I could practically see myself doing it. Sometimes, I pictured myself walking through the front gates with my middle finger raised. Other times, I imagined setting Alastor's ugly bone chair on fire first.

Unfortunately, neither option was particularly sensible, so I would settle for disappearing.

I finished rubbing Winnie's ointment between my legs. Like always, it had no scent, but it burned for a few seconds as the elixir seeped into my skin and did whatever witchy magic it needed to do. I hated the burning, but I loved the results. There would be no son today, tomorrow or, if everything went according to plan, ever.

I quickly put the ointment away and made sure there was no trace of it left behind. Alastor could never know I'd been preventing myself from getting pregnant all this time, especially not today. I knew he would want to take my body before he left this evening for his hunting trip. He always did.

It was eight in the morning, and I was sitting in front of my vanity after taking a shower. I'd already applied all the lotions and scented oils Alastor wanted me to wear, and my damp red hair hung loosely down my back. Vanilla, rose and a little lavender. I hated that I knew exactly what he liked.

The bedroom door opened, but I didn't need to turn around because his scent reached me first. Green grass and wet earth. Kennedy stirred inside me as Alastor appeared behind me in the vanity mirror.

His blond hair was still slightly damp from his shower, and his blue eyes settled on mine before moving slowly over me. He didn't say anything, and that immediately put me on edge. Alastor angry was dangerous, but Alastor quiet was worse.

He came up behind me and moved my hair away from the side of my neck, exposing the ugly mark he'd left there. His thumb moved across it, and my stomach tightened.

"Ready?" he asked.

Oh, yes, I was. Just not for what he thought. I was ready to leave this place and never look back.

"Just do what you must. I have a busy day ahead of me," I snarled.

His fingers immediately tangled in my hair. Alastor grabbed it hard and yanked my head backwards, forcing my face upward as he leaned close to my ear.

"When will you learn?"

I watched him through the vanity mirror. "Learn what?"

"To obey me."

I bit my tongue to stop myself from speaking.

He released my hair and reached across me for the hairbrush. I watched him carefully as he gathered my hair in one hand and slowly pulled the brush through it. The first few strokes were gentle, almost tender, and that bothered me more than if he'd ripped half my hair out because there was nothing tender about Alastor Drexel.

The brush came through my hair again, harder this time. I clenched my jaw as he dragged it through another time with enough force to move my head.

"Why can't you love me?"

That question surprised me, and my eyes immediately found his in the mirror. Alastor wasn't smiling or mocking me either. He looked almost angry that after all these years, I hadn't somehow fallen madly in love with the man who had spent those same years making my life miserable.

My breathing grew heavier.

Was he serious? Did he actually want a list? Because I had one.

I could start with threatening to slaughter my entire pack if I didn't leave with him. Then we could move on to ripping a chunk from my neck, humiliating me in front of his warriors, murdering people whenever the mood struck him and promising my six-year-old daughter to a monster.

And those were just the highlights.

"Answer me."

I said nothing.

The brush came through my hair again, harder this time.

"Why can't you love me, Ava?"

I continued staring at him through the mirror because the answer was sitting right there on my tongue.

Because you don't know what love is.

I swallowed it. Tonight was too close, and I had survived hell with this man. I wasn't ruining everything because he suddenly wanted to discuss our marriage eight hours before I escaped from it.

My silence wasn't the answer he hoped for. His jaw tightened before he put the brush down and rested both hands on the edge of the vanity, staring at my reflection.

"I gave you everything."

I almost laughed. Everything? He'd taken my family, my home, my freedom and thirteen years of my life, but apparently, I was supposed to be grateful because the bastard bought me pretty dresses.

"You gave me what you wanted me to have."

His eyes narrowed. "I made you Luna."

"I was born the daughter of an Alpha. A title was never going to impress me."

Something dark passed through his expression, and I knew I should have stopped.

Tonight, Ava. Just make it until tonight.

Alastor leaned closer. "I gave you my name."

"I already had one."

His eyes flashed red, and Kennedy immediately rose inside me. I stared into those red eyes through the mirror and refused to look away.

"You are my mate," Alastor said.

"And?"

His nostrils flared. "And you are my wife."

"Congratulations. You remembered."

His hand slammed against the vanity hard enough to make the bottles of perfume and oil jump from the impact, and I flinched.

I hated that I did.

Alastor noticed. His expression changed slightly, and I despised the satisfaction that appeared in his eyes.

"When will you understand that fighting me changes nothing?"

I breathed slowly through my nose because he was wrong. Tonight, fighting him would change everything, but he couldn't know that yet. I lowered my eyes, not because I was submitting, but because sometimes surviving required knowing which battles could wait eight more fucking hours.

Alastor remained silent behind me for a moment before picking up the hairbrush again. The next stroke was slower.

"Very well, then."

He put the brush down and grabbed the hair tie from the vanity before gathering my hair and pinning it up. Naturally, he left his mark completely visible. I stared at it in the mirror, his favourite possession and the proof that Ava-Rose Redclaw belonged to Alpha Alastor Drexel.

At least, that was what he believed.

His hands settled on my shoulders. "I have the rest of our lives to convince you."

For the first time that morning, I almost smiled.

No, you don't.

Alastor picked me up and braced me against the vanity. He ripped my underwear off and used his knees to stretch my legs apart.

"In the meantime, you'll give me a son," he grunted as he sank himself deep inside me.