28: Accept My Rejection

Trenton returned with the healer before we could say anything else. The old doctor didn't look particularly shocked by Ashley's condition, probably because he'd spent his entire life in a pack where powerful men hurting women had become far too normal.

"He's not touching me," Ashley protested.

"It's fine, Ashley. Opal and I are right here with you. We're not going anywhere."

I understood why she didn't want a man to look at her, but the healer was all we had at the moment.

She finally relaxed. Opal held her hand while the healer examined and treated her injuries. He then gave her something for the pain before examining her more carefully.

"You're healing so slowly, almost like a human," he pointed out. "What happened to your wolf?"

Ashley was tight-lipped. She shifted her gaze away from the man.

"That will be all for now," I said.

The healer looked at me but didn't argue. He closed his case, bowed and left the room, but Trenton remained, his attention returning to Ashley. After studying her for another moment, I watched recognition slowly settle over his face.

"You smell like death, and you're not healing, which can only mean one thing." His brows drew together. "Someone bound your wolf."

"Wow. You're so brilliant," Ashley said, rolling her eyes.

"Who would do this to you?"

"Who do you think, Trenton?" I scoffed. "Look, Alastor told you to keep an eye on her, not interrogate her. Leave the conversation to me."

"OK, but can I talk to you in private?"

"About what?"

His eyes held mine. "About what happened between us."

"Trenton, this isn't the time."

"Then when? Alastor isn't here now, and I think this is as good a time as any."

I wanted to argue, but he was right. If there was ever going to be a time for this conversation, it was now.

I excused myself and followed Trenton outside, where we walked through the gardens in silence for a while. We passed flowers I had watched bloom and die more times than I cared to count. For a brief moment, I found myself wondering if I would miss any of this once I was gone.

Probably not.

"Yesterday brought up so many memories and feelings," Trenton finally said. "Don't you feel the same way?"

I stopped walking and turned towards him. "Look, Trenton, there will never be anything between us. That ship sailed a long time ago. Yesterday was a weak moment on my part, and it will never happen again. I'm sorry if that confused you."

His face fell. "Are you saying you don't love me anymore?"

I sighed because that question deserved an honest answer, and maybe for the first time in thirteen years, I was finally ready to give him one.

I had never really loved a man the way my parents loved each other. I had grown up watching my father look at my mother as though there wasn't another woman in the world, while my mother loved him with that same certainty. Their love had been safe and kind. It hadn't demanded fear as proof of loyalty or pain as proof of devotion.

The mate bond had always created a longing for Alastor that I couldn't completely control, but that wasn't love. I knew that now, and when I thought about it, what Trenton and I had wasn't love either.

For years, I had told myself it was because I needed it to be. I needed to believe there was something good hidden inside this miserable life, and when I lay with Trenton, I could feel something other than pain, hurt and disgust. He gave me comfort when I desperately needed it, and somewhere along the way, I had mistaken that comfort for love.

But had I truly loved him?

When I dug deep enough to find the truth, the answer hurt more than I expected.

I hadn't.

Maybe I had wanted to, and maybe in another life, with another version of Trenton who had chosen me when it mattered, I could have. But every time Alastor hurt me and Trenton found another excuse for his brother, whatever might have grown between us died a little more.

Since I was leaving tonight, I owed him the truth.

"I wanted to love you, Trenton," I said quietly. "I really did, but you always put your brother before me. Every time he hurt me, you made excuses for him, and every time I needed you to choose me, somehow his position as your Alpha or the fact that he was your brother mattered more."

Trenton's eyes lowered, but I wasn't finished.

"I couldn't fall in love with someone who kept asking me to understand the man who was destroying me."

He looked as though I had struck him, and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat because, despite everything, there was one thing I would never regret about him.

"But I thank you for giving me my daughter." My voice caught slightly, and I cleared my throat. "Our daughter."

Trenton looked at me again.

"I'll tell her one day that you're her real father," I continued. "But I'll wait until she's older and ready to understand."

Tears rolled down his face, and he didn't bother wiping them away.

"I'd love that."

For a moment, I simply looked at him and thought about the last thirteen years. Ten of those years had been spent sneaking around, stealing moments together and listening to whispered promises while convincing myself that the man standing in front of me might eventually become brave enough to choose me.

He never did.

Maybe that was why what I was about to ask him felt less like breaking my own heart and more like finally setting it down.

"Trenton, I need you to do something for me."

"Anything." He reached for my hands. "Just say the word, and I'll do it."

I let him take them, and for once, I didn't pull away. Instead, I looked down at our joined hands and thought about the nineteen-year-old girl who had discovered two mates on the same night. She had believed the Moon Goddess had given her two chances at love.

Thirteen years later, I finally understood that neither bond had given me what I thought it would.

I lifted my eyes to Trenton's.

"I need you to accept my rejection."