CHAPTER 02

TSUNAMI's POV...

I WOKE UP with a cold body and arms empty. What the fuck?! It took me a moment to realized Lighting is not around. My boyfriend-- My soon husband who was beside me last night and now he's missing.

The wrinkled mattress is a proof that he was here last night in my arms but ng magising ako ay wala na siya. Shit! Asan na ba siya?! I robbed my eyes as I sat on the bed, looking around with hopes of finding him somewhere in the room. Fuck naman oh!

Gumanti ba siya sa ginawako kahapon na iniwan siya habang tulog? I was feeling a sensation that I keep on rejecting but no matter what, I still feel the dull ache in me. Kinumbinsi ko ang sarili ko na wala lamang iyon at inisp na baka nasa baba lamang siya o may pinuntahan.

Fuck! I fucking hate this! There's a will gut feel in me and I am bad in guessing but guessing him left me-- Parang tanga oh! Bakit ba ako nagiisip ng mga ganitong bagay?! “Tsk!” I tsked.

Bumaba ako at tinignan ang kusina na nagbabasakiling nandoon siya at naghahanda ng agahan pero wala siya. Sunod ko naman tignan ang banyo at nagulat na lamang ako ng makita siya doon na nakahandusay at walang malay. “Thunder!!” Sigaw ko at kaagad siyang nilapitan para tulongan bago tumawag ng ambulansya.

“COUGHING up blood from your respiratory tract is referred to as hemoptysis. It is one of the most common symptoms of lung cancer." Pagpapaliwanag ng isang doktor na kaharap ko ngayon.

“W-what? C-cancer?!" Nauutal na tanong ko at hindi makapaniwala sa naring mula sakanya. Halos hindi nako makapagsalita ng maayus dulot sa pagiyak dahil sa takot na mawala siya, mawala ang taong papakasalan pako. This feelings is so familiar, ang mawalan ng fiancé.

Bakit ba ang malas ko? “Yes. Coughing up 100 cubic centimeters of blood-- Only 1/3 of a cup, is called massive hemoptysis and has a mortality death rate of over 50 percent--” Paliwanag pa niya but I cut him off.

“O-okay! That's fuck!” Inis na sabi ko habang umiiyak padin. “P-pero, k-kamusta naman siya ngayon D-doc? How serious his lung cancer?” Nanginginig na tanong ko sakanya.

“He's still unconscious as of now ma'am, lumabas lamang ako para sabihin sayo ang sakit at dahilan kung bakit siya nagsuka ng dugo at nahimatay kasi nasa malalang stage cancer na siya.” Fuck! Hindi na lamang ako nagsalita at iniyak ko na lamang ang sakit.

“May alam kaba sa sakit niyang ito?" Biglang tanong ng doktor. “W-wala akong alam tungkol dito.” Sagot ko. Tama! Bakit hindi niya sinabi sakin na may sakit pala siya? Dahil ano? Para hindi ako mag-alala sakanya? Fuck! O baka wala talaga siyang balak na sabihin saakin ito dahil natatakot siyang baka iiwan ko siya?

“Nakikita mo ba siyang umiinom ng gamot minsan?” Tanong pa niya.

“H-hindi din.” I replied. Hindi ko nga talaga siya nakikitang umiinom ng gamot tsaka days pa lamang kaming magkakilala at magkasama sa iisang bahay kaya wala talaga akong alam na may sakit pala siyang ganito.

“I see. Actually, based on his condition right now ay matagal na siyang may sakit na lung cancer pero parang wala siyang alam sa sakit niyang ito o baka hindi niya lamang talaga ito binibigyan ng pansin.” Sabi pa niya na ikinagulat ko.

Hindi na lamang ako kumibo at hinayaan na lamang bumalik ang doktor papasok sa loob. Hindi ko alam kong ilang oras naba ako umiiyak habang naghihintay magising si Lightning. “Mie?!” Tawag ni Sunny at Star sakin, my bestfriends.

“What happened?” Nagaalalang tanong ni Sunny ng makalapit siya sakin at matapos akong yakapin. “Where's your boyfriend? Where's Lighting?” Tanong naman ni Star habang pinupunasan ang mga luha ko.

I texted them to come over-- “He's awake now and he's looking for Tsunami.” Sabi ng doktor samin kaya napatahimik na lamang yung dalwa dahil sa gulat. Pagkapasok ko sa loob ay siya agad ang nakita ng mga mata ko. Fuck! Gusto ko siyang sampalin! Gusto ko siyang sakalin! Gusto ko siyang saktan o patayin dahil sa ginawa niyang paglilihim sa sakit niya!

Wala akong nagawa nong biglang magunahang lumabas ang mga luha mula sa mata ko. “B-babe?” Tawag ko sakanya ngunit parang hindi niya yata ako narinig. “Hey...” Tawag ko and this time he looked at me seriously.

“W-why didn't you tell me about this? W-when did you get this kind of sick?" Pagtatanong ko sakanya pero hindi siya sumagot at nag-iwas ng tingin sakin. Fuck!

“Let's end it here Mie,” Biglang sabi niya na ikinagulat ko. Huh? “W-what do you mean?” Nagugulohan na tanong ko sakanya sabay hawak ng kamay niyang nanlalamig.

“Our love story. Let's end this relationship because sooner or later, mamatay din naman ako.” I just literally heard my heart jumped out of my chest. Those words stole my breath to death.

I knew someday I would feel this heartache again to someone but not him. I didn't expect him to say those words even I know he's sick. Why my life is so cruel? But I tried to be come more understanding person and patient because usually, I would freak out. I heaved a sight and wiped my tears. “Walang mamatay okay?” I said and held his hand tightly.

“And doesn't mean you have that kind of sick you don't deserve to be loved. Dapat nga, every time we should spend together--” Sabi ko pa sakanya habang umiiyak but he cut me off.

“No, Mie. Not for long...” He coldly said and turned his head away. “You can't just tell me that and ignore the reality. You know it's not that easy kasi masasaktan ka lamang pagnagkataun ng husto.”

“But babe--”

“We can't be together Mie, not anymore. Let's accept the reality--”

“But you said you love me pero bakit parang hindi mo na ako mahal ngayon?” Umiiyak na sabi ko habang nakatingin pa din sakanya. “What about your promises? What about our wedding?”

“I do love you, Tsunami Lopezzoon. I never not love you. Nothing has change about how much I love you and I'm really sorry about the promises I made and our wedding, I can't make it happen.” He said and wiped the tears on his cheeks. Fuck! Seeing him crying make me cry too.

He obviously felt more pain by saying those words than what the cancer doing to his body. I couldn't believe what I'm hearing right now. Thunder and his words just turned me down. “You still have a chance to look forward to find a real love. To find someone much better than me-- probably not like me.” He said.

“The fuck?! Much better? To find someone? What if that someone is still you? You know we can still build another better--” I said but he didn't let me finish.

“Just stop! It's over.” I tried to be more understanding again but I couldn't help but to cry and blame myself for having a bad luck. Kung hindi ipagpalit ako sa iba, namatay naman specially kung malapit na ang kasal. “Now tell me the reason why you didn't tell me na may sakit ka pala and when it started.”

“Matagal-tagal na at ayuko lamang magalala ka and the reason why I wanted to be married with you habang lumalala ang sakit ko pero--” Hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin niya ng bigla ako magsalita to interrupt him. “So you think hindi ako nagaalala ngayon?”

“Kaya nga, let's end this para hindi na kita masaktan pa. Yun na lamang kasi ang tanging silbi ko sayo ngayon Mie, ang saktan ka at bigyan ka ng sakit sa puso kaya ayuko non.” Sagot niya.

“So you think hindi ako masasaktan dahil diyan?” I argued.

“Atleast makakapag-move on ka hindi yung araw araw na lamang kitang sinasaktan.” Sagot niya. Damn! Tears fell down my eyes while hearing his words.

“You don't understand--”

“No! You don't understand me, Mie. Can you just accept the truth? I only hurt you.”

“But you told me to hold you closer didn't you? You agreed that there is no end... that there are only beggings, but you're ending this now?! You're ending our relationship?!”

“Mie--”

“Why do you have to say that and assume the things that aren't happening yet?!” I said rhetorically. “It happened, Mie. I hurt you and I can't let that to happen again and again.” Thunder retorted but his voice is still soft and weak.

I tugged my fingers onto my hair in frustration and cried silently. Umupo siya at niyakap ako habang umiiyak. I couldn't help myself but to cry it out, the pain inside me, it kills me, it needed to come out.