LOGINOn the day of our fifth anniversary, I got into a fight with my boyfriend, Tyrus Aberg. My best friend, Claire Dawson, sent me a screenshot. [Proxy Girlfriend: Thirty Days] Below it was Tyrus' reply. [Approved.] Every time we fought, Tyrus would deliberately have Claire act as his proxy girlfriend. He said I only dared to pick fights with him because I felt too secure in the relationship. He figured that as long as Claire got close to him and made me feel threatened, I would get jealous and tearfully beg him to reconcile. Three years ago, after one argument, he and Claire changed to matching couple profile pictures. "You've got one day to think it over. She'll be my proxy girlfriend for now. I'll only reconcile with you when you apologize." One day turned into three days. What started as switching profile pictures escalated into dates, hand-holding, and hugging. The last time I refused to cave for a whole week, he moved in with Claire. Claire spent the night wearing his shirt and showed up to parties with him as his girlfriend. He said, "You'll only feel jealous when Claire becomes my proxy girlfriend. "She's your best friend. No matter how close she and I get, it doesn't count as cheating." After this fight, he extended Claire's stint as his proxy girlfriend to a full month. A video call came in right after. "Lay-lay, it's your fifth anniversary today. "If you don't apologize soon, I'll be the one going home with Tyrus to meet his parents this Thanksgiving." On the other end, friends started laughing and counting down. They were all waiting for me to get jealous, cry, and beg Tyrus to reconcile, just like always. But I just left the three-person "Proxy Girlfriend" group chat. [A month is too short.] [Make it permanent this time.]
View MoreA year later, I held a small gathering at my new home.There was no anniversary to celebrate, and no seats that had to come in pairs.It was just to celebrate my first full year of living here.Patricia gave me a new photo album.The first page held a photo taken on moving day.In the photo, the living room still had no furniture.I was sitting on a suitcase, holding the potted plant I had brought from my old home.The second page was a group photo after my promotion.The third page was my first solo trip.After that came friends, work, family, and plenty of everyday moments that no longer revolved around Tyrus.The last page was still blank.Patricia asked me with a smile, "Who's this one for?"I pondered, then said, "For whatever comes next."Perhaps I would meet someone new in the future, or I would keep filling the pages on my own.But whoever it was going to be, they would not have to replace anyone to earn a spot in my life.After the gathering, I received Tyrus' l
After leaving Tyrus, I realized I still carried a lot of old habits with me.When I disagreed with a colleague, I would instinctively apologize first.When a friend changed plans at the last minute, I would feel uncomfortable but still habitually say it was fine.Even when I was ordering at a restaurant and the server asked what I wanted, my first reaction was still to say, "Anything's fine."Tyrus had spent three years making me believe that every conflict was my fault.As long as I did not cave in first, he would change his profile picture, take Claire's hand, and take away even more of what belonged to me.So I grew more afraid to speak up, more afraid to say "no."On my first weekend after moving into my new place, a colleague, Patricia Lance, invited me out to dinner.She asked me, "Pizza or barbecue?"I said instinctively, "Either one's fine."She just laughed and pushed the menu back to me."Tonight's about celebrating your promotion."So, we're getting what you want
After the engagement was called off, Tyrus posted a statement in the mutual friends' group chat.He admitted the proxy girlfriend arrangement was never a game I had agreed to.The anniversary dinner, the hotel, and the wedding speech, he admitted, had all been prepared by me in advance.He had handed those things to Claire without my permission.At the end, he wrote, [Layla never came between me and Claire.][I was the one who went public with another woman and proposed to her without ever formally ending a five-year relationship.][It's entirely my fault.]The friends who had once egged him on at the wedding began apologizing to me.Some said, [We thought you two were just playing around.]Another explained, [Tyrus kept saying you'd definitely come back, so we didn't take it seriously.]Willow also sent me that speech draft again.[I'm sorry. Those memories were ours, but I let Claire deliver the speech in your place.]I did not rejoin that group.I only asked Tyrus to re
On the third day, Claire came to see me personally.She placed the anniversary necklace on the table.The pendant had been polished very thin.The name that had once belonged to me was completely gone.All that remained was this.[Tyrus & Claire, Day One]Claire stared at the necklace for a long time before letting go."Tyrus told me to give it back. He said it's yours."I put the necklace into a box.I did not thank her.Taking back what was mine did not require a thank-you in the first place.Claire sat across from me and did not leave for a long time."Lay-lay, if you just tell Tyrus you're never coming back, he'll go through with our engagement."He won't set a date right now."And he won't let me move in."I found it absurd."I already gave you the permanent girlfriend spot a month ago."If Tyrus won't go through with it, that's between the two of you."Tears welled up in her eyes. "But you're still the one he loves."I shook my head."What he loves is me get
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