Chapter Eight

I wake to find Parker preparing breakfast. As soon as the smell hits my nose, I realize I am starving.

But then I remember-- remember what happened, and my stomach turns.

The memories of last night's attack are still too fresh.

As he turns around, I can see Parker's face.

He looks at me and smiles, but I can see the fear behind his eyes.

"Good morning," I say, and my voice is steady.

"Good morning," he replies, quickly returning to his task.

I can see him trembling.

I can see him afraid.

"You shouldn't have come back for me, Rachel" he says.

"You would have died if I hadn't" I reply.

It's not a lie.

"For a girl who just ran away yesterday, you sure seem eager to die today," he replies.

"I wouldn't have run if I didn't have to!" I snap as I approach him, trying to keep my voice quiet.

"Why did you come back?" he whispers back, "You couldn't possibly have thought you were saving me. You were just throwing your life away. You had to know that."

I don't say anything. I just glare.

He puts the now-cooked meat on the ground in front of him and looks at me.

"I don't know why I saved you," I say. "I just knew I couldn't leave you there."

It's the truth, and he knows it. He can see it in my eyes.

"There are things about me," he says. "Things that if you knew..."

"It wouldn't have changed anything," I say. "No matter what, I still wouldn't have wanted to leave you to die."

"I was supposed to be the Alpha," he says.

"I was always supposed to be the Alpha."

"There's another Alpha?" I ask, my eyes wide.

"I... we can talk about it later," he says. "Right now you should eat."

He tosses me some of the cooked meat and I dig into it.

It tastes amazing.

I've never tasted anything so good.

It's just meat, but it tastes like victory.

We eat in silence.

I don't know what to say.

I don't want to say the wrong thing.

I am scared, but also elated.

He's alive, and I'm alive, and if I had left him last night, he would be dead.

We're still in danger, and I have so many questions, but right now, that has to be enough.

*

We need to keep moving. I know that. The pack will be coming soon. For all I know, they could already be here.

For a moment, I think I can sense them. Smell them.

But I am so tired. And sitting by the fire feels so good.

"Rachel," Parker says, and I know he's about to tell me it's time to go.

But he doesn't. Instead he gets quiet. He opens his mouth again, but no sound comes out.

"My father was the alpha of your park," he says when he can finally find the words. "And they killed him."

"Who?" I ask. But he does not answer.

"He wanted to be the alpha, and my father was in the way. So he killed him."

I stare at him, wide-eyed. I have so many questions. But before I can ask them, he continues.

"After he died, I was banished. I should have fought back. I should have fought to claim my rightful place. But I didn't. I--"

Parker turns away in shame.

"I panicked" he says.

"I got scared. I ran. And I let them win. I let them take everything from me. I let them take my rightful place as Alpha. I let them take my pack."

"I don't understand," I say.

"Lance is the son of the man who killed my father," Parker says."He's the son of the man who took everything I had away."

"Oh," I say.

"I knew Lance was awful, but I always thought he was just a bully," I add.

"He's not," Parker says. "He's a king, and he wouldn't be if I had stayed."

I can sense his guilt. His shame. It's overwhelming.

"What's happening now, it isn't your fault," I say.

"It was never supposed to be him," he says. "It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the alpha."

I don't know what to say.

I know I said it wasn't his fault, but I can't help thinking how different things would be if he had fought back. Lance would never have become the alpha.

I wouldn't have had to leave my pack.

I wouldn't have had to leave Ben.

"I'm sorry," he says, as though he can read my mind.

"It's okay," I say. "It's not your fault."

"It is," he insists. "It is my fault. I ran away. I didn't fight back. I behaved like a coward."

"Maybe," I say. "But you're still here. You're alive. You're trying to do something now."

He looks at me, and for a moment, he seems almost small to me. Desperate and afraid. Like I must have seemed to him when I showed up on his doorstep. And I find I want to make things better for him, though I don't know exactly why.

 "You're not giving up now," I say. "that's what counts."

"I'm not," he says. "I'm not giving up."

I want to tell him it's going to be okay.

But I don't.

Because the truth is, I don't know that. Right now, I'm not sure anything will ever be okay again.

So instead, I just try to stand.

"We should go," I say. "We can't stay here. The pack is coming."

Parker agrees. He stands up and begins putting out the fire.

We are just about to leave when the scent hits me.

It's Lance.

I can feel it in my bones. We're too late. He's already here.

I know he's going to find us. And I know what he'll do when he does.

"Parker," I whisper, and he turns to me. I can tell from the look on his face that he can smell Lance too.

And then, suddenly, I can see him. Lance. Appearing as if from nowhere from behind a tree.

My heart stops.

"Rachel, run!" Parker screams.