JORDI ADKINSI was already under the impression that after a relatively long and giddy day, it’s finally time for me to retreat to bed and dream of Xavier Rockwell. Initially, that was my plan and I know it sounds stupid to admit that but Xavier really did make me feel blissful today. However, the man upstairs seemed to have decided to extend this day when my one and only crush, Zacheus Riley showed up.“It’s already ten-thirty. What are you doing here?” I immediately asked the guy the moment I went down to meet him. I couldn’t risk exchanging words with him from my window as if I’m Rapunzel. While Zacheus does look like a hot prince in this modern world, I definitely do not have a long ass blonde hair and I’m not a princess either.“Honestly, I-I don’t even know why I’m here.” He bantered and the strong smell of alcohol immediately invaded my nostrils.“You’re drunk.” I muttered and if I wasn’t very much sleepy, I’d probably had a heart attack knowing that my crush just showed up out
XAVIER ROCKWELL“I guess this is goodbye then.” Bursting with reluctance on the inside, I opened my mouth and spoke nervously breaking the reign of silence. Little did Jordi know, I’m on the verge of shutting down noting that this was the end of the walk.Things between me and Xavier just went from floating on cloud nine to an awkward state. I genuinely enjoyed walking Jordi home even though he almost got ran over by a school bus when I was chasing him. I don’t know if he could read me but I was kind of hoping this won’t be the end of our day. Unfortunately, Jordi does not look like he’s going to invite me inside their house and I do get why he does not want to. Perhaps to him, I’m probably still an asshole and I’m okay with it. I should really work hard on getting on his good graces.“Goodbye? What in the hell are you talking about, Xavier? We’re still going to see each other at school tomorrow.” Jordi chuckled which sounded adorable. I haven’t heard him release such a mirthful laugh
XAVIER ROCKWELL It’s already past ten-thirty in the evening and I know I should already be asleep by now. I usually don’t get a good night’s rest whenever I’m at home mostly because of all the shitty stuff that’s going around this shitty place. Whenever I’m trying to get some really good sleep, it’s either Hector and my mom are playing loud music or watching TV with loudest volume possible. Sometimes, when they’re not fucking each other’s brains out, they’re fighting and screaming at each other. Now’s probably the time or perhaps to be quite exact, it’s the only time for me to have the rest that I wanted. Not only that Hector’s not here, my mom’s also soundly asleep on the lower bunk. Seconds and minutes have passed and I just can’t put myself to sleep even when I’ve closed my eyes for a while. I don’t even know if I should count a hundred sheep just to get myself to sleep. However, I just keep on seeing Jordi and I’m certainly aware of the fact that I haven’t stopped thinking about
XAVIER ROCKWELL In light of my already existing fear of getting judged, I ended up putting the folded sketch of Jordi’s face back to my pocket. “Look what we have here!” Nixon’s voice penetrated my eardrums and it did nothing but piss me the fuck off. This was not really the best time for them to show up. I was just about to ask Jordi out and now, it seemed to me that I’m not going to be able to do that and it felt really horrible. “It’s the cocksucker!!!!!” Nixon and Darren both shared a burst of laughter as if calling someone a cocksucker was the funniest thing. “You do realize that not every gay person wants to suck your dick, right?” Jordi bantered back and I was thrillingly surprised that he had the confidence to do so. However, I felt scared at the very same time. Jordi doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into by talking back to Nixon. “He’s talking back, Nixon.” Darren added from behind. “So, you’re talking back now, shithead?” Nixon inched his way closer to Jordi and sl
JORDI ADKINS No one would’ve prevented the dazzling smile that’s blatantly painted on my face when I saw Xavier waiting for me at my own locker. I have been thinking about him throughout the entire day. No one noticed but the inner gay Jordi hidden inside the abyss of my soul would’ve done anything that’s there to do just to find some time to spend with Xavier. “Hey, how was your day?” Xavier inquired the moment I strut my way towards him. I tried not to look at him and proceeded to unlocking my locker. “Good. Nikki’s still pissed but overall, I had a good day.” I replied and I was greatly hoping to be subtle with everything that’s going to happen from this point onward. I’m perfectly aware that I’m already squirming in great ecstasy deep inside but I’m still the sane Jordi that I am. I know better than wearing my true emotions on my shoulder. I have to be calm even though I could smell Xavier’s scent. “I’m sure she’ll come around at some point.” Xavier trailed off. “Yeah, she’s j
JORDI ADKINS“You saw us?” I almost barked out loud. Thankfully, there’s no one out of earshot by the bleachers and I was able to make all of the shocked sound and expression that I would’ve normally do. Hearing the confession come out of Nikki’s mouth was the only thing that I needed to make an actual conclusion. It’s most definitely the reason why she called me a liar in the first place.“Yup, by the locker. I was just on my way to find you and I didn’t mean to pry but I saw everything and when I say everything, I saw you kissing him back.” Nikki continued. “Oh my god, Jordi!!! Is that actually your first kiss?” She squealed.“Nikki—”“Or maybe there’s something else that you’re not telling me about. Hhmmm?!!.”“No, it is. It is my first kiss.” I nodded in utter defeat and I just realized that I needed to tell Nikki everything. I know we just had a fight and perhaps this was also the right time to finally tell her about me and Xavier.“Xavier’s your first kiss? That fucking bastard!
JORDI ADKINSThe current reign of silence inside my room has never been deafening. Usually, when I’m all by myself, I play some loud ass music just so I wouldn’t have this feeling that I’m all alone. However, having Xavier’s unwanted presence here, I really thought I don’t need to play anything but to add to my already existing disappointment, he’s been quiet the entire time ever since I pulled him here. He was just sitting at the edge of my bed with his mouth tightly shut and for the most part, I was just sitting on my swivel chair pretending as if I’m doing something on my laptop. Billie was just displayed on one corner and the eyes the Xavier drew on her looked like she’s been watching me the entire time.“Okay, I’m going to have to throw the towel here.” I began finally deciding to break the reign of silence myself. I said I don’t want to start the c
XAVIER ROCKWELLI fucked it up. I fucked it up big time.The words kept on echoing back and forth inside my head even after I almost beaten the shit out of Nixon for trying harassing Jordi. There’s utterly no room for me to deny the absolute fact that I was the worst in that moment, even far worse than Nixon to be quite exact. I just stood frozen solid and watched Jordi get bullied by the people that I know. This isn’t news and I know I’m mainly part of the reason why they’re so up into Jordi’s ass. I was first one who started bullying the guy and I don’t even know why I was doing that in the first place. Perhaps, I just wanted to feel good about myself because I haven’t been.I’m entirely aware of the lingering fact that I’m sandwiched in between. There’s just so much confusion and conflict that I got lost in the middle of this vast ocean. On the left side of the trench, I have my best friends Nixon and Darren. I have been friends with them for a long while and even though I’m starti