I wish I didn't have to remember

Latifa

“Don’t tell me that, mama! I sent you money last week ago...well that's it, you call me when you need money and it never gets me by surprise anymore” I conversed through the phone. just when I thought I was having a good time with my dirty reflections about the last time with Alastair.

only if I could stay a week without being a sadist or sad, I would be glad.

I swiped my fingers beneath my nose to clean up the nasal mucus that was running down to my lips with a piece of cloth.

The call was already getting me off the mood and making me so pissed that I wanted to cry more. I sob behind the call till I finally burst into tears, am not crying because she demanded some money, I weep because in all they have done to me in the past I still can't find a place in my heart to turn her down or punish them due to some facts known to me, all I need was sincere courage for that. it's just another needle that pierces my heart and I can't escape it.

My stepmother, Mrs. Houston might have it all wrong that I was little when they had turned loose their dirty urges on me, but what about the scars? It remains my daily reminder. it's a self-secret I have been dealing with even at my present age, but I play doom the whole time Because she's the family I've left so even when she doesn't care about me, I care about her to some extent. she only knows what I tell her or maybe because she's my stepmom, even when she doesn't take care of anyone but yet she spends the most, buying expensive clothes and shoes and designer bags.

ever since dad and mom died in a distant country She assumes I work in a great organization that pays me wholesomely. She doesn't care. I have been away for a year and each time I gather the courage of reaching home I get demoralized, why?

I miss mum so much, I see myself fighting alone in this world full of human monsters. No one to comfort me, I am always in my shell. my phone continued buzzing and when I checked it was till my stepmom called, I picked it up and ran a transfer of the whole money I had worked for recently and sent it to her, immediately I was done with that I switched off my phone, locked the door, and banged myself on the bed as I weep. This is not the right time to talk with anyone, I kicked off the phone as I couldn't stand any more calls, it fell and was scattered in parts, I sighed.

I Stood up and walk to the reflector that was hung on the wall, I stared at myself for some seconds, wiping off the tear beneath my eye sac as I mumbled

“I'm a strong person, I'm strong.” but that's a lie.

I Looked and walked in the direction where the phone was thrown, picked it up, and brushed my palm across it, blowing away any accumulated particles as I try to mend it. I hovered around a shelf situated in the room, looking for what I couldn't see. A distraction.

“Hmm” I gasped in curiosity as my toes were raised slightly above the tile, trying to see the surface of the shelf. I inherited my mom's short height and looks.

My stomach twisted. On recapping his height. He's quite tall and seductively sexy at some vital points, I strolled back to the bedroom still moody and sad as I throw myself on the bed with my face embracing the pillow then footage came in clicking the flour, it was Alastair who just steps in looking so pale and angry, his anger could make me lose my sanity but I didn't react.

“Miss, your phone was off throughout the day, rule number whatever you may call it... I need your phone always on, if you must stay, I need to be connected and be able to reach you at all times" he purred out harshly. he didn't notice but lash out at me in bed, where I had laid for hours without eating but shedding my rough soul away. I raised my bowed head without thinking if I was doing too much, I took a short breath as I began describing my heart bit by bit.

“WTF! Hello? what's this trying to look like? you trying to live my life which will be the last thing I except a fellow whore like me, pretending to be a saint all this while. fuck off!” I replied angrily, pointing fingers and making gestures like the one about to purchase a hat

“What?” he inquires

“Oh yes, you heard me right! Mr. Saint,” I burst out again at him without being considerate, he looked at me in fury and gave me that redden reply I had expected with his eyes browsing through mine like a wolf ready to devour its prey.

“Listen, you have no right to talk to me like that! I'm fucking paying you, whore!”

“Ooh shit, I have heard that so many times, to hell with that right now, I don't care anymore Mr. what's with you and being bossy_sir?”

“You are arrogant b*tch” he pronounce as he made a cold fist with his hand and grind his teeth in fury and then switched back. I could see the look but it didn't mean he was alright, rather he began again "ok_fine, do your wish,” he said and left the room and slammed the door like an angry bird on the coat

“shit!” I gasped

I fucked up this time…

I lap myself up with the bed blanket and tighten my eyes. it hurts. later the day, I made up my mind to leave but, on second thought, I was pinned down. Aside from the main savings which I have already sent the whole to my stepmom, I have nothing left. she doesn't give a damn about me and if I should leave. It is gonna be tough this time.

It was getting late and I still couldn't wrap up my mind on a decision. shortly, I made up my mind to pack and leave as I gather the cheap things I had come with, leaving behind the dodge, Versace, Gucci, and expensive wears he had provided recently.

Should I have asked him for some money?

My chest rose and fell with ragged breath. it was

like giving me sugar and taking it back when my pride and honesty wouldn't let it slide and stay back. I know I have passed through lots of drama when pleasing one person or another but am emotionally fighting for peace within and couldn't stand any more drama, but never did my psyche stop telling me that ‘i was doing too much.

I took my little bag and walked down the stairs making my way out as I met him on a noble level with a grand size piano and a short stool, he was fixing his fingers on the key. I stood for a while peeping without wanting to be noticed

A few minutes later he played a warm song

But I left anyway.