Chapter 12: Can’t Forgive Him

Megan's POV

"You could have said yes, Megan. For heaven’s sake, it was only a football ball," Alice barked at me after I tucked my son into his bed. I am just glad I have a good son. He never cried when I said no to his request, but I could see the disappointed look on Axel's face, and I hated myself for saying no to him. My best friend had been right—it was only a ball. But how could I quickly say no to my son?

"I know, and I felt so bad about what I have done to Axel. I hated myself that after so many years, I still hated Ashton this much. He broke my heart, and until now, I don't even know how to pick up the broken pieces, Al," I replied, and I could tell by the way Alice smirked at me, she had something to say, but she tried her best to keep it to herself.

"What? I know that look, Alice. After so many years of being together, crying and laughing together, I know what you are thinking right now, even if you won’t say it to my face," I declared, and she laughed.

"Well, since you are confident enough that you can read my mind, then allow me to tell you what’s on my mind. And I think this will be a long night, and a bottle of red will complete it," she responded as she handed me the wine glass. We were on the house's terrace, and I smiled as I looked up at the starry night and felt the chilly air.

"Bring it on, Al," I said as I smiled at my best friend, but I couldn't stop feeling nervous because I knew what she was about to say. And I think after eight years, I am now ready to talk about it.

"Don't get angry with me because I’m going to tell you anyway what's in my heart and mind right now. You can't deny that you acted that way because, even though you’re still mad at your ex, you can’t deny to me, Megan, that you’re still in love with him. Even after eight years, you didn’t give yourself a chance to date anyone," Alice said, and I wanted to protest, but she raised her hand to stop me, so I let her continue her speech.

"There are a lot of guys who tried to court you, but you immediately turned them down even before they could lay their cards. You didn’t give them a chance to prove their worth. You said you are happy with your life now, even if your smile doesn’t reach your ears," Alice added.

"Do you think I didn’t know you cried every time you heard or saw the news on TV about Ashton and his latest flings? For the past four years, even if you pretended not to care about him, I’ve seen you in the middle of the night watching replays of his games, crying your heart out," Alice said, and I could feel my cheeks turn bright red.

"I knew the reason you got so wasted the last time we attended a birthday party of one of our friends. It was because of Ashton’s confirmation about his relationship with the heiress of the country’s airline company. And do you think I didn’t know why you treated me to a spa the last time Ashton broke up with his model girlfriend?" Alice continued, and I swear I wanted to cut her tongue out because what she said was all true.

"And do you think I didn’t know the real reason you bought that boxing bag in the gym that you were punching until late at night? And that you ended up crawling on the gym floor, cursing Ashton’s name when he got engaged to his latest socialite girlfriend?" she asked, and I could no longer keep my tears from falling.

"I wanted to tell you to stop and beg you to tell me everything, but you tried to look so strong, and every time I tried to mention his name, you acted like you didn’t know him. For heaven’s sake, Megan, it’s been eight years, and I think it’s about time to stop bottling up your pain and share it with me. You can always cry on my shoulder, and you know that," Alice said, and for the first time, I cried so hard in front of my best friend.

"Do you think I am that pathetic, Alice?" I asked, and my best friend shook her head.

"No, you are not pathetic, Meg. I hate that after Ashton became a professional football player, you started acting weird because his love life came out into the open. He is always in the tabloids with different beautiful women. And since then, you’ve tried to hide all the pain you feel inside. Even after how many times Gael told you that what you see about celebrities in the news is not always true—that’s why he kept his love life a secret—and I think his secret love is you," Alice added, and even though I was crying, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

"Are you crazy? Of all the things you said, that is the only one that is not true. I don’t think Gael has feelings for me, Alice. If he did, he could have told me in the eight years he’s been in my life," I replied, and my best friend just shrugged her shoulders.

"And back to Ashton, how come you didn’t tell me you knew all along?" I asked my best friend, and she looked me in the eyes and smiled.

"You told me once that what you had left was your pride, and you pretended to be alright in front of everyone. I can’t take that away from you, but I think I need to intervene now since it’s been a long time. You need to find your happiness, Meg, and Axel is the one affected by your love life," Alice responded.

"How can you get angry over a football ball? What if your son loves football? Are you going to be like Gregory Pritzgold?" Alice asked, and I slowly shook my head.

"Of course not. That is the last thing I want for Axel. I want to support him in everything he wants, and if he wants to play football, I have to support him. I need to embrace that he got that from his dad. It is in his blood," I replied.

"Well, that’s better. I don’t want my godson to experience what your ex went through," Alice replied, and I nodded.

"And have you heard the latest news?" my best friend asked, and I shook my head.

"I’m not excited to hear any news, Alice. Besides, it will only make me feel sad," I said, because even though I tried not to watch the news, especially about sports, I couldn’t stop my curiosity. I always ended up reading the information late at night, and Alice was right. Every time I read a column about my ex, I couldn’t help but cry. And now I don’t even know why I am crying. Maybe because I didn’t give myself enough time to embrace the pain, and I didn’t get the chance to mend my broken heart.

"Well, I think you’ll feel happy about this news because you’ll stop hearing about his name—Ashton quit football," Alice said, and I was surprised. No wonder I haven’t heard about him lately.

"Just in case you want to know the reason, he said in one of his interviews that it’s due to personal reasons. And I think you should start packing now—maybe he knows he has a son, and he wants to search the entire country for you and Axel," Alice said. Her words terrified me, but I know Zachary will never tell him about my child.

"Don’t make that kind of joke, Alice," I replied.

"Why? Are you afraid he will show up one day and introduce himself to Axel?" she asked, and I became speechless.

"I don’t think you’re that kind of person, Megan. I’m sure you’re willing to sacrifice yourself just to make your son happy, and I’m certain that the moment Axel asks about his father, you’re not going to deny him the truth. You’ll allow your son to experience how it feels to have a father," my best friend said, and Alice’s words cut me to the bone.

"Wow, I hope Axel will ask about his father when he’s already forty years old. I’m sure by that time I’ll already be over Ashton," she said and laughed hard as she poured more wine into my glass.

"How about you? Are you going to stay single for the rest of your life?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"Of course not. I’m not like you, who is so crazy about your first love. But sad to say, I’m not like you either—men go crazy over you, while I find it hard to date now because of the limited supply of men," she said, and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

"Thank you, Alice, for making me release the pain that I bottled up inside my heart. And right now, I can tell, it’s time to end my misery, and I think I should date and give those guys a chance. Maybe, who knows, one of them could be my Mr. Right," I replied, and she looked at me with a broad smile on her face.

"Yes, and this time I know you’re getting yourself ready for the time your son will ask you who his father is—because you’re afraid to face Ashton alone, knowing he already has a fiancée," Alice said, and I was stunned by her words. How could she read what I was thinking?

"Are you my best friend or a fortune-teller?" I asked, and she laughed, and this time, I laughed with her.

I couldn’t deny I felt a pang in my chest as I remembered his latest engagement to a beautiful businessman’s daughter, and I hated Ashton more. How could he enjoy his life through all the years when he abandoned his children and me? That is why I can’t forgive him.