Chapter 13: An Impossible Thing

Ashton's POV

"I am not happy with our relationship anymore, Ashton!" Claire shouted at me, and I didn't expect her to follow me to our house in Astikoz. I was on the balcony looking at the city's night view, and I couldn't hide the pain and frustrations that I felt.

"Claire, please, not now," I begged.

"How could you say that? I came all the way from Majuscule to be with you. You left without saying goodbye, and I am your fiancée, for heaven's sake, Ashton." She hissed, and I could tell she was controlling herself, but I could see the anger on her beautiful face.

"You know the reason why I came home, Claire, and I am not in the mood to fight with you. I am tired, and I want to rest," I said as I looked her in the eyes, and I could see the pain written all over her face.

"Yeah, and I just found out all about it after I talked with Lennon because you were not answering your phone. You could have told me all about it, and I would have come with you. And you made me feel like a fool because I didn't even know what was going on with your life, and that is so funny because I am your fiancée," she responded, and I suddenly felt guilty. I wanted to remind her she was the one who proposed to me, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings at that time, and I didn't have a choice but to say yes.

"You retired from football without telling me about it, and if you want to have a future with me, I think it is about time that you share everything with me. What am I to you, Ash?" she asked, and I could see the tears that welled up on her face.

"Hey, I am sorry. I was shocked when I received the call that Dad suffered a stroke due to his hypertension, and I needed to come home to be with my family," I said as I caressed her beautiful face, but she stepped back, and she was shaking her head.

"I couldn't take it anymore, Ashton. I love you so much. That is why I tried my best to accept everything about you. I proposed to you, knowing it was ridiculous because even if we had been dating for over a year now, you are still hung up on your first love. But when you said yes, I became the happiest woman in the universe," she declared, and I wondered how she knew about Megan.

"I was hoping everything would change after our engagement, but I could tell you became colder toward me, and the anger that you kept in your heart made you a prisoner of your own lonely world," she added, and I was looking into her face, and I wondered why I didn't feel anything toward her. I knew I liked her at first, but I could tell it was only an attraction and nothing serious. I just wanted a fling, but my mom begged me to try having a decent relationship, hoping I would fall in love in the process.

I had been linked to different women, mostly celebrities, during my entire football career, but none of those were serious. Mostly a fling, or only one date. Because I became one of the highest-paid football players in the country, I became the media's favorite. I loved the attention I got because I wanted to be more popular than Gael. I know it was the most obnoxious reason I wanted to be the best in every game—because I wished Megan to see me having the best day of my life, playing football and dating hot and famous girls—but I know it was all for the show.

Deep inside me, I felt so hollow and empty. It had been eight years, but never a day passed that I didn’t think about her and the mistake I made. I paid a high price by hurting her feelings, and she fell in love with the country’s heartthrob and singer, Gael. I knew I could never compete with him because he had Megan in his life. For how many times I wanted to hire him during special occasions just to ask him about Megan. Still, I didn’t want him to laugh at me and say it to my face—because of my foolishness, I lost the girl I loved, and now I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

"I am sorry, Claire," I said, and I let out a heavy sigh.

"Is that all you can say, Ashton? Sorry? I don't even know what you are sorry for because you have so many shortcomings in our relationship. I want you to open up to me," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest, and I could tell Claire was stressed because that is what my fiancée does when she feels anxious.

"Actually, there are a lot of things I want to tell you, Claire, but this is not the best time," I responded, and she half-laughed while she looked me in the eyes, and I could see the sadness and anger on her lovely face.

"Don't. I will be the one to do it, Ashton. I know you are breaking up with me, but please give me the decency to do it myself. That is the least you can do for me after hurting me this way. I will leave for now, but I am begging you—please don't break up with me just yet," she said and left me standing on the balcony feeling more lost, and I could feel that my guilt was eating me whole. I took a deep breath as I raked my sleeked hair with my fingers.

I felt so guilty that I didn’t stop my fiancée from walking away from me, but what could I do? She was correct; after all, I had been planning on breaking up with her because I knew it was unfair on her side to have me as her husband when I couldn’t reciprocate her feelings for me. And I still believe that I should get married for love, never for convenience.

As I made my way to the living room, I couldn't stop the memories of my senior year from rushing into my mind all at once, and I could feel the pang in my chest as I remembered the first day I approached Megan.

"Hey, did you fight with Claire?" my sister asked when I saw her in the living room, and I shook my head.

"No, Isabelle, but she was too angry with me, and that is why I can’t have a decent conversation with her," I replied.

"You could have asked her to stay, Ashton. She came all the way from Majuscule just to see you," Isabelle replied.

"I know, Belle, and I feel like an idiot right now for hurting her, but I can’t take it anymore. No matter what I do and how much I try, I still can’t love her. I swear, I did everything I could," I said as I looked at my sister, and she weakly smiled at me.

Isabelle gracefully walked closer to me, and then she hugged me. I could feel the calming energy that came from my sister, and it was soothing to me. I know she is the only one who can make me feel this way, and I wonder why my big sister has this kind of power over me. She can always calm my mind, and every time I feel so down, she can lift my spirits the moment I hear her soft voice. And I know it is because I trust her.

"I wanted to break up with her, but she beat me to it. She begged me not to break up with her since she will be the one to do it," I said, feeling so defeated.

"Are you sure you want to let her go, Ashton? What if you regret it for the rest of your life?" my sister asked me, and I shook my head.

"I know what I am doing, Belle. I will only make it worse if I marry Claire, knowing I can never give her what she wants," I replied.

"I am so proud of you, Ashton," my sister said as she released me from her embrace.

"I don’t want to make the same mistake again, and I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I lost Megan because of my love for her, and I need to let go of Claire because I can’t love her. I know it is ironic, but I have to do the right thing," I declared.

"How about your decision to retire from football? We all know how much you love playing that game, Ashton. Are you sure you don’t want to play anymore?" she asked, and I smiled at her.

"Yes. To tell you the truth, when I couldn’t find Megan, I wanted to quit my dreams and do what Dad wanted me to do. But I wanted Megan to see me play football, hoping one day she would contact me—but it never happened. And I was such an idiot for hoping she would come back to me, knowing she is enjoying her life with that singer," I replied, and my sister couldn’t stop herself from laughing at me.

"Why are you even laughing when you know I am hurting inside?" I complained.

"I just couldn’t believe you still hate Gael, and I thought you stopped hating him after you fought with Lennon when you broke his phone the moment you heard him listening to Gael’s music," my sister said, and I could tell my face turned crimson as I remembered that awful day, and I felt so ashamed of what I did to my brother. I promised that my emotions would no longer carry me away.

"Thanks for reminding me, Isabelle," I said, and I couldn’t stop myself from feeling sad again.

"I don’t intend to make you feel bad, Ashton. I want you to get a grip. And thank you for making the right decision. I know you chose to retire from football, knowing Father could no longer work even if he recovers from his stroke," my sister said.

"Of course. I am his eldest son, and in times like this, I know family weighs more than anything. Even if I hated Dad for ruining my beautiful relationship with Megan for so many years, I couldn’t hate him forever. I know he only did what he thought was best for me, and I hope he considered how I felt about it. It may be too late now, but I want Dad to get better so I can say sorry to him," I declared.

"You are a good son, Ashton. Always remember that..." my sister said as we looked at each other and smiled, and I couldn’t stop wishing that I would have another chance with Megan—even if I knew it was an impossible thing to happen.