LOGINJULIAN I hear Nikolai sigh. “Julian…” “What I’m trying to say is…” “Do you hate me or not?” he cuts me off coldly. “That’s all I care about. Does my presence bother you? Do you want me to leave and never come back? To never speak to you again?” I think about that for a moment. I used to think that was what I wanted. And maybe, a week ago, I’d have said yes to all of that. But now, the thought doesn’t sound too appealing. “I don’t,” I say finally. “I don’t want that. I don’t hate you. Initially I did, yes. Especially when I thought you hurt Theo. But the more time I spent with you… even when I was supposed to be carrying out the plan… Let’s just say, you grew on me.” I shake my head. “You’re like an itch I can’t get rid of. No matter how hard I try.” His eyebrows furrow. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?” “Yeah. Kind of. My point is, I don’t hate you as much as I should. And sometimes, I resent that. But it doesn’t change how I feel.” I look up at him. His face is still imp
JULIAN Anger rises in my chest. This went south really fast but I can’t bring myself to stop. Not even the slight hurt I can hear behind his words gets me to stop. He knows nothing. Who does he think he is to speak on Theo and I’s relationship? “You’re not better than him just because you didn’t ‘lie’ to me or because you ‘showed me the real you.’ You’re just as shitty as he is, maybe even worse. I hate you both and I want nothing more to do with neither of you. Is that what you want to hear?” That makes him stop. I don’t know what possessed me to say the words. Maybe it’s the anger. Maybe it’s the vulnerability I feel. Maybe it’s the pain and betrayal I feel when I think about Theo. Or maybe I’m just tired of being pushed around by everyone in my life, and Nikolai happens to be standing directly in front of me. Whatever the reason, the words left my mouth and it’s too late to take them back. Although I wish I could. Especially when I catch Nikolai’s reaction to them. He s
JULIANHe makes a point of adjusting himself in his jeans.I smack him instantly. “Seriously? We’re surrounded by children, you idiot.”He looks around. “I knew about things like this when I was their age.”“You’re so embarrassing.”I shake my head as I insert a coin and grab the steering wheel..Nikolai takes the space beside me.“I bet you don’t even know how to play,” I say.“I’ll figure it out.”“For the record, I spent most of my time playing these as a kid. Good luck beating me.”He grins as the race begins.As expected, I take the lead but it only takes him moments to catch up.Before I know it, he overtakes me and takes the lead.“How…”“Natural talent.”I glance at him briefly. “You’ve played this before, haven’t you?”“Maybe.”“You liar.”He laughs. “I never said I didn’t know how to play. You assumed that.”I feel something in me loosen at the sound of his laughter.I’m trying so hard to cling to my anger, because I’m still mad at him, but it’s difficult.This is the most f
JULIANAs much as people advocate going out and breathing some fresh air, you’d think it had some kind of magical cure.But apparently going to a public park doesn’t automatically solve all of your problems.I sit on a bench beneath a large oak tree, watching people pass by as the late afternoon sun filters through the leaves.Despite my lingering melancholy, I can’t deny that it’s peaceful here.It’s better than going home at least.Home used to be somewhere comforting, somewhere I could relax. Now it’s a place that brings a lot of pain and awkwardness. It’s an awful reminder of everything that’s gone wrong with my life.Theo is there. I’m there. And it couldn’t be more awkward. Neither of us knows what to say to the other.We barely speak. We pass each other in the kitchen and pretend the other person isn't there.Sometimes I hear him walking past my bedroom door. Sometimes I hear him stop.He never knocks.I don't know whether I'm relieved or disappointed.Either way, I don’t want
JULIANBefore I can utter a word of protest, he starts dragging me along.I don’t want to cause a scene so I follow him. Or at least, that’s what I choose to think.He leads me to an empty lecture room and locks the door behind us.His eyes scan my face as he turns to me, leaning against the closed door.“How are you doing?”I glare at him. “How the fuck do you think? Everything that I thought I knew turned out to be a lie. All thanks to you.”He shrugs. “You’re welcome.”I roll my eyes. Typical Nikolai.Somehow, the fact that he’s the same as he usually is feels weirdly familiar. Comforting, even.I hate that I feel that way.He takes a few steps toward me. “How did your conversation with Theo go?”My expression immediately hardens. “I’m sure you have an idea.”His mouth curves slightly. “So he admitted he lied.”“He admitted he exaggerated what happened between you two.”He doesn’t look surprised. “Of course he did.”“He also admitted he used me.”Something flickers across Nikolai's
JULIANIt’s strange how quickly life can change.A few days ago, I had a best friend.A few days ago, I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew who I could trust. I thought I understood the people around me and more importantly, I thought I understood myself.Now I’m not so sure about any of that.Nothing feels the same anymore.Everywhere I look, there are cracks. In my friendship with Theo. In the memories I have of the last eight years. In the person I thought I was.I keep wondering how much of my life was built on things that weren’t entirely true.Was Theo ever really my best friend?Did he actually care about me?Were there moments when he genuinely put me first, or was I simply too blind to notice that I was always the one giving more?I don't have answers. And perhaps that's the worst part.I used to think knowing the truth would make everything easier. It hasn't. It has only made everything complicated.Some part of me still doesn’t believe it. Sometimes I think maybe I i
JULIANThe words settle between us, heavy with something unspoken.It sounds like a warning. Or an invitation. I’m not sure which.I just know, even with my senses tingling, I still don’t step back. I don’t walk away like I should.Around us, the party is still going on, loud and messy. But at that
JULIANHe walks across the room like he owns it. Like everything around him bends to his will.People move out of his way wordlessly as he passes, as if under a spell, creating a space for him to walk freely.His eyes flick over my face as he approaches, slow and assessing, like he’s cataloguing so
NIKOLAII wrinkle my nose as I drag the body across the basement floor and onto the middle of the large nylon.Sweat rolls down my face, dripping onto the floor and my muscles strain from the effort.“I could use a little help here, Caleb,” I mutter to my annoying brother as he stands there and wat
JULIANI didn’t know love could ruin everything I cared about.Which is funny to me because I grew up never knowing the true meaning of love.To me, it was just a word I heard everywhere, a word people used freely but I never understood.No one ever used it for me and I never thought to use it for







