LOGINJULIAN
The words settle between us, heavy with something unspoken. It sounds like a warning. Or an invitation. I’m not sure which. I just know, even with my senses tingling, I still don’t step back. I don’t walk away like I should. Around us, the party is still going on, loud and messy. But at that moment, it feels distant. Muted. Like none of it matters. Like this… whatever it is… is the only thing that does. I force out a small scoff, trying to regain control of the conversation. “And what exactly should I be scared of?” There’s the faintest shift in Nikolai’s expression. It isn’t quite a smile or anything warm. Before he can respond, a familiar voice cuts in. “Julian?” Theo. Relief floods me so quickly it almost feels embarrassing. But beneath that, there is a little bit of guilt, like I’ve been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I push that away and turn toward him immediately. Theo steps up beside me, his presence warm, grounding. His gaze flicks between us, confusion settling on his face. He doesn’t speak at first. His gaze lingers on Nikolai as if waiting for something. Then, he says slowly. “Nikolai?” There’s tension in his voice now. A little bit of coldness too, making his voice hard. Nikolai doesn’t look at him at first. His eyes stay on me for a second longer and then he shifts his attention. “Hello,” he says. His tone is neutral. Empty. Disinterested. He doesn’t even say his name. It's like nothing has ever happened between them. Like Theo is just a stranger he’s being polite to. Beside me, Theo goes completely still. If I couldn’t see the rise and fall of his chest, I’d think he's turned into a statue. My jaw clenches. How dare Nikolai not even have the decency to acknowledge him? How dare he act like Theo’s someone that’s easily forgotten, someone easily cast away? I open my mouth to speak, not even sure of what I’m about to say, but Nikolai is already stepping back. Disengaging, like the conversation is over. Like he’s said everything he came to say. “Enjoy the party,” he says, his eyes swinging between us, his voice smooth, almost polite. Then he turns and walks away. Just like that. I stare after him, my mind spinning. “What was that? What did he want?” Theo asks, his voice tight. I shake my head slowly. “I don’t know. He didn’t say anything meaningful.” But that's not entirely true. It's just that I don't know how to explain it to Theo. Something about our interaction feels more. The way he looked at me. The things he said. It didn’t feel random. It didn’t feel meaningless. And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. Because it feels like I’ve just caught the attention of a dangerous predator.NIKOLAI I shut my eyes. Fuck, the urge to punch him again is very strong. But I know if I do it, Derek won’t be as forgiving this time. “I was only trying to protect you.” I spin toward him in disbelief. “Protect me? Seriously?” He shrugs. “Believe it or not.” “What about what you did gives protection?” “Like I said, believe me or not. Up to you.” My teeth grind. “I don’t need your shitty protection.” “Well you have it anyway.” I shake my head, running my hand through my hair as I lower myself on the couch. Neither of us speaks for a long time. Caleb moves to take the chair across from me. I can feel him staring at me, but I don’t meet his gaze. “I don’t want what happened back then to happen again,” he starts carefully. “I saw a different side of you. I almost didn’t recognize you.” My left eye twitches as I stare down at the rug. I hate that a part of me agrees with him. I almost didn’t recognize myself either. For years, I promised myself that I would never be that gu
NIKOLAI The following day, I’m in my room, trying to keep my mind off Julian and pour my emotions into a canvas when my bedroom door opens. For a wild second, I think that Julian has decided to come back. But when I glance at the doorway, I see the devil instead. “What the fuck are you doing here?” “Good morning to you too, asshole,” Caleb says. There are bruises all over his face and his lip is slightly swollen. Seeing that fills me with little satisfaction. But it’s not enough. “Fuck off. Get out.” “Still charming, I see.” I close my eyes. Seeing Caleb is making the voices in my head louder and I’m trying very hard not to listen to them. Before I do something I’ll regret. Like killing my own brother. Or scorching the earth to find Julian. “Whatever you want, Caleb, I’m not interested.” “Good. Because I don’t particularly want to speak to you either. Derek wants us at the study. He’s called for a meeting.” I frown. “Why?” “How the fuck should I know? Maybe he's finally
NIKOLAIWith that, Julian hangs up. I don’t bother calling him again, because I know he won’t answer.Afterall, he says he needs space.Space. The thought of it makes me feel dizzy.I fucking hate that word.What does it even mean? Does he want a few hours? A day? A week?Does he want to be away from me until he can look at me without remembering my dark past?Is this his way of telling me he’s done?My lungs constrict at that, making it difficult to breathe, and I stand up abruptly.I have a lot of pent-up energy and frustration I need to let loose or I’m going to fucking lose it completely.So I go the nearest wall and punch it. Pain blossoms in my knuckles but the wall barely makes a dent. Damn the walls in this house for being so fucking thick.Still, I don’t let that or the pain stop me. I punch the wall several more times after that, pouring all my anger and frustration into each hit.Damn Julian for making me feel like this. Damn him for worming his way into my head, my heart,
NIKOLAII pace the length of the living room, feeling my stomach tighten more in knots with each passing minute. There’s blood all over me, my knuckles are split, pain shoots across my ribs and shoulders every time I so much as inhale or move slightly. But I can’t focus on any of that.The only thing I can focus on is the fact that Julian has disappeared and I don’t know where he is. The fact that he’s not been picking up my calls is just the cherry on top of an already shitty cake.Where the fuck is he?I try to steady my shaky fingers as I bring my phone up to my ear to call him again.It rings for a few seconds and then enters voicemail. Just like it has been doing for the past thirty fucking times.I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the screen, my jaw tightening.“Fuck!” I fling the phone onto the couch.It bounces against the cushions, landing screen-up. Julian’s name is still displayed, mocking me.He’s not coming back, the voices taunt me. He doesn’t want to be wit
JULIAN “I don't know what I'm going to do,” I whisper. “Don't decide anything because you feel like you owe him something.” I look at him sharply. “I don't owe him anything.” “Good.” “And I don't owe you anything, either.” His face falls. “Of course. I know that.” I study him for a moment. There was a time when I would have given anything to hear Theo admit that. To hear him acknowledge that our friendship doesn’t give him ownership over my choices, that caring about someone doesn’t mean they have to put up with being hurt. Now that he’s finally said it, I can’t tell whether it’s too late. “I came here because I was worried about you,” I tell him. “Because no matter what happened between us, I couldn't just ignore that phone call. But that doesn't mean everything is fixed.” “I know.” “And it doesn't mean I'm coming home.” He nods, tears slipping silently down his temples. “I know, Julian.” I reach for the tissue box on the bedside table and hand him one. He takes it wit
JULIAN My first thought when I finally get to enter Theo’s room is that Theo doesn’t look like Theo. He looks different as he lies on the bed, all sorts of tubing and monitors connected to him. I’ve never thought of Theo as a particularly intimidating person, but he’s always seemed so certain of himself. Even when he’s wrong, even when he’s being stubborn, he carries himself as if the world will eventually bend to his will. Now, with his face pale and exhaustion written across his features, he looks nothing like his usual self. I stop beside the bed. “Theo.” His eyes open slowly. For a moment, he merely stares at me, as if he can’t believe I’m standing right in front of him. His face crumples slightly before he looks away. Over the past few days, I’ve imagined what I’ll say if I see him again. I’ve rehearsed it in my head several times. I’d tell him he was a liar. I’d tell him he ruined everything. I’d tell him I was tired of being the doormat in our relationship and forgivi
JULIANHe walks across the room like he owns it. Like everything around him bends to his will.People move out of his way wordlessly as he passes, as if under a spell, creating a space for him to walk freely.His eyes flick over my face as he approaches, slow and assessing, like he’s cataloguing so
JULIANI hate going to parties. Always have, ever since I was a kid.Maybe it’s the noise, or it’s the being around people, or maybe it’s the forced social interaction.Whatever it is, I do my best to avoid parties.But one thing I can’t do is say no to Theo.Which is how I find myself in Rose Cla
NIKOLAIThe saws whir to life, drowning out the sound of anything else.The thick metallic smell of blood hangs in the air, almost overwhelming the rest of my senses.I focus on the process, not the body beneath my hands. I concentrate my attention on making clean lines, on making accurate, control
NIKOLAII wrinkle my nose as I drag the body across the basement floor and onto the middle of the large nylon.Sweat rolls down my face, dripping onto the floor and my muscles strain from the effort.“I could use a little help here, Caleb,” I mutter to my annoying brother as he stands there and wat







