LOGINJULIAN
The words settle between us, heavy with something unspoken. It sounds like a warning. Or an invitation. I’m not sure which. I just know, even with my senses tingling, I still don’t step back. I don’t walk away like I should. Around us, the party is still going on, loud and messy. But at that moment, it feels distant. Muted. Like none of it matters. Like this… whatever it is… is the only thing that does. I force out a small scoff, trying to regain control of the conversation. “And what exactly should I be scared of?” There’s the faintest shift in Nikolai’s expression. It isn’t quite a smile or anything warm. Before he can respond, a familiar voice cuts in. “Julian?” Theo. Relief floods me so quickly it almost feels embarrassing. But beneath that, there is a little bit of guilt, like I’ve been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I push that away and turn toward him immediately. Theo steps up beside me, his presence warm, grounding. His gaze flicks between us, confusion settling on his face. He doesn’t speak at first. His gaze lingers on Nikolai as if waiting for something. Then, he says slowly. “Nikolai?” There’s tension in his voice now. A little bit of coldness too, making his voice hard. Nikolai doesn’t look at him at first. His eyes stay on me for a second longer and then he shifts his attention. “Hello,” he says. His tone is neutral. Empty. Disinterested. He doesn’t even say his name. It's like nothing has ever happened between them. Like Theo is just a stranger he’s being polite to. Beside me, Theo goes completely still. If I couldn’t see the rise and fall of his chest, I’d think he's turned into a statue. My jaw clenches. How dare Nikolai not even have the decency to acknowledge him? How dare he act like Theo’s someone that’s easily forgotten, someone easily cast away? I open my mouth to speak, not even sure of what I’m about to say, but Nikolai is already stepping back. Disengaging, like the conversation is over. Like he’s said everything he came to say. “Enjoy the party,” he says, his eyes swinging between us, his voice smooth, almost polite. Then he turns and walks away. Just like that. I stare after him, my mind spinning. “What was that? What did he want?” Theo asks, his voice tight. I shake my head slowly. “I don’t know. He didn’t say anything meaningful.” But that's not entirely true. It's just that I don't know how to explain it to Theo. Something about our interaction feels more. The way he looked at me. The things he said. It didn’t feel random. It didn’t feel meaningless. And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. Because it feels like I’ve just caught the attention of a dangerous predator.NIKOLAII stay silent, my heart pounding hard. Whether in fear or anger, I don’t know.Maybe it’s both.My silence is enough of an answer for Caleb.“Fuck, Nikolai,” he curses.My jaw tightens. “He knows enough.”“That’s not an answer.”“He knows I’m not exactly a good person.”“That’s one hell of an understatement. But it’s not what I’m asking. I asked if he knows about her. About your—”I cut him off before he can continue. “Fuck, Caleb. Can you let me breathe for one second? Why do you always have to interfere when I’m happy? Why do you have to try and ruin everything?”My voice rises toward the end, my breaths coming out in pants.For a second, I think Julian might hear and come downstairs but I’m relieved when I hear no footsteps.Caleb’s expression softens as he stares at me.“You know I’m not doing this out of malice.”I scoff. “Bullshit.”“Believe what you want. It’s the truth. You know I’m right and that he needs to know. He needs to know everything about you. And that includ
NIKOLAII’m in the living room that evening watching a documentary when Caleb appears.I sigh the instant I see him.Of course. The day has been going almost too perfectly, aside from that little hiccup Julian and I had in the morning, with Julian wanting to be in my presence and spending time with me all day.He only kicked me out of my own room this evening because he had an assignment to work on and he needed to ‘focus.’As if he couldn’t do that with me in the room.Anyway, I’m not surprised Caleb has come to ruin that peace.Even though I ignore his presence and don’t acknowledge him, he comes to sit beside me on the couch anyway.That’s never enough to stop him.We stay in silence for a while, neither of us willing to speak up first, as he stares at the television.I know it’s not like he’s enjoying it. He can’t even stand documentaries. He finds them boring and in his own words, “Why do I have to sit down for two hours and watch someone tell me something I can just find out mys
JULIANThat shouldn’t make my stomach flutter but it does anyway.I take another sip and lean against the counter.“So… what are we doing today?”He does a double take, as if surprised that I’m considering spending the day with him, rather than rejecting him as usual.“Up to you,” he replies, as a slow grin spreads across his face.“Or perhaps we should just stay home,” I say thoughtfully. “You must be tired. I’m sure you didn’t get much sleep.”“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”I study him carefully. “You spent the entire night cleaning again, didn’t you?”He shrugs stiffly. “Maybe.”“We need to talk about that.”“Trust me, I’m used to it. You’d be surprised how much I have to do it on the regular.”“It’s not about that. It’s about the fact that it’s not exactly healthy. Especially if you’re using it as some form of coping mechanism.”He scoffs. “Nice, Julian. When did you turn into a psychologist?”“You’re right. I’m not one. But maybe you do need one. Or a psychiatrist. I’m not sur
JULIANThe next morning when I wake up, I’m not surprised the other side of the bed is empty.I’d be surprised if Nikolai went back to sleep after all that. Something tells me this isn’t the first time this has happened.For a few seconds, I lie perfectly still as I recollect the events of last night slash the early hours of this morning.I’m not sure of what to do with the new information I’ve learned. With seeing the boy behind the supposed monster.It’s a bit disconcerting to try to fit the man before me with the boy he was or the man he could’ve been if that boy had been protected. If he’d, perhaps, met someone kinder.Someone that didn’t punish him for not being like everyone else.I push myself upright and rub my eyes.Thankfully, it’s Saturday, which means I don’t have anywhere urgent to be. No reason to rush out of bed.Yet, I feel restless.My eyes drift toward the bedroom door. I wonder where Nikolai is.If he’s downstairs still performing whatever strange ritual he does to
JULIAN I blink. “What?” It sounds so stupid that I think he’s joking at first. But the look on his face says otherwise. “I never cried no matter what happened. Or what he did. It drove him crazy. Sometimes he would do things just to get a reaction out of me. Like…” His lips press together tightly. “...hitting me.” My stomach drops. “Nikolai…” His voice is strangely calm. “It only made him angrier when I didn’t give him what he wanted.” I feel something twist painfully in my chest. “How often?” He shrugs. “Don’t know. A lot. To him, I was a… freak. He was obsessed with ‘turning me normal.’” I swallow at that, my chest tightening painfully. He looks at me sharply. “Don’t feel sorry for me. It wasn’t as bad as you think. I don’t even remember most of it.” I know that’s a lie. He certainly still remembers if he’s still dreaming about it years after it has happened. But I don’t call him out on it. If that’s how he chooses to deal with it, then who am I to judge him
JULIAN I don’t know what time it is when I wake up. The room is still dark. For one disorienting moment, I have no idea where I am. Or even what triggered me awake. Then I hear it. “Stop…” The voice sounds angry, irritated, yet there’s an underlying edge of vulnerability. It’s enough to make my eyes open. Nikolai is still asleep beside me, except he doesn’t look peaceful. His eyebrows are drawn together. His breathing is uneven, coming out in harsh pants, and his hands are clenched tightly into the sheets. “Stop…” The word comes out again. “Please…” My chest tightens. “Nikolai?” He doesn’t wake. His head shifts against the pillow. “No…” I sit up and call his name again. “Nikolai.” His breathing becomes heavier. “I don’t want to.” The words are barely audible. I don’t know what to do. I’m not used to seeing him like this. The man who always seems like nothing ruffles his feathers is lying beside me looking terrified. I reach out and touch his shoulder, shaking hi
JULIANHe walks across the room like he owns it. Like everything around him bends to his will.People move out of his way wordlessly as he passes, as if under a spell, creating a space for him to walk freely.His eyes flick over my face as he approaches, slow and assessing, like he’s cataloguing so
JULIANI hate going to parties. Always have, ever since I was a kid.Maybe it’s the noise, or it’s the being around people, or maybe it’s the forced social interaction.Whatever it is, I do my best to avoid parties.But one thing I can’t do is say no to Theo.Which is how I find myself in Rose Cla
NIKOLAIThe saws whir to life, drowning out the sound of anything else.The thick metallic smell of blood hangs in the air, almost overwhelming the rest of my senses.I focus on the process, not the body beneath my hands. I concentrate my attention on making clean lines, on making accurate, control
NIKOLAII wrinkle my nose as I drag the body across the basement floor and onto the middle of the large nylon.Sweat rolls down my face, dripping onto the floor and my muscles strain from the effort.“I could use a little help here, Caleb,” I mutter to my annoying brother as he stands there and wat







