تسجيل الدخولJULIAN
The words settle between us, heavy with something unspoken. It sounds like a warning. Or an invitation. I’m not sure which. I just know, even with my senses tingling, I still don’t step back. I don’t walk away like I should. Around us, the party is still going on, loud and messy. But at that moment, it feels distant. Muted. Like none of it matters. Like this… whatever it is… is the only thing that does. I force out a small scoff, trying to regain control of the conversation. “And what exactly should I be scared of?” There’s the faintest shift in Nikolai’s expression. It isn’t quite a smile or anything warm. Before he can respond, a familiar voice cuts in. “Julian?” Theo. Relief floods me so quickly it almost feels embarrassing. But beneath that, there is a little bit of guilt, like I’ve been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I push that away and turn toward him immediately. Theo steps up beside me, his presence warm, grounding. His gaze flicks between us, confusion settling on his face. He doesn’t speak at first. His gaze lingers on Nikolai as if waiting for something. Then, he says slowly. “Nikolai?” There’s tension in his voice now. A little bit of coldness too, making his voice hard. Nikolai doesn’t look at him at first. His eyes stay on me for a second longer and then he shifts his attention. “Hello,” he says. His tone is neutral. Empty. Disinterested. He doesn’t even say his name. It's like nothing has ever happened between them. Like Theo is just a stranger he’s being polite to. Beside me, Theo goes completely still. If I couldn’t see the rise and fall of his chest, I’d think he's turned into a statue. My jaw clenches. How dare Nikolai not even have the decency to acknowledge him? How dare he act like Theo’s someone that’s easily forgotten, someone easily cast away? I open my mouth to speak, not even sure of what I’m about to say, but Nikolai is already stepping back. Disengaging, like the conversation is over. Like he’s said everything he came to say. “Enjoy the party,” he says, his eyes swinging between us, his voice smooth, almost polite. Then he turns and walks away. Just like that. I stare after him, my mind spinning. “What was that? What did he want?” Theo asks, his voice tight. I shake my head slowly. “I don’t know. He didn’t say anything meaningful.” But that's not entirely true. It's just that I don't know how to explain it to Theo. Something about our interaction feels more. The way he looked at me. The things he said. It didn’t feel random. It didn’t feel meaningless. And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. Because it feels like I’ve just caught the attention of a dangerous predator.JULIANHe makes a point of adjusting himself in his jeans.I smack him instantly. “Seriously? We’re surrounded by children, you idiot.”He looks around. “I knew about things like this when I was their age.”“You’re so embarrassing.”I shake my head as I insert a coin and grab the steering wheel..Nikolai takes the space beside me.“I bet you don’t even know how to play,” I say.“I’ll figure it out.”“For the record, I spent most of my time playing these as a kid. Good luck beating me.”He grins as the race begins.As expected, I take the lead but it only takes him moments to catch up.Before I know it, he overtakes me and takes the lead.“How…”“Natural talent.”I glance at him briefly. “You’ve played this before, haven’t you?”“Maybe.”“You liar.”He laughs. “I never said I didn’t know how to play. You assumed that.”I feel something in me loosen at the sound of his laughter.I’m trying so hard to cling to my anger, because I’m still mad at him, but it’s difficult.This is the most f
JULIANAs much as people advocate going out and breathing some fresh air, you’d think it had some kind of magical cure.But apparently going to a public park doesn’t automatically solve all of your problems.I sit on a bench beneath a large oak tree, watching people pass by as the late afternoon sun filters through the leaves.Despite my lingering melancholy, I can’t deny that it’s peaceful here.It’s better than going home at least.Home used to be somewhere comforting, somewhere I could relax. Now it’s a place that brings a lot of pain and awkwardness. It’s an awful reminder of everything that’s gone wrong with my life.Theo is there. I’m there. And it couldn’t be more awkward. Neither of us knows what to say to the other.We barely speak. We pass each other in the kitchen and pretend the other person isn't there.Sometimes I hear him walking past my bedroom door. Sometimes I hear him stop.He never knocks.I don't know whether I'm relieved or disappointed.Either way, I don’t want
JULIANBefore I can utter a word of protest, he starts dragging me along.I don’t want to cause a scene so I follow him. Or at least, that’s what I choose to think.He leads me to an empty lecture room and locks the door behind us.His eyes scan my face as he turns to me, leaning against the closed door.“How are you doing?”I glare at him. “How the fuck do you think? Everything that I thought I knew turned out to be a lie. All thanks to you.”He shrugs. “You’re welcome.”I roll my eyes. Typical Nikolai.Somehow, the fact that he’s the same as he usually is feels weirdly familiar. Comforting, even.I hate that I feel that way.He takes a few steps toward me. “How did your conversation with Theo go?”My expression immediately hardens. “I’m sure you have an idea.”His mouth curves slightly. “So he admitted he lied.”“He admitted he exaggerated what happened between you two.”He doesn’t look surprised. “Of course he did.”“He also admitted he used me.”Something flickers across Nikolai's
JULIANIt’s strange how quickly life can change.A few days ago, I had a best friend.A few days ago, I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew who I could trust. I thought I understood the people around me and more importantly, I thought I understood myself.Now I’m not so sure about any of that.Nothing feels the same anymore.Everywhere I look, there are cracks. In my friendship with Theo. In the memories I have of the last eight years. In the person I thought I was.I keep wondering how much of my life was built on things that weren’t entirely true.Was Theo ever really my best friend?Did he actually care about me?Were there moments when he genuinely put me first, or was I simply too blind to notice that I was always the one giving more?I don't have answers. And perhaps that's the worst part.I used to think knowing the truth would make everything easier. It hasn't. It has only made everything complicated.Some part of me still doesn’t believe it. Sometimes I think maybe I i
NIKOLAIHis face twists. “And yet you still broke my heart.”I shrug. “People get hurt. I made things clear before we slept together.”His eyes burn. “You made me feel like I mattered.”“No. You decided that all on your own. You chose to live in your fantasies rather than reality.”Theo goes silent after that as his face contorts in pain.I’d pity him if I had a heart. Spoiler alert, I don’t.Even if I have two fucks to give, it won’t be for him, of all people.“You know what bothers me the most?” I ask. “It isn’t even what you did to me. It’s what you did to Julian.”His expression closes off. “Leave him out of this.”“Why? He’s the reason we’re standing here. He wanted to help you. He loved you and would do anything for you. And you weaponized that.”“I didn’t—”“You did.” I push off the wall and step closer until we’re barely an arm’s length apart. “You took advantage of the one person who’d do anything for you because you couldn’t move on.”Theo looks furious now. “I didn’t make h
NIKOLAIOne of the worst things in the world is being forced to attend a class when you can barely pay attention and would rather do anything else.Like hitting your head against a tree. Or launching yourself into space.Thankfully, the lecture ends five minutes early.Professor Harris barely finishes dismissing us before half the class is already filing toward the door.I wait for the crowd to thin before gathering my things.Julian hasn’t responded to any of my texts. Not that I’m surprised. He’s angry. Confused. Heartbroken now that I’m sure he’s found out that his dearest ‘best friend’ lied to him.I expected him to ignore me but it bothers me nonetheless. It’s… irritating.I’m trying to give him space rather than force myself into his presence and trust me, it’s very hard.As I step into the hallway, the overlapping voices of students surrounding me, I debate if it’d be too soon to approach Julian.I’ve given him enough space, haven’t I?Maybe I should make a quick stop at the B
JULIANI hate going to parties. Always have, ever since I was a kid.Maybe it’s the noise, or it’s the being around people, or maybe it’s the forced social interaction.Whatever it is, I do my best to avoid parties.But one thing I can’t do is say no to Theo.Which is how I find myself in Rose Cla
NIKOLAIThe saws whir to life, drowning out the sound of anything else.The thick metallic smell of blood hangs in the air, almost overwhelming the rest of my senses.I focus on the process, not the body beneath my hands. I concentrate my attention on making clean lines, on making accurate, control
NIKOLAII wrinkle my nose as I drag the body across the basement floor and onto the middle of the large nylon.Sweat rolls down my face, dripping onto the floor and my muscles strain from the effort.“I could use a little help here, Caleb,” I mutter to my annoying brother as he stands there and wat
JULIANI didn’t know love could ruin everything I cared about.Which is funny to me because I grew up never knowing the true meaning of love.To me, it was just a word I heard everywhere, a word people used freely but I never understood.No one ever used it for me and I never thought to use it for







