LOGINNIKOLAIWith that, Julian hangs up. I don’t bother calling him again, because I know he won’t answer.Afterall, he says he needs space.Space. The thought of it makes me feel dizzy.I fucking hate that word.What does it even mean? Does he want a few hours? A day? A week?Does he want to be away from me until he can look at me without remembering my dark past?Is this his way of telling me he’s done?My lungs constrict at that, making it difficult to breathe, and I stand up abruptly.I have a lot of pent-up energy and frustration I need to let loose or I’m going to fucking lose it completely.So I go the nearest wall and punch it. Pain blossoms in my knuckles but the wall barely makes a dent. Damn the walls in this house for being so fucking thick.Still, I don’t let that or the pain stop me. I punch the wall several more times after that, pouring all my anger and frustration into each hit.Damn Julian for making me feel like this. Damn him for worming his way into my head, my heart,
NIKOLAII pace the length of the living room, feeling my stomach tighten more in knots with each passing minute. There’s blood all over me, my knuckles are split, pain shoots across my ribs and shoulders every time I so much as inhale or move slightly. But I can’t focus on any of that.The only thing I can focus on is the fact that Julian has disappeared and I don’t know where he is. The fact that he’s not been picking up my calls is just the cherry on top of an already shitty cake.Where the fuck is he?I try to steady my shaky fingers as I bring my phone up to my ear to call him again.It rings for a few seconds and then enters voicemail. Just like it has been doing for the past thirty fucking times.I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the screen, my jaw tightening.“Fuck!” I fling the phone onto the couch.It bounces against the cushions, landing screen-up. Julian’s name is still displayed, mocking me.He’s not coming back, the voices taunt me. He doesn’t want to be wit
JULIAN “I don't know what I'm going to do,” I whisper. “Don't decide anything because you feel like you owe him something.” I look at him sharply. “I don't owe him anything.” “Good.” “And I don't owe you anything, either.” His face falls. “Of course. I know that.” I study him for a moment. There was a time when I would have given anything to hear Theo admit that. To hear him acknowledge that our friendship doesn’t give him ownership over my choices, that caring about someone doesn’t mean they have to put up with being hurt. Now that he’s finally said it, I can’t tell whether it’s too late. “I came here because I was worried about you,” I tell him. “Because no matter what happened between us, I couldn't just ignore that phone call. But that doesn't mean everything is fixed.” “I know.” “And it doesn't mean I'm coming home.” He nods, tears slipping silently down his temples. “I know, Julian.” I reach for the tissue box on the bedside table and hand him one. He takes it wit
JULIAN My first thought when I finally get to enter Theo’s room is that Theo doesn’t look like Theo. He looks different as he lies on the bed, all sorts of tubing and monitors connected to him. I’ve never thought of Theo as a particularly intimidating person, but he’s always seemed so certain of himself. Even when he’s wrong, even when he’s being stubborn, he carries himself as if the world will eventually bend to his will. Now, with his face pale and exhaustion written across his features, he looks nothing like his usual self. I stop beside the bed. “Theo.” His eyes open slowly. For a moment, he merely stares at me, as if he can’t believe I’m standing right in front of him. His face crumples slightly before he looks away. Over the past few days, I’ve imagined what I’ll say if I see him again. I’ve rehearsed it in my head several times. I’d tell him he was a liar. I’d tell him he ruined everything. I’d tell him I was tired of being the doormat in our relationship and forgivi
JULIANThe reception area is crowded when I arrive at the hospital. People sit in plastic chairs with worried expressions and tired eyes. A child cries somewhere down the corridor. A nurse hurries past with a clipboard tucked against her chest.I find Rick near the emergency department.He’s pacing in front of a row of chairs, his hands buried in his hair. He looks up when he hears my footsteps.“Julian. You’re here.”I stop in front of him. “How is he?”“He’s alive. That’s all I’ve been told so far. I’m waiting for someone to tell me more.”“Have you called his parents?”Rick hesitates and starts fiddling with his fingers. “Um…I’m not sure Theo would want me to. You know how he is.”I press my lips together, trying to steady my breathing. “Do you know why…he did it?”He gives me a strange look. “He’s been having a hard time lately.”I look away. Of course he has. And that’s partly my fault.We’ve been fighting. I left the apartment. I told him I didn’t know if I could forgive him, or
JULIANI can’t stop seeing the blood.It’s everywhere whenever I close my eyes. On Nikolai’s knuckles. On Caleb’s mouth. Streaked across Nikolai’s cheekbones and mingling with the fury in his eyes as he lunged at his own brother.This was even worse than when he’d attacked David.I almost couldn’t recognize him anymore. It wasn’t because of the violence, or that I thought the blood had transformed him into some unrecognizable monster.I saw something in him that I didn’t want to see.Nikolai looked at Caleb like he wanted to tear him apart. His own brother. He looked at Derek and River like they were obstacles standing between him and the satisfaction of finishing what he started.Now, sitting on the edge of the bed in the guest room, I press the heels of my hands against my eyes and try to breathe.I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here. Could be minutes or hours. Time has become somewhat meaningless since Caleb’s chilling revelation.Nikolai killed her.He killed his own mothe
JULIANThe words settle between us, heavy with something unspoken.It sounds like a warning. Or an invitation. I’m not sure which.I just know, even with my senses tingling, I still don’t step back. I don’t walk away like I should.Around us, the party is still going on, loud and messy. But at that
JULIANHe walks across the room like he owns it. Like everything around him bends to his will.People move out of his way wordlessly as he passes, as if under a spell, creating a space for him to walk freely.His eyes flick over my face as he approaches, slow and assessing, like he’s cataloguing so
NIKOLAII wrinkle my nose as I drag the body across the basement floor and onto the middle of the large nylon.Sweat rolls down my face, dripping onto the floor and my muscles strain from the effort.“I could use a little help here, Caleb,” I mutter to my annoying brother as he stands there and wat
JULIANI didn’t know love could ruin everything I cared about.Which is funny to me because I grew up never knowing the true meaning of love.To me, it was just a word I heard everywhere, a word people used freely but I never understood.No one ever used it for me and I never thought to use it for







