Chapter 4 Same Person at Different Times

CLAIRE

He was Matthew Alaric Kingsley, the man I had rejected in high school because I loved Charles more back then.

And now, he reappeared. Unbidden and suddenly in front of me, helping me.

"What's going on with you, Claire?"

That deep voice entered my ears like a high-speed train that unceremoniously woke me up from the dark, lightless room.

Then his eyes descended to watch my belly. "Are you pregnant?"

I shook my head weakly. "I used to be. But not anymore."

His eyes widened. Followed by the two arms that suddenly lifted my body. "I'm taking you back to your room. Where is it?"

This is the difference between Matthew and Charles. Matthew would do something first while Charles would choose to ask first. And unfortunately I'm the type who likes to be asked and then given attention.

So what Matthew does seems too sudden to me and sometimes I don't like that sudden change. And that was one of the things that made me feel uncomfortable and reject him.

I did swallow my own bitter pill. Choosing someone I love instead of someone who loves me.

"Room number 501. In case you're wondering, I had a miscarriage," I explained.

His steps paused for a few seconds before he started walking again.

He didn't say anything on the way until he made sure I was lying on the gurney comfortably. Only then did he pull out a chair and sit beside me.

Still silent, he handed me a glass of water. "Calm yourself first and then talk."

It was not a compromise but a strict order. And strangely, I did it willingly.

I gulped down the water in the glass and Matthew took it back. Only then did he look at me intently.

"I'm so sorry for your loss. Where is your husband?"

I chuckled. "Are you really grieving or just missing Charles?"

His jaw tightened. "He shouldn't have let you wander around alone. Where is he?"

If Matthew had known that I was wandering around looking for Charles, he would’ve thrown many punches at him, just like he did back in high school.

But since I didn't want to cause a scene, I had to refrain from telling him what trouble I was in.

"He's out for a while," I said quietly. I then closed my eyes, pretending to be sleepy.

"You lied. His car is in the basement."

Shocked, but I tried not to show any reaction. "Oh yeah? By the way, how did you know Charles' car? You weren't stalking him were you?"

"So he's in this hospital too? Why cover it up?"

Being asked such a stern question made my courage plummet. I couldn't be honest, not now.

"He said goodbye to go home. So I didn't know he was back. I'm not covering anything up."

Matthew sighed heavily. Then there was the sound of a chair shifting. "It's not normal to leave the wife alone after a miscarriage."

"He's not that kind of husband. He's good."

"He still loves you?"

It was that question that finally made me open my eyes again. "Why do you ask me that?"

"Because I know you must still love him. I just want to make sure whether your love is still reciprocated or not."

It was like a hammer had been slammed into my chest. Even after several years had passed, it turned out that Matthew was still always right to guess everything.

At a time when Charles was having trouble guessing my feelings for him-which I thought were very clear-Matthew could even judge it correctly.

Matthew has always been a detailed observer. And that's also one of the things that made me stay away from him other than because I loved Charles. Because I couldn't bear to be with someone who was too detailed, who could know everything I felt.

I felt intimidated every time I was with Matthew. Because all his guesses were right, and it made me feel skinned.

Even though Matthew probably meant good. But somehow I just like someone like Charles.

And now honestly, I don't know about Charles' feelings for me. I just want to believe that it still hasn't changed.

Yes, I know I chose my own pain consciously. But my love for Charles was too great. I didn't know how to get out of this.

In this condition, I'm not sure I deserve to be accepted by anyone anymore.

"By the way, why are you here?"

"Taking mom for a routine check-up."

"Your mom is fine, right? How is she doing?"

"Don't try to change the topic, Claire. I'll wait here until he gets back."

Oh I think Matthew realized. Hence I shook my head quickly. "Don't. You can leave now. He'll get mad if he sees you here."

"I'll be the one to scold him."

"Matt, please. Don't make extra trouble. I've already had a hard day."

Those piercing eyes closed briefly before finally opening and appearing with a shadier look. "You're not tired?"

"You know physically that people who have miscarriages are tired."

"You already know what I mean, Claire," he said coldly and deeply.

I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. "Even if I am tired. Do I have a choice?"

"Yes. You do."

I chuckled. "Can you name it?"

"Leave Charles."

"No way."

"Why?"

"Because I still love him, Matt."

I couldn't separate the love and pain I felt for Charles anymore. I felt like it came as a package deal and I had to accept it all. So when asked like this, I was confused.

Leaving him was like ending a love story that had lasted for years, that I had nurtured since I was a teenager.

Leaving him would mean losing half of my life that I had grown up with.

I'm afraid I won't be whole again when I let Charles go.

I can't imagine having to start all over again.

I don't know if I can do it.

"Then explain why you miscarried. I want to hear it. If you can't answer, then I can conclude that it's because of Charles and he doesn't love you anymore."

"I–"

"Claire? Who was with you?"

I opened my eyes at the sound of Charles' voice. It turned out that Matthew was sitting with his back to the door and facing me completely, which was why he didn't know who the man I was with during the time he was with Eva.

And before I could say anything, Matthew stood up. Before he turned around, he gave me a small nod, as if giving me reassurance.

"Long time no see, Mr. CEO of Ashford Group," Matthew said firmly.

Charles looked at Matthew and then at me. His hands clenched into fists and his walk became faster. Until then he pulled my hand, making my body sit down forcefully.

"How dare you cheat on me!" His hand flew into the air.

I closed my eyes. But instead of feeling the slap, I heard Matthew's cold and stern voice....

"Take your hands off Claire or I will destroy you and your company."