Chapter 3 Bitter

CLAIRE

I tried to act normal but my feelings couldn't lie.

I loved Charles and that's why it hurt so much to see him prioritize his best friend over his own wife.

I still remember what Charles said, that his best friend in his life was very important.

But I never thought that the best friend he was referring to was a woman, who was also pregnant. And I never knew that he would choose his best friend over his wife who was always there for him.

In my mind, the only woman Charles cared about after marriage was me. But I was wrong, Charles still preferred his best friend.

What should I do to make Charles prioritize me again? I want to be his first and foremost again. Because I'm his wife and because I'm pregnant with his child.

Do I have to... oh my gosh, why is this? Why does my belly suddenly feel like it's being stabbed?

I couldn't walk anymore. My body collapsed to the floor.

And when I looked down, I saw blood dripping from my leg.

Oh God! This is bad. I had to call Charles to take me to hospital.

Carefully and enduring the pain, I went back to our daughter’s room. I turned the door handle, but it was locked.

Not giving up, I knocked on the door while holding my belly with my other hand.

"Charlie? I'm bleeding. Please, take me to the hospital now. This is really bad."

I groaned as I felt the blood coming back out. And since there was no response, I knocked on the door again but a little louder this time. "Babe? If you hear me, please come out. I'm really in pain."

I thought that after I explained my condition, Charles would come out. But he didn't.

One minute. Five minutes. Until my legs felt cramped, Charles did not come out to see me.

Until my body finally gave up, it could no longer endure all the pain in both my body and my heart. I collapsed to the floor with my hand on the doorknob.

My knocking became very weak as my head became dizzy and my vision became blurry.

The blood was also coming out more and more. I don't know whether it was because I violated the bedrest advice or because of the impact on my belly by Charles earlier.

I just felt sorry for my daughter who had done nothing wrong but had to bear the consequences. She shouldn't have to bear the consequences of her father's actions.

After all, it's her father's fault. Her presence is not the problem. She is not something that can be used as an excuse for Charles' change in attitude.

I'd rather take the blame than this holy child.

I admit that I was foolish for trusting Charles too much, so when he gave evidence, I was shocked.

I shouldn't have trusted him so easily back then. Even if he was the only one who could help me, I shouldn't have turned off my logic and put my feelings first.

Now that I want to regret it, it's too late. I've come this far.

The only thing I can choose is to survive. Even if it hurts, even if it's no longer important.

For the sake of my child. For her to have a father when she’s born. I will endure until the end.

***

It felt like I was in a different world when I opened my eyes. Everything was white and bright. The smell of medicine wafted into my nose and made me nauseous.

My hand felt heavy and when I looked, there was an IV attached to it.

I couldn't remember what had happened to me. And right now there was no one else in this room but me.

My daughter....

Wait, why is my belly flatter than before? Why is it flatter?

No, no, no. It's not what I thought, right?

"Mrs. Ashford, I'm so happy you’re awake. I am the nurse who will take care of you during your recovery."

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at the nurse confused. "What recovery? I'm fine."

The nurse grasped my other hand very tightly. At that moment, my whole body felt cold.

"We regret to inform you that your child cannot be saved. The bleeding that has occurred and the very weak state of the fetus make it difficult."

"You mean... I miscarried?"

"With a heavy heart I say that is true, Mrs. Ashford. There was only one choice, save you or your baby. And after asking your husband's opinion, he asked us to choose saving you."

I dismissed the nurse's hand. I felt that wasn't the reason Charles had in mind.

After seeing with my own eyes his intimacy with Eva, I thought Charles just wanted to get rid of our child. With the excuse that maybe he could live with Eva without feeling guilty about me. Because when our child is gone, he might not feel so guilty.

It's not fair. Neither for me nor for our child.

We both deserve to be safe and alive. And I firmly believe that if Charles had helped us earlier, then we both could’ve survived, without having to choose.

Now it was too late. The child I guarded with all my heart is gone. Because of my fault and Charles' fault. Because of the negligence of both of us.

My tears fell without me being able to stop them. They poured down my cheeks.

While the nurse was still trying to calm me down. But it didn't help much because what I needed right now was my support system, Charles.

But I don't know where Charles is. He wasn't here when I really needed him. From the moment I opened my eyes, I was alone.

"My husband... do you know where he is?" My lips trembled as I asked.

All I could think was that Charles was probably mad with me for failing to look after our child. But that contradicted the answer the nurse gave....

"Your husband is in the next room with his cousin. When he came here, he entrusted you to us and looked after his cousin who is also being treated."

Cousin?

“You mean Eva?”

“Yes. The patient name is Eva, Mrs. Ashford.”

Charles introduced Eva as his cousin?

I mean, why lie when the relationship between the two is just best friends?

Sadly, I was his wife. Shouldn't he be accompanying me at a time like this instead of that woman?

Why do I have to beg for attention from my husband? This isn't right.

"Then how is her... condition?" I asked in a trembling voice.

"The fetus is fine. It's just that she does look exhausted. So maybe she can go home tomorrow when the doctor gives the permission."

Enough with that answer, I knew that I should stop asking.

Now, am I wrong to blame Charles entirely for this?

I mean, Eva didn't look in pain at all. I'm the one who needs help. But why is he more worried about her? What kind of relationship do these two really have?

And beyond that, what do I need to do to heal from this massive heartbreak?

I'm not sure there's any medicine that can fix it.

But I don't want to just stay here either. I want to protest to Charles. At least then he would know that what he did was a big mistake.

"Where are you going Mrs. Ashford? Please stay where you are."

I brushed off the nurse's hand and pulled the IV out of my hand. In severe pain I tried to get up.

I wanna see Charles. I wanted to know what he was doing there with Eva.

I don't care what I see, I don't care. I just want to see him first. I wanted to know... if he felt guilty or not.

So I ignored all the restrictions. I strained my ears and my feet kept walking there, to the room next to mine.

I peeked through the small glass in the door. And that's when I saw Charles' body bent over, with Eva lying beneath him.

Charles kissed Eva's forehead for a long time before Eva finally put her arms around Charles' neck.

I... I couldn't look at them any longer.

I covered my mouth with both hands tightly. I walked away as fast as I could.

What I feared was indeed happening. Charles and Eva weren't just old friends. They were more than that. I know it.

Oh I can't imagine any further than this. I didn't want to know who the father of the child in Eva's womb was. I didn't want to know if Charles' reasons for bringing Eva to our home were true or not.

It was so painful. It was really painful.

God, which man should I trust now? Even the one who confessed his love and assured me that he loved me, all these years, could still play with other women.

It feels futile to open my heart again. Because my first love turned out to be my biggest heartbreak.

I wanted to run away as far as possible.

I didn't want to be sought after. I want to calm myself down.

I wanted to....

"Claire?"

I stopped in place because of that voice. It was a very familiar voice. The voice I heard last time a few years ago when he confessed his feelings for me.

I turned around and found him standing not far from me.

"That's right, you are Claire Madison Kehlani," he said again. This time with a deep but soft voice.

He walked quickly towards me when I felt my body lighten. He caught my body before I fell to the floor.

Those sharp eyes with that shady gaze had not changed. He was always the same as he was a few years ago.

His body, solid and warm, wrapped around mine. "I assume you still remember me?"