Early in the morning, the private plane set off from China to Italy. The flight was long, and I had nothing to do. Last night I tried to sleep in set on lights, but Han Wei disturbed me. Since then, I counted many sheep. Alas, it was futile. So I thought I would have the chance to rest during the flight.
''Luo Luo, we didn't have much time to talk yesterday.'' It was Xi An's voice. At the engagement party last night, we only had time to nod at each other. There were so many guests and friends of both families, and Yan Si and Xi An, together with their parents and family heads, had to pay attention to them. My mother and I were left to the side, but mom had old acquaintances in China, so she wasn't left alone, and I…well, I preferred being bored than speaking nonsense. Besides, I hated hypocrites, and most of the people there were like this.
''Well, we can make up for that until we land in Venice.'' I smiled gently, not too sad for my wasted opportunity to sleep, and not long after, we were having a conversation about our lives after we separated. I remembered Xi An as a shy and quiet girl. So, I was astonished when I found out she served for two years in the army. I couldn't perceive her as a soldier. She looked so sweet, girly and feminine. The only indicator showing her training was her muscular body. Actually, if I didn't know her, I would think she was a model despite that.
And her personality had undergone many changes. Being a year younger than me, she was more talkative than when we were children; however, she looked too timid. She didn't act like someone from the army with steady vision and confidence. Either my perception about the military was wrong, or she had a side of her character, which I didn't know. By the way, I wondered how she and my cousin would work out their relationship. He was an extrovert, and she seemed to be an introvert. I hoped they could cultivate mutual feelings because I really liked Xi An. After the long flight, the plane finally arrived in Italy. I was able to get some sleep, so I didn't completely feel totally wasted. When we checked at the hotel Xi An exclaimed happily.
''I can't believe my eyes! Isn't this the hotel where The Tourist was filmed?''
''No way, you know the movie?'' The voice of Yan Si was pleasantly surprised.
''Of course, I know. It's one of my favourites.'' Xi An's joy made her face radiant. My cousin looked at her, mesmerised. It looked like I was the only one who didn't know what was going on.
''What are you two talking about?'' I enquired curiously. The next second, their stunned gazes met my quizzical eyes.
''How can you live in a country when there are no movie restrictions by the government, and you didn't even watch this movie?'' Yan Si's voice was full of indignation.
''Well, I can't watch all the movies ever created.'' I retorted with irritation. ''Right, Xi An?''
''This is a movie with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. As Yan Si said, we can't always watch western movies, and it is surprising that you, as a person who can, didn't watch a classic like this.'' Excuse me, was this film really that good and popular? Pirates of the Caribbean and Mr and Mrs Smith were classics to me, but this…I didn't even know this ''The Tourist'' existed. And here I worried Xi An and Yan Si would have nothing in common. At least it was possible to have similar tastes regarding cinema. And looking down on people who didn't like the same as them.
''When we were on the plane, and I booked the hotel, I saw only two available rooms. It looks like Xi An will be left alone.'' After this statement, both of us looked at him like he was an alien.
''Shouldn't I be the one who is alone in her room?'' I asked mockingly, but he shook his head.
''Xi An is not a relative, nor she is married to me. It will be inappropriate.'' Really, what a lame excuse. I searched for his fiancée's face to analyse her expression. Unfortunately, I couldn't read anything from her tranquil features.
''You are engaged, so it's not a problem. Moreover, I don't want to listen to your snoring the whole night or to be hit by your arm.'' When we were children, Yan Si was afraid to sleep alone at night and often came into my room. I didn't know if he really snored, but he had bad sleeping habits and often hit me in the middle of the night with one of his limbs.
''I don't…'' He started, but I cut him midway.
''Xi An, sorry, you don't have luck with my cousin. Just forget being able to sleep after you marry.'' When I said these words, I didn't have the smallest idea of how accurate my prediction will be. In the future, Xi An started wearing scarfs almost every day. She complained a lot about having muscle and back pains, and if I didn't know better, I would think Yan Si was beating her. I guessed Xi An secretly cursed me in her mind for jinxing her.
I climbed the stairs leading to my room. It was spacious, comfy and had this Italian classy vibe. I used the daylights to catch up on some sleep. Despite finding a way to sleep at night with the lights on, my sleep wasn't deep and refreshing. I always felt tired. But it was better than being pulled into a world of endless misery. Even if I had nightmares, thanks to the light, they weren't that deep, and I always knew when I dreamed. I could find a way to wake up easily.
However, if I tried to sleep when there is only darkness around me, I often felt like I never escaped Xavier's torture. I screamed, waking up in cold sweat with a wildly beating heart and fear gripping my soul. I took a deep breath, trying not to think about it. After I came back in the past, I forced myself to ignore these memories. I didn't want to be reminded of all my desperation and helplessness back then. But sometimes, I felt like all I do is pointless. I was like a little child thinking that if it closes its eyes, then the monster under the bed will disappear. Part of me knew it would stay there until I face it. However, a bigger part of me was aware I was too weak to do it, and the better option is just to hope all of this would be better one day.
Without realising, the night came. There was a knock on the door, which woke me up. When I unlocked Xi An, and Yan Si entered.
''You remember I told you I had a plan about Bei He?'' I growled lowly. At least say good evening, you uncultured prick.
'' I am still young, and my memory is fine.'' I sat on a comfortable armchair while my cousin and his fiancée sat on the sofa.
''I shared my plan with Xi An, and she wanted to help. She has military training, and Bei He is not exactly a law-abiding citizen, so we will need someone who can take care of him.'' Well, well, future love – birds started to work together just fine.
''Ok. Do I have some role in your plan?''
''Yes, we need you to lure him so that Xi An can interrogate him. He works for one of your father's business partners so that you can track his location.''
''How am I supposed to lure him?'' I asked doubtfully, and Yan Si smiled widely.
''This is the funniest part of the plan.''
The morning air was crisp and fresh. The sun was shining brightly, and its warmth gently caressed my skin. I was lying on the concrete next to the pool in the yard of Leonardo’s two-story house. My eyes were closed, and I was exuding an air of tranquillity. Or at least I hoped my pretense was believable enough for the security guard whose eyes were glaring at me with murderous intent. I wish I could sigh, but that would give me away. Honestly, at this point, the constant threats to my life felt like an annoying chore I had to constantly deal with. A normal person would be scared, constantly on edge, looking behind their back to make sure there isn’t a crazy personal hitman or a mentally unstable woman trying to end them, but maybe because I died once, I became a bit indifferent. Or maybe my indifference was a result of me going cuckoo. Whichever one it was, I was too lazy to give a sh*t.The security guard looked around for the fifth time during the last ten minutes. No, not because h
Trigger warning, panic attack, suicide, ptsd 1 month later, Valetta, Malta I raised my hands wrapped in boxing gloves and tried to relax my shoulders. They shouldn’t be stiff or too high. That would make my belly vulnerable. I put my right leg forward and crouched a little just enough to easy to avoid an attack coming to my face. I looked at the man standing opposite me and once his eyes met mine, I tried to hit him with my right fist. He blocked it as always, but it didn’t’ mean it will stop me from trying to punch him again and again. When I tried to hit him for the fourth time, he raised his fist so quickly I couldn’t even see it before I felt pain on the left side of my head. I staggered backward and shook my head like a wet dog. ‘’ I told you to be careful when you attack because you leave your guard open.’’ Leo’s voice was even and unbothered. On the other hand, I was already breathing with difficulties. ‘’Don’t focus only on attacking. You need to prot
For the first time in a long while, I felt some semblance of satisfaction. Was it because Leonardo, the man I used to love so much without being reciprocated, was standing in front of me? No, definitely, not. It was because of the fear in the eyes of the woman who ordered my death and almost succeeded in taking my life. Her skin was as white as a sheet of paper, and her dark eyes were round with dread. Did I look like that when Xavier took a picture of me and sent it to her? Did she feel the same thing as me now? If the answer was yes, I could truthfully say that I understood her. I sincerely understood why she enjoyed watching the person she hated suffering. My gaze full of malice was promising endless pain if I got the chance to get near her. Noticing the promise in my eyes, she quickly hid behind Xavier. As always. God, I just wanted to see her alone without the protection of her dog. I clenched my jaw, sensing my boiling anger but then forced myself to calm down. I wante
“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.” Never in my life did I believe there would be a day when a quote from a comic would relate so closely to me. But recently, I started feeling that the bad days in my life are far more than the good. I was so tired of fighting to keep my sanity. To fight to stay afloat of the sea of misery that was pulling me to its depths with every passing day. I didn’t think I had more strength to swim. I gave up.I looked at the woman kidnapped and wanted to torture me for some unknown reason. Earlier I tied her wrist and ankles with the same rope she tied me before breaking free. My eyes found hers, and I noticed the slight trembling of her body. Her nostrils flared because of her heavy breathing, probably caused by her fear. Yes. It wasn’t funny to be let at the mercy of other people. But I was curious. Did I also look that pathetic
When I was left alone, I used the time to go to the bathroom and pull the lid of the toilet bowl. There I sat in for a while, not thinking about anything. I watched the white door blinking and not letting any thought or emotion in my head. For the first time in a while, I felt some semblance of peace. Why was my life like that? In the beginning, I blamed Leonardo and Bianca. But now? After this hallucination, I didn’t know what to think. Was what I saw something created by my stressed subconsciousness? It was possible, but it couldn’t explain the familiarity I felt. I had that feeling of being aware of it at some point but forgetting about it.However, I couldn’t accept the other option. I wasn’t strong enough mentally to do it at this point. So, for now, I would just bury my head in the sand and believe it was a bad dream caused by the constant stress I lived in. I went to wash my hands, and while doing so, the door opened, and another woman came in.
The door opened to a spacious hall bearing an ancient ambience. I blinked confusedly, wondering what was happening. Many people were inside wearing traditional Chinese clothes, their gazes pointing expectantly at the place where I was standing. Just a moment ago, the make–up artist was preparing me for the interview, and now suddenly, I was on some set for an ancient drama tv-series together with many other unknown people. I must be dreaming. But, normally, people didn’t realise they were dreaming while I was keenly aware that what I see wasn’t real. Then my body started moving on its own accord, making everything even more surreal. My back was as straight as an arrow, my head held high and my breathing steady. But deep inside, I was feeling anxious. Why was I moving without wanting it? I felt like a marionette. I tried to move my head around and better look at the environment, but it was impossible. The only thing I could see was the red hem of my clothes and t