CHAPTER ONE

LEONA'S POV

I sat across from the pavement, looking into the distant forest over the fence. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts—ones I wanted to have and ones I didn’t.

What had I done?! It was supposed to be a secret, something that should never come out, my feelings for Maddy should never be known.

Maddy was my best friend, she was tall, fiesty and absolutely outgoing. She had beautiful green eyes with auburn hair that defied the laws of gravity.

She was curvy and endowed in the best places possible. But she was also the love of my life.

God, even thinking about it made me want to laugh at myself.

Because it wasn't like in the movies. There was no grand moment, no dramatic realization with a swelling soundtrack.

It was just Maddy being Maddy and me being absolutely powerless against it.

It was the way she'd show up at my door unannounced with food because she "had a feeling" I hadn't eaten. The way she'd grab my face with both hands when she was making a point, completely unbothered by how close she was getting.

The way she fought for me harder than I ever fought for myself, it was like my happiness was personal to her.

Like I mattered to her deeply..

Nobody had ever made me feel like I mattered before Maddy.

And somewhere between all of that, between the late nights and the stupid jokes and her laughing so hard she couldn't breathe, I had gone and fallen completely in love with my best friend.

The most beautiful, most oblivious woman on the planet.

She had no idea. She never had any idea and I intended to keep it that way.

So I stayed around whenever I saw her hanging around other guys who took her for granted.

I kept silent when she would get dressed in the most slutty outfit to see her boyfriend, and of course I was her shoulder to cry on whenever she got her heart broken.

And at times like that I just wished she’d let me love her, let me wipe away her tears with my kisses, make her forget all her worries.

Which I ended up doing. But in the totally wrong way.

Maddy called me that evening between tears, crying like the world was about to end, which for her it was.

“Loe. He…he...” She cried, sniffing her nose.

I sat up straight. “Hey, hey. What happened love. Talk to me.”

She sobbed again. “He broke up with me. Again.”

Reynolds. Reynolds again.

I closed my eyes for a minute and exhaled. “Where are you now?” I asked, already standing up to grab my shoes.

“Home. I just—” She began, “Can you come?”

“I’m already on my way.” I said grabbing my car keys and walking out the door.

Maddy's front door was unlocked, which meant she'd been too wrecked to even think about locking it.

I let myself in and took the stairs two at a time. I pushed her bedroom door open and stopped dead in my tracks.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed in nothing but a lace top and a thong, tissues everywhere, with a trashcan in front of her.

God.

She was a complete mess.

She was also the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life and that was a problem I had been living with since the day I fell for her.

"You came quickly." She sniffled, looking up at me with puffy red eyes.

"You called." I said simply.

It took everything in me not to walk over, cup her face and crash my lips onto hers.

But I made myself look away. Dropped my bag near the door and crossed the room to sit beside her, keeping my eyes forward.

"He had the nerve to break up with me right after I caught him cheating." She let out a disbelieving laugh. "Like, he cheated and then broke up with me. Who does that?"

A narcissist. A piece of garbage. Someone who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as you.

"He's a jerk." I said instead, rubbing her shoulder. "He's always been one. You know that."

"I know." She dropped her head against my shoulder and I felt her exhale slowly. "I hate that I keep going back."

I said nothing. But deep down I was going to kill that ass hole for cheating on her.

“I’m never falling in love again. I’m done with all of it.” She said.

Well, it wasn’t the first time I had heard these words from her, so I knew she’d still do it again.

I also knew that the part of me that wanted her to mean them was exactly the part of me I needed to keep locked away.

"Let me make you hot chocolate." I stood up before she could say anything. "It'll help."

She nodded and I walked out before I did something stupid.

I looked around and somehow imagined a life with her here, us running around and playing like teenagers, me eating her out on the kitchen island.

I shook my head and went ahead to make the hot chocolate, a few minutes had passed when I finally finished and headed upstairs.

I pushed the door open and froze.

She was standing in the middle of the room completely naked and covered in tiny water droplets from a shower I hadn’t even heard her take.

She turned and smiled at me. “You were taking a while so I decided to take a shower. I feel a little better now.”

I stared at her for an entire damn minute, taking in every inch of her body.

I was going to combust. I was actually going to combust and they would find my remains in this apartment and no one would understand why.

“Loe, are you good?” She said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I smiled awkwardly, nodding at her. “Yeah.” My voice managed to somehow sound normal. “That’s good. That’s good.”

I walked to the side table, dropped both cups on it, then sat on the bed. My eyes were still fixated on her body and I hated that she noticed it. 

“Sooo…do you want to do something, like maybe later. Or, Uhmm, should we watch a movie or something. I mean, I’m just saying.” I said, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

“Yeah why not, It’s not like Reynolds cares anyway. He dumped me and doesn’t even give a shit, so why should I.” She replied, rubbing her hair with the towel.

I knew she was still hurt from the breakup and would cry later.

But the least I could do now that she felt better was keep it up and make the best of it. Or…fuck her till she couldn’t remember why she was crying.

I grabbed my laptop from my bag and downloaded the newest season of Euphoria. After that I placed it on the bed, took off my socks and got on the bed, gesturing at Maddy to join me.

By this time, she had finished drying off and was dressed in a simple polka dot nightwear. But that didn’t erase the naked image of her that had already been etched into my mind.

She quickly joined me in bed, sipping her hot cup of chocolate. I grabbed mine and we watched the episodes in silence, while I kept stealing glances at her.

For a while we stayed like that, until a hilarious scene came up and Maddy laughed so hard she spilled her cup of tea all over herself.

“Shit.” She cursed. “I can be such a klutz.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, love.” I said and quickly grabbed a pair of tissues to help her wipe it off.

The liquid had caused the outline of her boobs to show, and I couldn’t help but stare at them. When I looked up at her, she was staring at me and I immediately noticed that the distance between our faces was barely inches.

“Fuck it.” I whispered and grabbed her by the neck, crashing my lips onto hers.

She remained still for a minute and then kissed me back. Yes. Fuck yes. Her lips tasted like hot chocolate and strawberries, I just couldn’t get enough of her.

I tilted her head backwards and slid my tongue into her mouth, dominating her lips entirely. She gasped for air so I let her go for a second, before taking a hold of her lips again, giving her no time to speak or think.

I slid my fingers between her night shorts, and fuck she was wet. Like dripping wet. Was all this for me? Did she also share the same feelings I did?

I thought no further and slid a finger into her wet pussy, fingering her slowly, while still locking her lips in the kiss.

She moaned into my mouth, grinding her hips on my fingers. She was enjoying it! I slid one more finger inside her, working my way around her pussy while rubbing her clit. She moaned even louder and bit on my lip.

This was a green light for me. I let go of her neck and slid my hand under her top, grabbing one boob and fondling it gently. I moved further to pinch and rub her nipple, quickly turning it hard.

I eventually let go of her lips and moved down to work on her nipples with my tongue. I kissed both nipples and took one into my mouth, sucking on it slowly.

“Fuck.” She mumbled.