Chapter 6

Erin’s POV

I felt sick as Dr. Sasha walked through the door, pushing the machine into my room, a smile plastered across her face.

Dr. Sasha had called this morning, changing my appointment to a home visit, which couldn’t be good.

If Carlos hadn’t been sitting next to me, holding my hand, I would have got up and run away.

Yesterday, I had been desperate for answers.

Today, I was terrified of getting them.

Carlos and the doctor started talking around me, but their voices sounded far away. My eyes went straight to the screen.

Goddess, please give me something.

Dr. Sasha pressed the probe to my stomach.

I held my breath.

The screen flickered, grey shapes shifting until our pup came into view.

I bit down on the sides of my cheek. Even I could tell nothing had changed.

I looked away, tears burning behind my eyes.

It had only been a day; of course he hadn’t grown.

Dr. Sasha sighed. “I’m sorry.”

The room began to spin.

“He’s only the size of a pup, just a month’s gestation.”

No.

No, no.

“Check again,” I demanded, grabbing for the probe. My mind refused to accept what she was saying.

Dr. Sasha caught my hand gently. “Luna…”

“Please.” My voice broke. “Maybe you measured wrong. Maybe the machine is wrong. Just check him again.”

Tears spilt down my cheeks before I could stop them.

“He can’t be two months behind.” I shook my head hard. “I’ve done everything you told me to do. I eat even when I feel sick. I walk every day. Carlos cooks for me. I take everything I’m supposed to take.”

My chest hurt so badly I could barely drag air into my lungs.

“So check again.”

Dr. Sasha’s eyes softened.

I didn’t want pity.

I wanted her to tell me my baby was okay.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I was three months... three months today. I should be getting ready to meet my baby.

Carlos’s hand came down on my shoulder.

I had to calm myself; I had to get the answers I needed.

“Am I going to lose him?” The words rushed from my mouth before I could stop them. Every breath was still coming in too fast.

Carlos froze.

Dr. Sasha looked into my eyes. “His development is severely delayed, but his heartbeat is still very strong.”

His heart was strong.

A sob caught in my throat.

“Am I going to lose him?” I asked again, louder this time.

Dr. Sasha shook her head. “I’m not seeing any signs that you’re going to miscarry.”

“But you don’t know why he isn’t growing.”

“No.”

“How can he be healthy if he isn’t growing?”

“I know this is frightening…”

“No, you don’t.” My voice cracked as another sob tore out of me. “That’s my baby.”

I pressed both hands over my stomach like I could somehow protect him from whatever was happening inside me.

“He’s right here, and I can’t even help him.”

Dr. Sasha took a slow breath. “Luna, I’m putting you on complete bed rest from today.”

I stared at her.

“No exercise. Nothing strenuous. I want you resting as much as possible. Continue eating nutritious meals, make sure you’re getting enough protein and…”

“I’ve done all that.” My voice came out loud. “I’ve been doing that.”

“I know, Luna, but…”

“No, you keep telling me the same thing.” My breathing started getting faster again. “Eat more. Exercise. Rest. Eat better. I did all of it.”

Carlos touched my arm. “Erin.”

I pulled away.

“And yesterday you told me to keep exercising. Now you’re telling me not to move at all.”

Dr. Sasha’s face pulled together. “Because I have more information today…”

“What information?” Tears poured down my face. “You don’t even know what’s wrong with him!”

“Erin, please…”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

The room went silent.

But I couldn’t stop.

My thoughts were crashing into each other too quickly.

“What if you missed something? What if there’s something wrong and you just can’t find it?” I grabbed my stomach again. “What if I go home and lie in bed like you’re telling me to and he gets worse?”

“Luna…”

“What am I supposed to do?” I sobbed. “Just wait?”

Carlos moved in front of me. “Erin, please. You need to calm down.”

“I can’t just wait, Carlos. That’s our baby. He should be almost ready to be born soon, and he’s... he’s still…”

I couldn’t finish.

The sound that came out of me didn’t even feel human.

I fell into Carlos, my body shaking uncontrollably.

I couldn’t breathe.

Carlos pulled me against his chest as I completely fell apart.

Everything inside me had gone numb except the pain.

My baby.

Three months.

But only one month developed.

The words kept circling through my head until they stopped sounding real.

I cried into Carlos’s chest, my fingers twisted in his shirt while my whole body shook.

I heard Dr. Sasha speaking somewhere behind him. Her voice sounded far away. “I’m going to give you something for her.”

Carlos moved but didn’t let go of me.

“Something mild to help her sleep. She needs rest more than anything right now.”

Sleep.

How was I supposed to sleep?

How was I supposed to close my eyes when my baby was inside me and nobody could tell me what was wrong with him?

“I’m sorry, Alpha,” Dr. Sasha said. “I wish I had better news.”

I heard her leave, but I didn’t bother to look up. My mind was too consumed with questions.

What if he stops growing completely?

What if tomorrow his heart isn’t strong anymore?

No.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

No.

I couldn’t think that.

I couldn’t.

“Erin.” Carlos’s voice broke through.

I lifted my head slightly. His face blurred through my tears.

“You need to take these.” He held out two pills.

I stared at them through blurry eyes.

“I don’t want to sleep.”

“I know.” Carlos crouched in front of me. “But your body needs rest, Erin. The baby needs you to rest.”

I took the tablets from his hand and swallowed them with the water he handed me.

Carlos helped me lie back. I curled onto my side, wrapping both arms around my stomach.

Fresh tears slipped down my face.

Carlos climbed onto the bed beside me and pulled me against his chest.

“I’m scared,” I whispered.

His hand moved slowly through my hair.

“I know.”

“What if something happens to him?”

Carlos was quiet for a second before turning me towards him.

His eyes held mine.

“I promise you we’re going to get through this.”

I wanted to believe him.

Carlos placed his hand gently over my stomach. A small kick pressed against his palm.

We both froze.

Carlos smiled.

“See?” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Even he agrees.”

A broken laugh slipped through my tears.

My eyes were already becoming heavy from the tablets.

Carlos kept stroking my hair while I cried quietly against his chest. Eventually, the fear blurred around the edges, and the last thing I felt was his hand resting protectively over our baby before sleep finally pulled me under.

I woke up from an uneasy dream at midnight.

“Carlos…” I mumbled in my sleep. My hand reached out to him. My fingers brushed over cold sheets. I opened my eyes, staring at the empty space beside me.

Carlos wasn’t there.

I reached out again, like somehow I had missed him the first time.

I pushed the blankets away and went to find Carlos.

But what happened next made me wonder if waking up had been the best thing that could have happened to me... or the worst.