Chapter 5

Erin’s POV

For the next few weeks, I did exactly what Dr. Sasha told me to do.

I changed everything I ate, checking every meal twice to make sure I was getting enough protein, vitamins, and anything else that could help our pup grow.

Carlos kept his promise too.

He actually cooked.

Not well at first.

The first meal was so salty I nearly spat it back onto the plate, and the look on his face when he tasted his own food made me laugh until my stomach hurt.

But he kept trying.

And somehow, between his terrible cooking, our evening walks, and the pregnancy books that seemed to be appearing in every room of the house, things between us kept getting better.

Sometimes I almost forgot how close I had been to walking away from him.

Almost.

The worry about our baby never disappeared, though.

Every morning, my hand went straight to my stomach before I was even fully awake.

Was he growing?

Was I eating enough?

Was there something else I should be doing?

‘He’s strong.’ Blue tried to calm me as she felt my thoughts spiralling.

‘I know.’

But I didn’t know.

Not really.

I only knew what Dr. Sasha had told me. I had spent weeks convincing myself we would walk into her office and she would tell us everything had caught up.

“Erin?”

I blinked.

The waiting room came back around me all at once. Carlos was standing in front of me, his eyebrows pulled together.

“Sorry, what?”

“The doctor’s ready for us.”

“Oh.” I stood too quickly, my palms already damp. I wiped them against my dress before Carlos could notice.

His hand slipped into mine.

“Hey.”

I looked at him.

“It’s going to be okay.”

I nodded, but my stomach had already twisted itself into a knot.

I wanted him to be right.

More than anything.

Carlos squeezed my hand, and I followed him down the hallway.

Dr. Sasha was waiting inside the same examination room as before. I felt dizzy as the room seemed to grow smaller around me.

“Alpha. Luna.” She smiled, gesturing towards the bed. “Let’s have another look at your pup.”

I climbed onto the bed and lay back, my heart already beating too fast.

Carlos pulled the chair closer, like he had last time.

My eyes went straight to the screen.

Please.

Please let him have grown.

The screen turned on. I didn’t even feel the cold from the gel or her touching me.

Please.

Please, Moon Goddess.

Dr. Sasha moved the probe slowly across my stomach.

My eyes stayed glued to the screen, trying desperately to work out whether our pup looked bigger than he had last time.

Grey shapes shifted as she moved the probe.

There.

My baby.

He was still there.

Still alive.

His little heart flicked on the screen, and I let out the breath I had been holding. “Is he bigger?” I blurted out.

Dr. Sasha stayed quiet. I wanted to scream at her to answer me, but I bit down on my lip to stop myself. She moved the probe again, checking from another angle before taking a few measurements on the screen.

“Luna, your pup is developmentally delayed. Still.”

My stomach dropped.

“What does that mean?”

“He is growing, but not at the rate I would expect. He’s still much smaller than he should be.”

I stared at the screen.

“But I did everything you told me to do.” My voice sounded small even to me. Tears burned my eyes.

“I changed everything I ate. I’ve been exercising. I’ve been taking care of myself.”

“I know.” Dr. Sasha moved the probe one last time. “And I’ve checked him carefully. I’m not seeing any abnormalities other than his size.”

Carlos leaned forward beside me.

“So there’s nothing physically wrong with him?”

“Nothing I can see.” She shook her head. “His heartbeat is strong. Everything else looks normal.”

I wanted to scream and cry.

“Then why is this happening?”

Dr. Sasha’s face softened as she put the probe down. “I don’t know yet.”

There had to be a reason.

There had to be something we could do.

“Can you give me medicine? Anything that might help?”

“There’s nothing I would prescribe at this stage. Continue with the nutrition and moderate exercise. We’ll monitor his development closely.”

More food.

More exercise.

The same things I had already been doing.

The same things that had failed me.

Dr. Sasha gave me a sympathetic look. “I want to see you again tomorrow afternoon. I’d like to check a few things more closely.”

Carlos nodded before I could answer. “Okay. We’ll be here.”

I pushed myself up. Carlos helped me off the bed.

Nausea rolled through me.

Bile rushed into my mouth.

I ripped my hand from Carlos’s and stumbled towards the bin.

“Erin?”

I barely made it.

I dropped to my knees and threw up, my whole body heaving as tears spilled from my eyes.

Carlos rushed to me, one hand gathering my hair away from my face while the other rubbed slowly over my back.

“It’s going to be okay.”

There was nothing okay about this.

My baby wasn’t growing properly.

No one could tell me why.

And no matter what I did, I couldn’t fix it.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” Dr. Sasha said as she stepped outside, closing the door behind her.

I stayed bent over the bin for a few seconds before wiping my mouth with a shaking hand.

Carlos helped me stand up.

“What have I done so wrong?” I said as I turned to look at him. My body was shaking; whatever control I had thought I had was gone now.

“Erin…”

“What am I doing wrong?” My voice broke. “I’m eating everything they tell me to eat. I’m exercising. I’m resting. I’m doing everything, Carlos, and he’s still not growing.”

Carlos closed the space between us and pulled me into his chest.

I didn’t fight him.

I buried my face against him as the tears flowed from my eyes.

“Nothing,” he whispered into my hair. “You’ve done nothing wrong, my love.”

My fingers twisted into his shirt.

“Then why is this happening?”

“I don’t know.” His arms tightened around me. “But we’re going to get through it. Whatever this is, whatever we need to do, we’ll do it together.”