The Night it All Fell Apart

[Astoria’s POV]

I had always imagined that when my heart breaks, it would be loud, with me being hysterical. I hadn’t imagined it to be draining and some what relieving.

That evening, I was exhausted. Work had taken out every ounce of energy from me, and all I wanted was to return home, change into pajamas, and maybe watch something fluffy with Shawn.

But as I reached our apartment door, a strange heaviness settled in my chest. It wasn’t the fact that I saw a pair of very familiar pumps on the foyer, or that the lights were on which was unusal because Shawn never kept the lights on.

Gloria was sitting on the love seat. She was crying into her hands, her shoulders shaking, while Shawn sat beside her, holding her close.

The closeness wasn’t that of a friend supporting another friend, no…it was a familiar gesture, one that shouldn’t be between these two.

For a moment, I couldn’t move. The sound of the door clicking shut behind me made both their heads turn. It wasn’t my presence, but that sound, which made it all the more jarring.

Shawn froze. Gloria did too... but neither looked particularly surprised, or maybe they were way past that. They both stood up, but didn’t stand away from each other. No, they remained close.

I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. I was aware that maybe Shawn was seeing another woman, but her? I didn’t expect that or…think it was possible.

The late night phone calls diguised as sudden ‘work’ calls, the business trip and…then the familiar perfume when Shawn wanted to keep up the ruse of being a normal couple.

“Ash,” Shawn said calmly as if he was afraid that I would have an outburst.

I was close to one.

“I…we can explain,” Gloria cut in, her voice soft as well, like I was a kid they were trying to placate.

I let out a quiet, shaky breath. “Explain, huh? They way you two were sitting,” I gesture the space between them or the lack of one thereof, “Is self-explanatory, isn’t it?”

Gloria began to cry again, looking remorseful.

Shawn sighed as if all this was a hassle that he would not rather deal with. It was expected as he was someone who didn’t like taking responsibilities.

“Whatever you’re thinking is tight,” he said, his gaze flickering from my face to Gloria.

When I remained silent, he ran a hand through his hair, and added, “This... us. It’s over. It should’ve been over a long time ago.”

“Over…” I echoed, my voice barely above a whisper.

“I…I wanted to tell you a month after we began,” he said gesturing in Gloria’s direction, “But I didn’t know how. You’re a good person, Ash. I…just…we didn’t know how to break this news.”

The way he addressed this as ‘we’ indicating Gloria and him together, was all the more gut-wrenching.

I didn’t hold back my reproach. They had known how I would feel and yet they had gone ahead and started seeing each other. Two of the closest people, or supposedly close people were the ones who betrayed me.

“You didn’t want to ‘hurt’ me, funny how you put it as if I am the problem here. It’s you and her who didn’t have the courage to own up your deed.” I shook my head. “You wasted five years of my life.”

Shawn straightened, coming to stand between me and Gloria as if I would hurt her. The act made me flinch inwardly.

“You’re not... the kind of woman I can see myself with long-term,” he said firmly as if putting his foot down on a matter. “You’re... good-hearted, dependable, but not someone I can introduce to people as my wife. You don’t have that... quality. Gloria does.”

The words made my chest tighten, like someone was squeezing my lungs tightly to cut off air.

“So you chose her,” I mumbled, my gaze flickering to my ex-best friend who remained stanign with her gaze lowered.

Gloria looked up then. “I didn’t mean for it to happen...”

“Of course you didn’t,” I said sharply, my voice trembling despite my best effort to keep it steady. “It was just the situation or someone literally shoved both of you in each other’s arms, so you were so helpless that you had to just sleep with each other, of course.”

My voice had risen an octave by then.

Shawn took a step toward me. “I know it’s difficult. I care for you but not romantically and…Gloria is pregnant.”

The words landed like a heavy weight on my chest. I stared at the pair, shocked.

Pregnant.

Everything inside me went still. The world blurred for a heartbeat... then came rushing back, sharp and unforgiving.

“You’re... you’re having a baby?” My eyes darted towards Gloria, who had yet again averted her eyes.

Gloria looked at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I just found out a week ago. I was…not sure but then Shawn wanted to keep it and we were…”

Her excuses sounded so flimsy, both hers and his, that for a moment I wanted to laugh.

I nodded slowly, like everything made sense to me when nothing did. “Right. Of course. How considerate of him.”

I let out a breath, hoping the tightness in my chest would ease. But it didn’t.

“You should probably start packing,” Shawn said, his voice clipped, as if he were talking to a tenant moving out. “Gloria’s going to stay here with me. And we have only one room.”

For a moment, I couldn’t speak. I just stared at him... the man I had shared 5 years with was now asking me to pack my bags so my best friend could move in. No, so his new girlfriend and the mother of his unborn child could move in.

“No, Shawn. She just came back from work, maybe later—” Gloria tried to interject, tried to show as if she was being the bigger person. And wasn’t that exactly what she always did? Tried to portray herself as the selfless person that everyone loved.

The hypocrisy was hilarious.

“Not required, I’ll get out of your hair,” I said and went to our bedroom.

The zipper on my suitcase sounded far too loud in the silence. I packed as if I was on autopilot mode... jeans, tops, the mug I loved, the framed photo of my mom and me. I didn’t let myself think too much, because if I did, I would be inconsolable.

I couldn’t give them that satisfaction.

When I was done, I dragged the suitcase out to the living room. Neither of them looked at me I didn’t want them to.

“I’ll send my share of the rent soon,” I said as I slipped on my shoes once again, still in my work clothes.

He nodded absently, not looking up from his phone. “That’s fine.”

But I saw Gloria look at me before turning her face away as if shame was even worthy for the crime she committed.

I wanted to laugh, or to throw something at them... but all I managed was a small smile. “You don’t have to manganmious. You don’t have lot of a money to begin with.”

He opened his mouth, now looking affronted, but I beat him to it. “I hope she’s worth it.”

Then I walked out.

The hallway felt endless.

When the doors opened to the street below, the cold hit me like a wall.

I didn’t know where to go.

Dad was out of the question. He had remarried a year after divorcing Mom, cutting all contact with us.

Mom... well, we hadn’t been on good terms for a while either. I hadn’t spoken to her in months.

Suddenly, I realised that I had no one to turn to, nowehere to take shelter. I didn’t make friends easily. The only one I had betrayed me.

Since I turned eighteen, I had lived on my own. Worked and paid for everything I owned or needed.

I was proud of that. But now, sitting on a bench outside our building, my suitcase beside me, that pride felt meaningless.

People hurried past talking and some laughing or smiling. I was envious of strangers at the moment.

I sat there, staring at the pavement, my thoughts a blur of pain and disbelief. I could go to a motel and stay there until I found somewhere to live.

I tried to hold the tears in, but they came anyway. Quiet at first, then harder, until I was shaking. I buried my face in my hands, wishing the ground would just swallow me whole, uncaring that strangers might stare.

My situation didn’t give me the luxury to cry privately.

I didn’t even notice someone stop in front of me until I heard someone clear their throat, and when I lowered my hands, and looked up, the person was standing holding out a steaming cup of coffee.

The man was tall and broad-shouldered, wearing a dark coat that framed his face. His eyes were warm and blue... and for some reason, the way he looked at me made my heart stutter.

He smiled slightly, the kind of smile that wasn’t forced. “Are you Astoria Hill?”

I stared at him, my fingers still trembling. “Y-yes… how do you know my name?”

“Because I’ve been looking for you.”