LOGINMaddie “Where are we going?”“Nowhere in particular."“Do you want to go somewhere?” I thought for a while about any place having fun, but I shook my head."No."“Ok, we can grab something at the shop ahead."I nod; the street smells differently. Love in the air. Restaurants and shops have taken their time to do a little decoration with red and white ribbons with flickers and love images.Couples walk hand in hand, whispering to each other. I enjoyed the scene and I love it. They were young and old in the streets.Carlson stops the car right in front of a shopping mob.“Do you want anything I need to grab?”He asked after he got off his seat belt.“Umh…nothing really." But seriously, I don't need anything; having him by my side is enough already.I walk out, and I admire his features, the way he walks, the way he is so picture-perfect.Why am I singing praises to him like he never hurt me before?What if he does it again? How am I going to know it is just a prank?Probably we should
Maddie What could possibly be the worst thing that can happen?I asked myself over and over again. My ego is bruised. Being humiliated in front of everyone and finding myself on live videos.I could possibly call that the most embarrassing day of my life, but there are more days worse than that.So what could possibly be the worst thing that can happen if I accept this invitation?Even though I know I have to swallow my pride, my ego, which has formed with time.My fingers are tapping on my lap, biting down on my lower lip while Carlson applies body lotion on my back.If I could possibly stand up from here, he would notice how wet I am.My towel is doing the good job of soaking it all up for the meantime, but my core clenches more, and I know I might not survive this not having Carlson always around.I might not have the privacy to release myself after I have destroyed my room.“Maddie, I'm done. Let me get your food while you dress up."I stared at him so helplessly with pretty eye
Maddie Carlson stands and then leaves.I panicked. He promised he wasn't going to leave. Did I say anything wrong? I thought for a second. The thought of being alone scares me, often—not often lately.I have always had those weird thoughts. I'm an Icelander. I hardly have friends, nor do I have one at home except for Jamie, so the little affection he shows to me feels like love and a world to me.I will say I was stupid and vulnerable for believing all his lies; he was a friend I could talk to. We shared the same window that happened to face each other, so every night after my father had tucked me into bed.I patiently wait at the window for him; sometimes he never shows up, and I feel so sad that night, but whenever he shows up, then I have someone who is willing to listen to my rant.We were super duper close, and that built up a feeling I never expected.But this one right now feels different. It feels I'm safe. It feels I'm with the right one. I don't have to act in a certain
Maddie Sometimes the pain we feel feels like it's about to consume us.The grief.The heaviness of our chest and the sadness.Sometimes I want to wake up normally without so much pain. This is the reality. Everything dearest to my heart has a way of hurting me, and the people closest to me make it even worse.The pain when it surfaced again. Acting like it wasn't there and won't be there is like lying to myself.Being lied to, especially about part of your existence, is the worst thing that can ever happen to someone.Now I know what to do with the truth: stop loving, confront the person I have loved all my life, or wait patiently for the next that will unfold.Recently my brain has slowly been trained to accept pain. I want to be happy, but I don't know how. Even if Carlson is trying his best to make me cheer up, that doesn't justify my fear.What if he leaves me one day? What if he wakes up one morning and tells me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore? How am I supposed to liv
Maddie Do you know the best feeling? Having someone by your side during tough moments. Those times in life have to measure you and throw you off balance.Last night's kiss means a world to me; it is not the regular kind of kiss, but the kind of kiss that comes with assurance, the promise of "I will always be here for you in every step of the way." That reassuring promise is what is keeping me sane.My lips curled into a smile, a smile of gratitude. A smile that says thank you for always being here for me no matter the tantrums and no matter what happens.I stared at him; the silence of our hearts spoke it all. His hand cradles my face, and it was the best feeling ever. I knelt down and didn't know when I fell asleep.I didn't want to wake up because I don't want to face whatever that is ahead of me. I can't face my mom; she has her reasons for whatever went wrong, but that bad decision gave birth to me, but the problem is her hiding it from me this long.When was she planning to
Carlson Her hand moves underneath my clothes, blushing my chest like a girl who knows what she wants.Not breaking eye contact with me, it feels like we see each other now. It feels like she is staring deeply into my soul.I see vulnerability.I see a girl who wants to run from her pains.I see a girl who wants to forget her pains.She wasn't ready yet, not one she would blame me for. I want our first to not be an escape from pain.I don't want her to wake up the next morning regretting everything or telling me to my face that it means nothing.It's nothing; it's so easy to say, and that will come with a perpetual pain and rejection I didn't budget for, so instead I grip her hand to a stop.Turning her over before she can even say a word. I'm on top of her, and her breast is so perky.I could see her standing nibbles underneath her nightie begging to be fuddled and sucked.It's so tempting that I lick my bottom lip. I want her so badly. I admit to that, but not this way.Not a night d







