Chapter 17: A crack

SERA

I woke slowly, my body heavy and aching. For a moment, I didn't know where I was or what had happened.

Then it all came rushing back, the clinic, Cassandra touching me, my power exploding, throwing her across the room.

I sat upright with a gasp, and pain flared through my shoulder.

"Easy," a familiar voice said.

I turned to find Kade sitting in the chair beside my bed. His hair was messy like he'd been running his hands through it, his shirt wrinkled, had he been here all night?

"What.." My voice came out hoarse. "What time is it?"

"Morning, you've been asleep for about twelve hours."

Twelve hours? I looked down at my hands, half expecting them to still be glowing silver. They looked normal, but I could feel the power underneath, coiled and waiting.

"Cassandra," I said. "Is she?.."

"She's fine, bruised, angry, but fine." Kade leaned forward, his eyes studying my face. "How do you feel?"

"Tired, ashamed," I couldn't meet his gaze. "I lost control, I hurt someone."

"She touched you first after deliberately injuring you days ago, your power reacted defensively."

"That doesn't make it okay," I said quietly. I should have been able to control it.

"You were exhausted, emotionally drained, and she triggered you. That's on her, not you."

I shook my head, still not looking at him. "You don't understand, I'm dangerous, Cassandra was right about.."

"Don't." His voice was sharp enough to make me look up, Don't finish that sentence.

"But"

"Sera." He stood, moving closer to the bed, "We need to talk, really talk, like no more walls. I need to know what's been going on with you."

My chest tightened, "I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do." He sat on the edge of the bed, close enough that I could feel the warmth from his body. Something changed, you went from challenging me, arguing with me, being present, to acting like a soldier following orders, like you don't care about anything except training.

"I'm just focusing on what's important"

"Stop." His hand caught mine gently, stopping my automatic deflection. "Please, just talk to me, tell me what happened."

The touch, the gentleness in his voice, the genuine concern in his eyes, it all broke through my carefully maintained walls.

"Cassandra told me the truth about what I am to you," I whispered.

Kade went very still, "What truth?"

"That I'm just a weapon, a tool you're sharpening to use against the Council." The words came faster now, spilling out of my mouth, that the only reason you protect me, train me, keep me safe is because I'm useful and when I'm not useful anymore, when I become more trouble than I'm worth, you'll throw me away just like..

My voice broke, I couldn't say it, couldn't admit that I'd started to care, started to hope for something more, only to have Cassandra show me how stupid I was being.

"Just like Thorne did," Kade finished, his voice rough.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"And you believed her?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I pulled my hand away, wrapping my arms around myself. "It makes sense, you brought me here for my power, you're training me to fight. That's what this is."

Silence fell between us. When I finally looked up, Kade's expression was unreadable, his jaw tight.

"Is that really what you think?" His voice was quiet, controlled. "That you're just a weapon to me?"

"Aren't I?"

He stood abruptly, and I flinched but he wasn't angry at me. He was pacing, his hands clenched into fists, his eyes flashing gold.

"That woman," he said, his voice barely controlled. "She got into your head, made you doubt yourself, made you think.." he stopped, his jaw working.

"Made me think what?"

He turned to face me, and I saw something raw in his expression before he locked it away. "Made you think you don't matter."

"Do I?" The question came out smaller than I intended. "Matter, I mean, beyond what I can do for you?"

Kade was silent for a long moment, when he spoke, his voice was rough. "You think I sit beside someone's bed all night for a weapon? You think I'm losing sleep worrying about a tool?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "I don't know what to think anymore."

He moved back to the bed, sitting closer this time. "I'm not good at this," he said finally, at talking about... feelings. I had a mate once, she's gone and I told myself I wouldn't.." He stopped, his jaw clenching. "But you're not just your power, Sera, you're not just useful, you…"

He seemed to struggle with the words, like they were being pulled from somewhere deep. "You matter to me, I don't know what that means yet, i don't know what this is between us but I know that watching you pull away, seeing you hurt, knowing someone made you feel worthless, it's been driving me insane."

My heart was pounding. "Kade"

"I care about you," he said, the words seeming hard for him. Not just about keeping you alive for the fight, about you being okay, about you not hating yourself, about.." He stopped, looking frustrated with his inability to articulate what he meant.

"I was scared," I whispered. "Scared to care, scared to hope for something when I thought it would just hurt more when.."

"When I what? Used you and threw you away?" His hand reached out, hesitating, then cupped my face gently. "I'm not Thorne. Whatever this is, whatever we are, I'm not going to.." He seemed to struggle again. "I don't know what I can promise you, I don't know if I can be what you need but I know I'm not using you."

The honesty in his voice, the vulnerability he was clearly uncomfortable showing, it broke something inside me.

"I don't know what this is either," I admitted, but I've been miserable without.." I gestured vaguely between us. "Without this, whatever this is."

His thumb brushed my cheek. "Then stop running from it."

"I'm scared," I whispered.

"So am I," he said, and the admission seemed to surprise him as much as it surprised me.

We stared at each other, the air between us thick with tension and unspoken words. His hand was still on my face, warm and steady, my heart was racing.

Then he kissed me.

It wasn't gentle, It was desperate, like he'd been holding back for too long and finally broke. His lips were demanding, his hand sliding into my hair.

For a moment, I froze, shocked, overwhelmed. Then I kissed him back, my good hand fisting in his shirt, pulling him closer.

He made a sound low in his throat, his arm wrapping around my waist, careful of my injured shoulder. The kiss deepened, hungry and intense, full of all the tension and denial that had been building between us.

When we finally broke apart, we were both breathing hard, his forehead resting against mine, his eyes still closed, like he was trying to process what just happened.

"That was.." I started.

"Complicated," he finished, his voice rough.

"Yeah."

He pulled back slightly, though his hand stayed on my face. His expression was conflicted, want and uncertainty warring in his eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing here."

"Me neither," I admitted.

"But I know I'm done watching you suffer because of lies someone told you."

A sharp knock at the door made us both jump.

"Kade," Marcus's voice called. "Sorry to interrupt, but we have a situation."

Kade's jaw clenched, he pulled back, his hand trailing down my arm before letting go. "What kind of situation?"

"Someone's at the gates asking for Sera," Marcus said. "Says her name is Maya, claims to be her best friend."

Maya, my best friend from Silvermoon Pack, the one who'd been there when Thorne rejected me. What was she doing here?

Kade stood, running a hand through his hair. He looked at me, his expression still conflicted but also determined. "We'll figure this out, whatever this is but first.." His voice hardened. "I'm dealing with Cassandra, she's leaving today. What she did to you, making you believe those things, that's unforgivable."

"Kade.."

"She poisoned you against yourself, against me, that ends now." His eyes flashed gold briefly.

He left, and I sat there on the bed, my fingers touching my lips where he'd kissed me.

He'd kissed me and admitted he cared, even though he clearly didn't know what to do with those feelings, even though he was still protecting himself, still holding back.

But it was something, a crack in his armour, a beginning.

Everything had changed, again.