CHAPTER 2

Chapter 2: Am I really into girls?

Charlotte's POV 

I walked out of the class trying to breathe normally.

Max had just kissed my forehead and told me to meet him outside later and all I could think was: Thank God he didn't suspect anything. 

Yes, he did look at my phone for a solid three minutes but said nothing and just smiled at me.

Because if he saw the app, the notifications.

Oh God! My funeral will be tomorrow.

I hugged my bag tighter and walked faster.

Then I passed their table. Amber sat in the middle like some Queen bee, flipping her shiny hair while two of her friends leaned close to her. They weren’t even whispering quietly; they wanted the whole hallway to hear them.

“Did you guys see that post?” one girl asked. “Apparently so many people in this school are secretly using dating apps.”

My heart dropped straight to my shoes.

“My dear, half of this school is double timing online, using fake names and acting innocent in public, Oh my gosh, seriously?” the other girl gasped.

Amber nodded, sipping her iced coffee

“People would be shocked if they knew who was really behind those profiles”

The girls giggled.

I froze for half a second, not long enough for them to notice but long enough for me to hear my heart beat.

Why did it feel like she was talking about me?

I kept walking, but my legs were shaking. I could feel their eyes on my back or maybe I was just overthinking.

I reached the end of the hallway and breathed out slowly.

Okay, okay, it’s fine.

They’re probably talking about someone else.

But the one thing that wouldn’t leave my brain: what if my secret gets out?

“Why are you staring at the wall like that ?” Maya said.

“I’m not smiling at the wall” I said, trying to figure out when Maya got there.

“I said, staring not smiling you fool”

I rolled my eyes. “Girl, relax.”

But she didn’t.

She kept staring at me like a suspicious bride at a wedding.

We walked down the hallway and people kept greeting me the usual way.

I did my usual fake smile because apparently, people in this school decided I must be the unofficial girl everyone wants to be. There’s nothing that special about me, to be honest, except maybe my ability to walk into a life crisis. 

Maya kept giving side eyes at Max outside the classroom.

She literally hissed under her breath.

“What?” I whispered.

“Nothing,” she muttered but her voice was doing that angry trembling thing.

Maya has been acting strange ever since Max and I started dating.

Like she swallowed pepper and refused to drink water.

But I ignored it, I was too busy thinking about my life problems.

School dragged on, teachers talked and talked, I nodded and nodded, but my brain? Somewhere else. 

Max texted :

 “Lunch together?”

I texted back “Sure.”

But there was no spark, no excitement.

Just bleh!

Maybe because I kept replaying Sophie’s voice in my head, okay fine, not her voice because I don’t even know what she sounds like, just the messages.

The way she talks to me, the way she makes me feel like someone actually understands me.

But I wasn’t going to say that out loud.

I wasn’t even ready to say it in my own brain properly.

At lunch, Maya sat beside me but didn’t talk much. She kept poking her food like she was punishing it.

“You good?” I asked.

“Yep.”

That was obviously a lie, a big fat one.

 Max was laughing with his friends and barely looking at me.

He suddenly leaned toward me and whispered,

“Come over later?”

“For what?”

To watch him play video games or have sex for the hundredth time this month.

“I don't think I can but I'll try ” I shrugged

He didn’t even notice the tone of my voice.

He just nodded like “cool whatever.”

Honestly? It felt like he only remembered I existed if he wanted to do something.

My phone buzzed and I jumped with excitement, a message from Sophie_wtf

 I hid my screen immediately and Maya narrowed her eyes.

“Who are you texting?”

“Relax,” I said quickly. “It’s just someone.”

“Someone?” she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged and stuffed the phone deeper into my pocket.

I couldn’t tell her I’d been texting an online girl who made me feel weird things,I couldn’ t even tell myself that properly.

After school, I went home and my mum was already waiting in the living room with her bible open.

“Charlotte, come sit,” she said gently.

I sighed but obeyed.

She looked at me the way she always does,like she can see every thought, I’m trying to hide.

“You've been quiet lately,” She said.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

“You know God cares about you,” she added,“ You can talk to me anytime.”

I nodded, but inside I felt this small ache,because If she knew how confused I felt,how not straight I might be and how Max made me do things a normal Christian teen won't do. She'll probably ship me to hell fire.

I swallowed hard and excused myself quickly.The moment my bedroom door shut, I dove for my phone.

Two messages.

Sophie_wtf:

“Hey chaotic girl,talk to me, I'm bored.”

“I asked you something serious last night, you ghosted me lol.”

My heart jumped , Oh God! Oh no!

I opened the chat.

Me: “Sorry I slept early, but you have me all through the night so let's talk”

Her reply came in instantly 

“ Yesss took you long enough, I gotta ask you something kind of weird,”

 Uh oh… now I’m scared,

Then came the message that made my knees go weak for a second:

“Are you like lesb….? ”

I stared at my screen, Wait what? Does she mean lesbian? Does she like me too?

“Oh my gashhh, I didn’t mean it like that! I swear!” Sophie added, almost immediately.

“lol no ,it’s fine uh well do you mean lesbian?”I texted back trying to hide the fact I was blushing.

There was a pause before Sophie’s next message:

“Yes but I swear, I don't know why I typed that I think I'm overstimulated and I kind of like you, I know we don’t know each other in real life but that’s kind of a good thing because my life is actually really messy”.

My heart was beating uncontrollably fast “She likes me? I feel that way too”

“And on this app you’re chill and I can be myself and you don’t judge me and I should probably just shut up now and wait for you to reply because I'm talking too much” Sophie continued.

“ No ,don't shut up, I think I like you too” I texted back with shaking hands.

“So would you be my girlfriend maybe, that's if you're cool with it” she added a crying emoji at the back.

I was literally biting my lips while reading her messages, like I know I'll regret all my decisions later but I guess I love making bad decisions.

“Yeas babe, I'll be your girlfriend ”I took a deep breath.

Sophie’s response came immediately, “ See we're already coupling”

 I felt an ache in my heart and I immediately remembered Max and my mummy,what would they think if they ever found out ? This is insane and literally amazing at the same time.

“Ohh also, I'm being transferred to a new school”

 Her typing bubble then appeared, disappeared, came back and disappeared again.

And finally, she sent a message .

“And the school’s name is Bridge something”

“Do you know it?”

My heart stopped working,Oh God!

 please don't let her be talking about my school, I reread the messages over and over again and I wanted to reply, when she texted back 

“Oh wait it's bridgehall academy”