Chapter 4

Back at Grandma's, I gathered every toy I'd ever received and gave them to the kids in town whose parents worked far away.

Poppy stared at me in disbelief. "Mara, aren't those the toys your mom bought you? You used to treasure them!"

I pressed three into her hands, too. "I don't treasure them anymore.

"I don't want them."

Life went on. I helped Grandma feed the chickens, cook dinner, and mix feed for the animals.

The busier I stayed, the less my chest seemed to hurt.

One afternoon after school, I heard several people talking in Grandma's yard.

My uncle and aunt were visiting.

Their son, my older cousin Finn, had come home for summer break and drowned while swimming. They had spent most of the past two months back home.

Grandma sounded worried. "Rachel, I thought you'd arranged to take in that child from your brother's family. What happened?"

Aunt Rachel sighed. "Everything was settled, but the parents couldn't bear to part with their child. They've changed their minds."

Uncle Graham sighed, too. "We can't force anyone. Every child is precious to their parents."

I thought, Not every child.

After a pause, Aunt Rachel spoke again. "Mom, what about Judith's family? Could we take in one of the girls?"

My hand froze on the gate.

"She's got two daughters," Aunt Rachel went on. "Mara's almost finished elementary school, and she's old enough to have her own opinions. She probably wouldn't agree. But the younger one... maybe?"

Grandma rejected the idea immediately. "Don't even think about Maisie. Judith and Daniel adore that little girl. They'll never let her go."

Aunt Rachel fell quiet.

After thinking it over, Grandma added, "Mara doesn't talk much, but she's always thinking about her parents. She wouldn't agree to leave them, either."

Uncle Graham's voice was hoarse. "Forget it. We'll work something else out.

"Maybe Rachel and I just weren't meant to have children to raise."

Before they came outside, I slipped away.

I walked along the narrow dirt paths between the fields, wondering what would happen if Uncle Graham and Aunt Rachel asked my parents about taking me.

Would Mom and Dad offer me up?

Probably.

Then Maisie would truly be their only daughter. They would never have to worry about another child showing up in the city and disrupting their perfect little family.

The next morning, before sunrise, Aunt Rachel came by again.

Half asleep, I heard her speaking to Grandma. "Mom, when you get the chance, ask Judith and Daniel to sort out Mara's guardianship papers properly. Otherwise, it could cause problems when she enrolls in school.

"There's no reason for them to keep hiding that they have two girls.

"Once we move, it'll be such a long trip that we might not be back for two or three years. I'd feel better if everything was settled first.

"I'll leave the guardianship papers here with you."

I was wide awake.

As soon as Grandma went out to work in the garden, I got up and searched the drawer where she kept important papers.

Uncle Graham's guardianship papers listed two children.

Finn, the son who had died.

And me.

I held the papers for a long time without moving.

So I really wasn't part of Mom and Dad's household. Not even on paper.

Maisie had insisted she was an only child. That she was Mom's one and only girl.

She hadn't been making it up.

I carefully put the papers back, closed the drawer, and walked down the hill to Uncle Graham's house.

"Uncle Graham. Aunt Rachel. I want you to take me in."

Aunt Rachel opened the door. She stared at me, and her eyes immediately reddened. "Mara? How did you...?"

I gave her a small smile. "My name's already on your guardianship papers. It would be easier for everyone if I came with you."

She reached for my hand. Her fingers were trembling. "If that's what you want, we'd be so happy."

Then she started crying. "The river where Finn died runs halfway across the state. We can't bear to stay anywhere near it. We'll hardly ever come back once we're gone."

She swallowed. "We're moving to Calvera. Do you know where that is? It's a very long way from here."

She studied my face, careful not to push. "Would you really be willing to leave? I promise Graham and I would love you like our own daughter. We'd never love you any less than your parents do."

Could they possibly love me less than I was loved now?

No.

I smiled at her. "I want to go."