Chapter 3: A Strange Woman

Chapter 3

Amber’s POV

Minsan, napapaisip ako kung bakit mahal ko pa rin si Pierre. Siguro tanga lang talaga ako. Maybe I’m a masochist. O baka naman... hindi ko lang talaga alam kung paano tumigil.

Pierre had been honest with me from the very beginning. On our wedding night, he laid everything out in front of me with cold, brutal honesty. Sinabi niyang huwag akong umasa ng kahit ano mula sa kaniya. Not affection, not romance, and certainly not a happy marriage.

Dapat nakinig ako. Dapat iningatan ko ang puso ko bago pa ito tuluyang nahulog sa kaniya. But how could I? I had spent years admiring him from afar.

Back in college, Pierre had been my first love. The kind that made my heart race whenever he walked into a room, made me smile over the smallest interactions, and secretly memorize every little thing about him. Pinsan siya ng matalik kong kaibigan na si Iñigo. He’s three years ahead of us and already in his final year then. I probably would’ve never met him kung hindi ako inimbitahan ni Iñigo sa birthday celebration ng Lolo nila years ago.

Hanggang ngayon ay malinaw pa rin sa alaala ko ang araw na iyon. The moment I first saw him, my heart had stumbled embarrassingly inside my chest. Pierre already looked cold and intimidating back then. He looked serious, quiet, and far too handsome for my poor nineteen-year-old heart to handle. Naalala ko pa kung gaano ako kinabahan nang ipakilala ako ni Iñigo sa kaniya noon. But then Pierre gave me a smile. It wasn’t even a big smile, just a small, polite one. But somehow, it was enough. Just like that, I was done for. Parang may nagsiliparan na paru-paro sa loob ng tiyan ko, and for the rest of the night, I found myself stealing glances at him whenever I could.

I knew he was out of my reach. A man like Pierre would never notice someone like me. Pero kahit alam ko iyon ay hindi ko pa rin napigilang mahulog sakaniya. What started as a harmless crush turned into something deeper, something I never dared to confess. I kept it to myself, tucked safely in the corners of my heart where no one could see. Wala akong pinagsabihan, kahit si Iñigo.

Then somehow, against all odds, I became his wife. Kahit arranged marriage lang iyon, a small, foolish part of me believed it meant something. Sino ba naman kasi ang hindi aasa? Paano ako hindi mangangarap kung mismong tadhana na ang naglapit sa akin at sa lalaking ilang taon kong minahal nang palihim?

Kaya kinumbinsi ko ang sarili ko na baka matutunan niya rin akong mahalin. Na maybe if I was patient enough, if I became someone he could rely on, if I stayed by his side long enough, he would eventually look at me and see me more than just a woman he was forced to marry. At baka balang araw... piliin niya rin ako.

O baka naman... gutom lang talaga ako sa pagmamahal. Desperado akong maramdaman na may nagmamahal sa akin dahil hindi ko naman iyon naranasan habang lumalaki ako. I grew up in a house where being useful mattered more than being loved. Kung saan mas matimbang ang achievements kaysa kaligayahan. Where perfection was expected and mistakes were unforgivable.

My father only saw me as a tool, a bargaining chip he could use to further his ambitions. And my mother... I know she loves me in her own way, but she’s spent so many years being broken and afraid that she never learned how to protect either of us.

And so I spent all my life yearning for affection that never came. For someone to choose me, to want me, and to love me hindi dahil may silbi ako, but simply because I was me.

Kaya siguro ganoon na lang ako kumapit kay Pierre. Because a part of me believed that if he eventually loved me, then maybe... maybe I was worthy of being loved after all.

Maybe his love would fill the empty spaces inside me. Maybe it would heal the little girl who spent years longing for affection she never received. Kaya naghintay ako at patuloy na umasa, even when he gave me no reason to. Because when you’ve spent your entire life starving for love, even the smallest possibility of receiving it becomes impossible to let go of.

The sound of classical music pulled me back to reality. Napakurap ako at iginila ang tingin sa paligid.

I was standing inside one of the most luxurious boutiques in the city. Sa isang bahagi ng boutique ay maayos na nakahanay ang mga mamahaling designer suit, habang sa loob naman ng mga glass display case ay nakalagay ang iba’t-ibang mamahaling relo at accessories.

Marahan akong napabuntong-hininga. I had almost forgotten where I was.

Bukas na kasi ang first anniversary namin ni Pierre and I had been shopping for nearly an hour now, yet I still hadn’t found the perfect gift.

Alam kong hindi normal ang relasyon namin ni Pierre tulad nang sa mga normal na mag-asawa talaga. Arranged marriage lang ang sa amin. Pierre probably didn’t even remember the date, but I still wanted to celebrate. Kahit simpleng dinner lang. Kahit isang gabi lang, I wanted to create at least one happy memory. Something I could keep and could hold on to.

Napadako ang tingin ko sa mga necktie na maayos na nakahilera sa isang estante. Most of them were dark-colored, the kind Pierre usually wore. Hanggang sa may isang necktie na nakakuha ng pansin ko. It was dark navy with subtle silver patterns woven into the fabric. Simple lamang ang disenyo, ngunit elegante at halatang mamahalin. It reminded me of Pierre. I could already picture him wearing it. The image alone made my heart flutter. He would look so handsome.

Kusang sumilay ang isang ngiti sa labi ko. “This one is perfect.”

I gently picked it up... only for another hand to grab it at the same time. Napakurap ako bago mabilis na ingat ang tingin.

The woman standing beside me was beautiful—no. Hindi sapat ang salitang maganda para ilarawan siya. She was stunning. Long dark hair fell elegantly over her shoulders, and she wore a cream-colored dress that looked expensive enough to buy a small car. Her makeup was flawless and her features were delicate and elegant, the kind of beauty that effortlessly turned heads. She looked around my age, o baka mas matanda lang siya nang kaunti.

When our eyes met, she offered me a sweet smile. “Oh dear. Were you going to get this one too?”

Ngumiti rin ako. “Yes, actually.”

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa necktie na pareho naming hawak. “What a coincidence. I wanted this one too.”

I nodded awkwardly. “Ah... ganoon ba.”

Ilang sandali kaming natahimik pareho. Pagkatapos ay muli siyang ngumiti. “Would you mind if I take it instead?”

Napakurap ako. “I’m sorry?”

Mahina siyang natawa. “Gustong-gusto ko kasi ang necktie na ‘to. Balak ko sanang iregalo sa boyfriend ko. I think it would look absolutely perfect on him.”

Muli kong tiningnan ang necktie. Hindi ko napigilang makaramdam ng panghihinayang. I had been searching for the perfect gift for nearly an hour. At ito na sana iyon.

“I’m sorry,” I said gently habang bahagyang hinihigpitan ang pagkakahawak ko rito. “But I wanted it too.”

She tilted her head slightly. May kakaibang ekspresyong dumaan sa mukha niya, ngunit agad din iyong naglaho.

“I see.” Then ngumiti siya uli. “You must really like the person you’re buying it for.”

I smiled a little. “I do.”

Nanatili ang tingin niya sa akin. “Your boyfriend?”

My fingers unconsciously touched my wedding ring. “My husband.”

May kung anong kumislap sa mga mata niya. It was so quick that I almost missed it. “Oh… husband.” There was something odd about the way she said it. Almost as if the word itself amused her.

Tumango nalang ako at ipagsawalang-bahala iyon. “Yes. Bukas na kasi ang anniversary namin so I wanted to give him this tie as a gift.”

Bahagyang tumaas ang kilay niya pero agad din iyong tumuwid at ngumiti siya. “That’s lovely. Mahal na mahal mo siguro ang asawa mo.”

I smiled softly. “Oo naman.”

Saglit niya akong pinagmasdan bago marahang tumawa. “How sweet. Too bad, I can’t give up this tie for you though.” Mas humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa necktie. “I really want this one. You see, I love my boyfriend very much too, and I think this tie would look perfect on him. Would you mind giving it to me instead?”

Hindi ako naka-imik agad.

“I know you wanted it too, but I saw it first,” she continued.

Technically... we had grabbed it at the same time. Pero ayoko nang makipagtalo. Necktie lang naman iyon. The last thing I wanted was to make a scene over something so trivial. Kaya pinikit long ngumiti.

“Sige,” turan ko at binitawan ang necktie. “You can have it.”

Ilang segundo niya akong tinitigan bago ngumiti ng matamis. “Thank you.”

Bahagya akong tumango. “Walang anuman.”

She looked… pleased. Far more pleased than someone should be over a tie.

“You’re very kind.”

I smiled awkwardly. Iniabot niya ang necktie sa saleslady bago muling humarap sa akin.

“You know…” marahan niyang turan, “sometimes we find something that feels perfect for us, something we want so badly… but wanting it doesn’t always mean it’s meant to be ours.”

I frowned slightly. “I’m sorry?”

She smiled again. “Oh, nothing. I just think it’s better to let go of things that were never truly ours to begin with.”

I stared at her in confusion. What an odd thing to say. May lihim ba siyang hinanakit dahil hindi ko agad ibinigay ang necktie sakaniya, or sadyang ganoon lang talaga siyang magsalita?

“I hope you find another gift,” aniya bago tumalikod at naglakad paalis.

Tahimik ko siyang sinundan ng tingin. What a strange woman.

Napa-iling na lamang ako at marahang napabuntong-hininga bago muling ipinagpatuloy ang pagtitingin-tingin. Inisa-isa ko ang mga estante at glass cases, hoping something would catch my eye.

A few minutes later, I found a pair of silver cufflinks. Simple lamang ang disenyo nito at walang magarbong dekorasyon, yet somehow, they reminded me of Pierre. Elegant and effortless timeless.

Maingat kong kinuha ang maliit na box at napangiti. These would suit him too.

Then an idea suddenly crossed my mind. What if I had his initials engraved on them? My eyes lit up. That would make the gift even more special.

My smile widened as I carried the box to the counter. Tinanong ko ang isa sa mga staff kung nago-offer sila ng engraving service, and to my delight, they did. One of the jewelers immediately engraved Pierre’s initials onto the cufflinks while I waited. It only took a few minutes before they were carefully polished and handed back to me.

Matapos magbayad, dahan-dahan kong inilagay ang maliit na box sa loob ng aking bag, making sure it was safe before leaving the boutique.

My next stop was the supermarket. Since bukas ang anniversary namin, I wanted to prepare dinner myself. Hindi naman iyon engrande, but I hoped that, for one evening, we could simply enjoy a quiet meal together and celebrate another year of our marriage.

Marahan kong itinulak ang shopping cart sa bawat pasilyo habang isa-isang kinukuha ang mga kakailanganin ko. Fresh vegetables, pasta, meat, wine, at ang lahat ng ingredients para sa cake na halos isang linggo kong pinag-aralang gawin.

Hindi naman talaga ako mahusay mag-bake. Ilang beses pa nga akong pumalpak sa mga unang subok ko. Minsan sobrang tigas ng cake, minsan naman ay hindi ito umaalsa, at isang beses pa nga, halos masunog ko ang buong kusina. Pero hindi ako sumuko. Because I really wanted to make one for our anniversary. Pierre probably wouldn’t appreciate my efforts, pero ayos lang. I just really wanted to do it.

I found myself smiling habang unti-unting napupuno ang shopping cart ko. I was already excited for tomorrow. God. I really was hopeless.

Matapos kong bayaran ang lahat ng pinamili ko, isa-isa kong isinakay ang mga paper bag sa likod ng kotse. Then pinaandar ko na ang sasakyan at nagmanaheo pauwi ng may ngiti pa rin sa labi.