The Unwanted

After years that I'm with him, he still love his best friend. His first love.

Now, I'm infront of him. Infront of the man I love and the man I only want to be with for the rest of my life.

'Zaine'

His name lingered in my mind. He keep running inside my head as if he can't get out anymore. He's finding himself a way to escape. But why can't I do that to him?

He almost asked those word yet I stopped him. He is so naive. 

"Are you inl—"

"Yes! I am inlove with you! I love you!" 

That's the time when I confess my love to him, for the first time in my life. He just looked at my direction and mumbled my name. 

"Jane..." 

"I know, Zaine. You don't love me," I faked a smile. "You will never love me and I'm sorry... i-if I fell for you..." I didn't expected that he will hug me despit of my confession earlier. After all the revelation I thought was right. But it's all a lie. 

I know, she's your loved one. We are not destined for each other. She's that perfect that even though she left you, you are still waiting for her. To be withol her. 

Your first love.

Why did I fell inlove with you? After years, you're still the one?

He left without saying goodbye. Without explanations to why he run away again. But this is all my fault. 

Just because I loved you, I want you to be happy with her now.

I will let you go now, Zaine.

I will do everthing just to. Make things right, even my soul will the only price for it. 

"Sorry." 

Those words were remained blurry as if I can't understand a thing. Those words were like knives that stabbed me for a thousand times. Thise words are killing me as I felt my heart torn into tiny pieces. I can't understand myself. Eventhough I wanted to be with you. I just couldn't, because you love her and I'm kust the other option. The second choice whenever she's not with you. 

Why do I always coming back to you, Zaine? Why do I need to suffer from those things eventhough it's clear that I am not the one you love? 

I'm selfish and that's because I'm just in love with you.