Chapter 45: Shadows and Regrets Lucas POV

It was totally black, suffocating my senses and making every sound seem dangerous. Here, time seemed useless, with every second dragging on forever. I was irritated due to the burning hunger in my stomach and the dryness in my throat. Even worse, since Dax's arrival, the guards had failed to bring us food or drink. It was intentional—psychological war to destroy us.

Anna leaned against the faraway wall, breathing steadily but shallowly. I couldn't stand the oppressive silence between us any longer.

I remarked, keeping my voice low so it wouldn't echo too much in the small area, "They're trying to scare us."

With a clipped tone, Anna replied, "They're doing a good job."

I tried to distract my attention from the engulfing darkness by resting my head back on the chilly stone. "This cannot continue forever. They will finally need to take action."

"What if they don't?" she asked.

Her voice pierced me with its sharpness, and I was at a loss for words. To be honest, I had no idea. I didn't want to consider the worst-case scenario, but with the odds stacked so high against us, it was tough to ignore.

I could tell she was getting closer by a small shuffling. When she spoke again, her voice was softer. "Do you believe they intend to deprive us of food?"

I was hesitant to reply. "It is possible. But not just yet. They won't kill us. They're looking for something from us."

She mumbled, "Comforting," and I could nearly hear the roll of her eyes.

The silence returned, and I felt driven to fill it. My thoughts went to the question that had been bothering me ever since we met.

With reluctance, I said, "Anna."

"What?"

"Can you tell me about Leo, please?"

There was a long pause, and I briefly believed she might say no. Then she exhaled, her voice full of feeling.

"What are you interested in knowing?" With a reserved tone, she asked.

Guilt was already eating away at the borders of my determination as I took a deep breath. "Everything. How did he behave? How did it feel to grow up with him?"

Anna didn't reply right away. Her voice was aloof as she spoke, as though she were looking through long-forgotten memories.

At last, she uttered, "Leo was... complicated. He tried, but he wasn't perfect. He made an effort every time. He used to tell me these absurd bedtime tales about heroes and fighters when I was a child. He encouraged me to think that anyone, no matter how small or weak, could have an effect."

She faltered, and beneath her words, I heard the smallest quiver of sadness.

"He taught me survival skills and how to hunt. He warned that the world wouldn't be kind to someone like me, and he was right. He did, however, also tell me that I was stronger than I realized. I was stronger than everyone knew."

With the weight of her words sinking in, I closed my eyes. "He seems to have had a deep concern for you."

"He did," she mumbled. "More than others have ever had."

Her tone was like a blow to the stomach due to its sharpness. After what I'd done, I didn't deserve her sincerity.

"Anna..." I began, but she interrupted.

With a harsher tone now, she stated, "He didn't deserve what happened to him. He didn't deserve to be accused of abandoning his country or to be framed. Lucas, he was innocent. He was merely attempting to help."

Even though she was unaware of the whole truth, I recoiled at the accusation in her words. My chest constricted, and the guilt I had been fighting felt like it might strangle me.

"I understand," I whispered, scarcely raising my voice above a whisper.

"Are you aware?" Her tone was suspicious as she repeated, "How are you able to know?"

Because the alarm was heard by me. Since I was the one who watched him and made the snap judgments. I couldn't question what I was told since I was too blind and dedicated to my flock.

I wasn't yet able to say any of that. A lump in my throat was swallowed, and I made myself talk.

With words that sounded hollow even to my own ears, I said, "I just... I believe you."

She laughed bitterly. "You can say that with ease now, can't you? Nothing changes just because you believe. It doesn't make him return."

I was unable to answer, so I didn't. The truth was too unvarnished and harsh.

There was a heavy quiet between us this time. Like a physical force in the shadows, I could feel her sadness and rage.

She spoke again after what seemed like a lifetime, but this time her voice was softer, though still painful.

"I used to think that perhaps I could have saved him if I had been smarter and stronger. Perhaps I could have stopped it from occurring."

The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them: "It wasn't your fault."

Her breath came out shakily. "Perhaps not. But now it's useless, isn't it? He is no longer here. And the thoughts are all that remain of him."

Her speech pierced me like a razor with its unadulterated passion. I wanted to comfort her and let her know she wasn't by herself. But how could I, given that I contributed to her losing him?

"Anna," I said, my voice quivering. "I apologize."

Her tone hardened as she said, "For what? You were unaware of him. He wasn't lost on you."

I couldn't answer, so I didn't. The darkness was oppressive, and the guilt was crushing.

She sighed in frustration. "Lucas, what's the point of this? Why do you even want to know about him?"

My voice cracked as I continued, "Because I need to understand. I must know his identity and the importance he held for you. I must."

"For what?" she yelled. "Help yourself feel better? Congratulations, then. You know the answers. Are you happy now?"

She slammed her words into my chest, and I felt the breath leave my lungs. "No," I muttered. "I'm not."

Following that, there was an oppressive quiet, and I felt more guilty than ever.

At last, Anna's voice was icy and aloof as she spoke once more. "We ought to focus on leaving this place. Right now, that is all that counts."

Of course, she was right. However, I couldn't help but question if I would ever be able to put things right as I sat there in the dark with the burden of my earlier misdeeds pressing down on me.