I practically ran out to the carpark. All I knew was that I had to leave. The last lecture of the day wasn’t important enough to have to see Brodie again. The second I closed the door of the car behind me, I locked the doors. Feeling somewhat safer, I sighed a breath of relief. It wasn’t enough. I needed to be further away. I had no idea where I should even go. I didn’t want to go home, and I had nowhere else to go. I started the car and just drove. Heading north out of instinct and drove along the coast.
The Scottish coast near Inverness was, for the most part small strips of stones leading to the water’s edge. It was a place people went for active walking holidays not to sit out on the beach enjoying the sun. I tried to focus on the road in front of me and forget everything else on my mind, not that it worked.
I spotted a small strip of sand instead of the usual rocks and pulled into the car park nearby. I just sat there for a moment, enjoying the view of the sea and
BrodieHer screams ripped through me. I felt like they were coming out of my own mouth. Having no idea what I was supposed to do. I wanted to be there by her side, but that wasn’t what she wanted. I had to force myself to stay in the field. To stay away and do what was best for her. I could feel the pain she was in and it was unbearable. I had no idea how she was surviving it. She was so much stronger than I ever could have been. Only reminding me of how weak I was. I tried to pretend I wasn’t, but I knew the truth and so had my father. He had been right about me all along. It wasn’t until I met Esme that I learned what real strength looked like.Suddenly, there was silence. The pain had gone; the screams quietened. It took me a moment to realise it wasn’t because the birth was all over, but because she had left me. There was nothing. No relief, no thoughts, nothing. The emptiness pained me more than anything could have. I was on my feet and running before I h
EsmeI was hardly surprised by my little girl’s arrival. Brodie had made it clear that it was a possibility. She was tiny compared to her brother. I couldn’t help but see the comparison. She looked much more like me. I wondered if that was what we had looked like together as infants. I knew Brodie would have been considerably bigger than me, given the age gap. It still left me a bit more than uncomfortable that the three of us had been raised together, even for a short time.It was odd looking at the two of them lying on my chest. The size difference was ridiculous. I looked at Jackson, but he didn’t seem remotely concerned. The birth of my little girl had gone much more how I had expected than her brother had been. It was like he was too big for my body to handle. I felt better just knowing it was all over, even though the pains were still lurking around.We hadn’t managed to get much in the way of baby bits. It was difficult when my pregnancy had been
BrodieI couldn’t stay in there when I could see how much distress she was in. She hated me so much that even seeing me was too much. I stood out there in the rain, as though everything going on inside was nothing to do with me. The baby or babies were already more Jackson’s than mine and the idea killed me. He would be welcomed into that room while I stayed outside in the cold. I never could have imagined the gravity of the consequences of my mistakes.For a while, I had thought Jackson wanted her as his own and although I had been wrong, it had turned out that way, anyway. Jackson was her partner in everything and had been there for her and the baby. I was nothing, and he was everything. I felt like my heart was literally tearing in two. Between my pain and hers, I could barely stand it. Everything was coursing through me and it was too much to handle. The pain, the rage, the longing for Jackson. I could hear her crying out his name in her mind over and over
EsmeThe pain seemed to reverberate through me, wave after wave. I needed Jackson. He was the only one that would be able to stop me from finding comfort in Brodie. Each time he reached for me, I pulled away, but I was getting weaker in my resolve. I couldn’t let him get close. My need for him was too great. If I dared give into him, I would be lost to him. I loved him so much, but it didn’t change everything he had done. I needed a distance between us, especially at that moment.So many times, Jackson and I had discussed how hard it would be for me to see the baby and not let my love for Brodie creep back in. Love was a convincing force. It could easily persuade me to accept the status quo at the camp. To make me think that second place was better than not having him at all. I could see the concern in his eyes, and it was enough to make my resolve soften. Seeing him like that was enough to convince me that I was the only person he ever looked at like that. Ex
BrodieI felt the change in her instantly. The fear screamed at me silently from across the room. I turned instinctively to her and followed her gaze towards Marcus. I never should have let him come to the house. She was in a vulnerable state. I never considered that she would see him as a threat after she had kicked his ass the way she did. It wasn’t until that moment that I realised she wasn’t the same person that had dealt with him before. The confidence, the recklessness had all disappeared.“Just go! Find Jackson and get him back here.” Mikkel had already filled them in on where he had gone and possible routes home. I was confident they would have him back at the house in no time. After I shut the door, I was left with nothing else but to face her. To try to explain why Marcus was there, but she was hardly in a good enough condition for that conversation. If I was going to have a hard conversation, that wasn’t the one I wanted to start with. It wasn’t as
EsmeI lay there looking at the scene before me, in the darkness and not knowing what the hell I was looking at. The pain was immense and Mikkel had made it clear I was in trouble. My body was fighting against itself and it was ripping apart from the inside out. The fever was still blaring and between that and the pain, I must have been hallucinating. Why else would I have seen Brodie tousling with Mikkel on the floor? I wondered if it was wishful thinking. If my subconscious was crying out for him and had conjured him up in my mind.“Seriously, mate, I’m just trying to help her. Will you stop and listen?” The ball of fists and feet seemed to come to a stop. Leaving the two of them lying on the floor. Brodie on top of Mikkel. I let out a scream as another bolt of pain shot through me. There were so many pains it was impossible to tell what was due to the contractions, and what wasn’t. The only reason I even had a clue what was happening to me was because Mikke