The Repentant Woman

Toronto, Canada

March 28, 2025

Catholic Church

"Father, bless me. These are the sins that I have committed and am very sorry for. In my youth I hurt many people because of my actions. I took what should not have been mine. Many women had their souls hurt and children had to witness how their parents separated, all because of my fault. Do I still deserve forgiveness?"

"Declare now your repentance before God and in the name of Christ, the savior of the world, I will grant forgiveness."

***

I walked towards the churchyard, the sunlight seeming brighter than before I arrived. I wondered if my past sins had been forgiven? Could I possibly live a guilt-free life again?

I saw my husband standing in the churchyard with some women who were chatting with him. His smile was bright, making anyone who looked at him light up.

"Simon...!" I called out to him. The women who had been chatting with him immediately left when I arrived, as if embarrassed to have the wives of the men they were chatting with join them.

"It seems you're confessing to many sins, making me wait so long," Simon said, taking his hands out of his pockets. I didn't know why he was so reluctant to wait for me.

"I already asked you to go home early. Besides, I'm going to the clinic today. I was asked to cover Laura's shift because she couldn't work today."

"It's the weekend, and you promised to take the day off work!" Simon looked annoyed, and I was confused by his attitude. A few days ago, he told me he had to meet a client on Sunday, but the meeting was suddenly canceled.

"Mrs. Erika Gonzalez, she called you this morning."

"Really?"

"Yes, while you were still sleeping. She asked you to come to her apartment this afternoon." I said, reluctant to tell her about her beautiful client, Erika Gonzales, the young widow of a famous billionaire who had died two years ago.

"Why are you telling me about that important call now?"

"I'm just confused, why did you have to go to her apartment? Shouldn't you meet at the office or a restaurant if you were discussing work?"

"Come on, Nina! You're starting to suspect me again, aren't you? You know how hard I've worked to get to where I am now, right?"

"I know, but ever since Erika Gonzales hired you, you've been so busy you haven't had time for me. Next week is our wedding anniversary, Simon. I want you to remember it like you forgot my birthday this time," I said, holding back the tightness in my chest.

We lost our baby last year, when I was five weeks pregnant. The loss devastated me mentally, and the sadness strained our relationship.

Seeing me on the verge of tears made Simon feel guilty, and he touched my face with both hands.

"We're still in church, you just finished confessing, right? I don't want you to sin again by suspecting your husband, who has worked so hard for you."

"Simon, I didn't mean to—"

"I know, Nina, I know what you're thinking! You've been so possessive since the baby in your womb died. You've been busy blaming yourself for everything that happened!"

"I don't blame you! I just need you, I just need your time!"

"I need time too, Nina! I also need time to accept the fact that you might not be able to give me a child!"

Simon snapped at me, saying something he knew would hurt me. I froze, the trauma starting to hit my soul. The child we'd waited six years for had died in my womb before it could grow and be born.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but Simon didn't seem to care, his expression was one of annoyance, and it made my soul even more fragile.

"I'll take you home! After that I have to go see Mrs. Erika, I don't want to keep her waiting because this is going to be a big project. We can buy a mansion in Alberta."

During the journey, I was reluctant to speak, and I didn't even look at him. He was once the man I loved so much, the man who made me believe I could settle down, that I could have a home to call home. But I wondered, when will karma catch up with me?

"I don't want you to be this gloomy all the time. Go to a beauty clinic and change your hairstyle. I remember you used to have long, beautiful dark hair. Your makeup used to be so pretty, and your clothes were fashionable and sexy. Now you look like an unattractive middle-aged woman, even though you're only 32."

"Does that still matter to me? Weren't you the one who asked me to focus on getting pregnant instead of dressing up?"

"But the truth is, you failed to take care of your pregnancy, didn't you? Now I don't want you to fail to take care of yourself either. You used to be the most beautiful and sexiest woman I've ever seen. Now you look so gloomy, don't waste your beautiful face on crying and grieving. If you can't make your husband happy by giving him a child, at least make him happy with your body!"

"The doctor said I can still get pregnant if—"

"If your mental state is stable and your body is healthy? Then what about me? Why is your condition the only thing you care about? I work so hard, is my physical and mental health not important?"

"Simon, that's because I'm the one carrying our child. If my condition is bad, I won't be able to take care of our baby anymore!"

"Damn, you're so spoiled even though you haven't even given birth to a child. My mother gave birth to me while taking care of my older siblings, but she's fine. If you find it hard, you should just quit working at that clinic!"

I was at a loss for words. In the end, I would still be the one in the wrong. Simon was so strict that I couldn't fight him. But maybe he was right; I was the one being too spoiled. After all, returning to nursing was my decision to forget the grief of my unborn child.

"I'm sorry!"

"It's no use apologizing because you'll end up doing it again. My mother wants a luxury home in Alberta and I promised her that I would make her dream home come true."

"But last year you just built a house for your father and older sister, and last month you just paid for your little brother's wedding."

"He got his girlfriend pregnant before he even got a good job."

"But he's worked at your company and he's done his job well. Paying for his wedding isn't your responsibility!"

"You don't need to interfere so much in my family's affairs. I'm the most successful child in the family, it's only natural I help my siblings."

"You've helped them so much over the years, yet they've become so spoiled that they rely solely on you—"

Paaaakkk...

A slap flew right across my cheek. I was caught off guard when Simon stopped his car just to cover my mouth with a slap.

I was speechless, too shocked to process what I'd just experienced. In almost seven years of our marriage, this was the first time he'd slapped me.

I touched my cheek, the pain of which couldn't even compare to the pain in my heart. Am I no longer worthy of being treated well in his eyes?

"My family is more important than anything, even more important than you, remember that!"

***