Chapter 5: What We Don’t Say

Francesca’s POV

I still couldn’t sleep much after I went back to my room. I stayed up all night tossing and turning. Time went by quickly and before I knew it, it was morning already.

I lay there staring at the ceiling for a long time before I made myself get up, take a shower, and get dressed.

I left my room, hoping not to run into Sophie, but well I was unlucky.

Sophie was already in the hallway, arms crossed, watching me come down like she’d been waiting. “You look different today,” she said.

“I look the same.”

“No.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “You look like someone who slept badly for a good reason.”

“I don’t even know what that means and I don’t have the strength for tantrums this morning.”

“Tantrums?” She said looking offended

“Yes tantrums.” I repeated.

“Julian left his room early this morning.” She tilted her head, studying me. “Where do you think he went?”

“I have no idea.” I said

“Neither do I. Isn’t that strange?” She smiled, “You’d think a husband would tell his wife where he’s going.”

“We’re not that kind of married and you know it.”

“Aren’t you?” She stepped closer. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re settling in quite nicely.”

“I’m surviving. That’s different from settling.”

“Is it?” Her voice dropped. “Because I know you, Francesca. I know what it looks like when you want something you’re not supposed to have.”

“You actually don’t know anything about me.” I said

“I know you’ve always wanted what was mine.” She said so sure of herself

“Everything of yours was handed to you Sophie. Nothing was ever earned. So forgive me if I don’t feel guilty for standing in a life you threw away yourself.”

Her smile faltered, just slightly though. “Just remember,” she said, walking past me, “he was never yours to keep.”

“Funny, because he was never really yours either, so your act of entitlement towards him baffles me.” I said as I began to walk away.

She stopped walking but didn’t turn around. I left because I wasn’t going to wait for her response.

I made my way to the staircase and went downstairs. Marta was in the hallway with an armful of linens when I passed.

“Mrs Windsor, will you be wanting breakfast in the drawing room?”

“Just tea. I said “I’m not hungry.”

She nodded and didn’t ask for anything else, which I was grateful for.

I spent the morning in the drawing room, sketching nothing, really, just lines that didn’t add up to anything, because my mind wouldn’t settle on the page. Every few minutes I found myself touching the pendant on my neck.

I heard him before I saw him. “You’re avoiding the garden today.”

I looked up. Julian stood in the doorway, jacket off and sleeves rolled up. “I’m not avoiding anything.” I said

“You always sketch in the garden.”

“Maybe I wanted a change.” I said

He came in, closing the door behind him, which he’d never done before. “I’ve been thinking about last night,” he said.

“Why?

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence you have that same necklace.” He said

He crossed the room and sat across from me, close enough that I had to look up to meet his eyes.

“Maybe it’s not the exact same necklace and you’re probably just imagining it” I said, trying to make him drop the topic.

I kept my hand over the pendant, instinctively covering it from his view. It was a useless gesture though, because he had already seen it. And I could tell from the way he was looking at me, that he wasn’t going to let subject go as easily as I wanted him to.

“I don’t imagine things, Francesca. I don’t lie awake over a piece of jewelry unless there’s a reason to.”

My pulse picked up “What are you saying then?”

“I don’t know.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, “All of this is confusing me, and I don’t like being confused.” He said

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I just want to understand why I can’t stop looking at it.” He said, his eyes on the pendant.

The room suddenly felt smaller, and the air different. He reached out, slowly, like he expected me to pull away, and touched the pendant resting against my collarbone.

His fingers brushed my skin and I forgot, for one second, every reason I had to hate him.

“Julian….”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” he said, voice low. “Tell me it’s just a coincidence, and I’ll drop it.”

I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t.

His hand moved from the pendant to my jaw, tilting my face up toward his, and for a moment we just stared at each other. His eyes then dropped to my mouth.

“Francesca.”

I didn’t move away and neither did he.

His face was close enough now that I could feel his breath. My hand had somehow found the front of his shirt, not pushing him away, not pulling him closer either.

“If you’re wrong about this,” I whispered, “I need you to stop.”

“And if I’m not?” He asked

I didn’t answer. His hand slid to the back of my neck, and the space between us closed slowly, his mouth a breath from mine….

“Julian?”

The door swung open.

Sophie stood frozen in the doorway, her eyes wide, taking in exactly what she’d walked in on. Julian pulled back so fast the air between us went cold. I stood, smoothing my dress, my heart slamming against my ribs.

Sophie had gone very still and pale.

“What is this?” she said quietly.