Weakness Pt. 3

"He's got the same look in his eyes as Kaiden did. That same...lost and terrified look. I know you've seen it, too. Regardless of whatever emotional involvement I allow myself to fall into, it is my burden to carry, but I'll be goddamned if I'm not going to try. And I know you see it.

"I know you care about him, too, or you wouldn't have brought him here. I've lived here for three months, Liz, and he's the first person you've ever brought here."

There was silence for a moment before I saw Liz wipe at her eyes and pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Mykel, I love you. If you remember, too, I paid for his funeral. And if you remember, he was just as much a little brother to me as you are. And damn it, Mykee, I remember what his death did to you. I remember...and I know if you fall in love with him and he succumbs to the same end, if we can't reach him...you can't survive that again, can you? And goddamn it all, I don't want to lose you, too." With that she slowly turned and walked out the back door, softly shutting it behind her.

I stood motionless for a moment unsure of what to do. I couldn't stand there any longer, the tension was building like a thick fog.

He must have heard me enter the kitchen as he turned his head and found me there. He smiled, as he always seemed to upon catching my eye, but this one made my chest ache. His golden eyes were dulled with pain, and his lips strained in their minute position.

I wanted to ask who Kaiden was, but I refrained. Our relationship was too new, too superficial to ask something so personal.

"Are you okay?" I asked instead, coming to stand beside him. He was occupying the same stool I had earlier while he was making dinner.

"No. And I am a fucking asshole. I shouldn't have spoken to her that way." He glanced at the back door like he wanted to go after her and sighed. "Do me a favor, will you? Go check on her?"

I glanced at the door and back at him. "What about you?"

He stood not looking at me, but at the coffee left in the mug, he had been gripping. "I need to be alone for a bit. Please, will you go to her?"

I nodded, frowning at him.

"I'll be okay, Mattie." With that, he turned and walked away from me, his steps hollowly echoing up the stairs as he ascended.

I made my way outside onto the back porch. I saw her silhouetted against the moon to my left. I occupied the empty spot next to her on the porch swing and waited for her to speak.

She wiped her eyes and sniffled. "Sometimes he's a fucking asshole," she said in broken words.

I halfway grinned. "That's what he said to me just now."

"At least he can admit it." She sniffled again and continued looking out at the land before us.

It was dark, the only light from the moon and stars, but somehow I felt at peace here. I followed her gaze and could just make out the small fishing pond, the water sparkling where the moon touched it.

"Are you alright?" I asked after a bit of silence.

"Yeah, sure, you betcha." I smiled at her sarcasm.

"Wanna...wanna talk about it?" I asked her. I hoped she wouldn't be mad at my prying.

"This is backward," she said offhandedly.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused by the randomness of the comment.

"I brought you here to make you feel better." She looked at me then and slightly grinned.

I returned it. "You did make me feel better, Liz. No one has ever talked me from an attack like you did today. No one's ever...held my hand, or hugged me. No one's ever cared before. Now it's my turn to make you feel better."

She put her arm around me and leaned her head against my shoulder. With my toe, I slowly rocked the swing and looked out at the water.

"Thank you, Liz. I never got the opportunity to say it earlier."

"For what, sweetie?" She genuinely sounded like she didn't know. Like what she had done for me was not as profound as I felt it be.

"For caring," I said simply.

She sat up then and took my hand, gently kissing my cheek. "It's what I'm here for, sweetie. There's no need for thanks."

"You don't understand," I whispered to her. I looked at her, my eyes shining in the moonlight. "You're the first person to care, Liz. Before you, no one had ever said a kind word to me. When you hugged me the first time was the first time I'd been hugged. I've never...known...what being loved feels like. The only love I've ever been shown is pain and fear. And what you did for me today...it's a big deal...to me. So...thank you."

She kissed my temple then and ran her fingers through my hair. "Anytime, sweetie. I'm always here."

"Can I tell you something?" I said after a long moment.

"Anything."

"I know we're only twelve years apart...but I wish I could have had a mother like you."