Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I never thought I'd forget the man I loved most. By the time he regretted divorcing me, he'd already lost me and our baby.

***

The sheets were still warm when Adrian pulled away from me.

I kept my eyes closed, pretending to fall asleep, listening to the sound of his breathing. We had just been so close. In those moments I let myself believe that tonight was a sign of something different. That the way he held me meant something even if he was never going to say it out loud.

I wanted to stay there forever, tucked against his chest, his heartbeat under my palm.

Then his phone buzzed breaking the tranquility of the room as I felt an impending sense of dread in my stomach.

He shifted immediately, his body turning towards the table without a second thought.

"I have to take this," he murmured.

He got off the bed, grabbed his phone and walked outside to the balcony sliding the door shut behind him.

I lay still and stared at the ceiling.

Stop reading into things, I told myself. You always do this.

But with every passing second, it got harder to hold onto the hope I had.

He came back twenty minutes later. I watched carefully as he moved quietly around the room, pulling on his jacket, checking his watch.

"Something came up," he said, without looking at me as he continued speaking. "At the company. I have to go."

"Now?" My voice came out smaller than I intended it to come out. If he noticed it, he certainly didn't show it.

"It can't wait."

He straightened his collar in the mirror, made sure he looked put together before turning to me.

"Go to sleep, Elena. Don't wait up!"

I said nothing. He left. The door clicked shut leaving me behind, alone on our big bed.

I know it was Vivian, again.

Three years.

That was how long we had been married. Three years of living a marriage that was build on a lie. It all started with an accidental one night stand and within the week, Adrian has lawyers who were drawing up contract papers for me to sign.

I should have walked away. I knew even then, some quiet part of me knew, that I was stepping into something that would ruin me for life because it wasn't possible to walk freely from men like this, but I was desperate and I had looked at Adrian and foolishly thought maybe we could make this work.

Maybe this becomes something real.

I was an orphan, moved from one foster home to the next, never staying in one place long enough to put down roots. I used to dream about having a family of my own. I used to dream of having a home where no one would ask me to leave. When Adrian offered me this marriage, I saw it as an escape and I took it thinking I was going to be happy.

So I stayed. I gave up my own work to become his personal secretary, in a bid to make myself useful to him so he could see my value from the onset.

I told myself it was practical. I was very good at lying to myself back then.

The truth was simpler and more embarrassing to admit: I loved him. I had fallen in love with my own husband, which I shouldn't have because it was a contract Marriage and the requirements for that was absolutely no love but there were moments when we would be alone and he would act differently- laugh at my jokes, helped me whenever I was feeling anxiety or how he always listened to what I had to babble despite his busy schedule.

But in the daytime, in the presence of others, I was nothing more like a prop that was used to enhance his life and display him as the kind of man who got both family and work lives balanced.

I was a presentable wife. A warm body for public appearances and private nights.

And yet I wanted more. I wanted all of it. I wanted a child with him, God that had been my biggest dream. I had brought it up to him once, choosing my words carefully, but Adrian had looked at me with those eyes of his and said calmly

There can be no children in this marriage, Elena.

Just like that. The case was closed. I hated myself for staying after that. I stayed anyway.

A few months ago, Vivian Laurent came back.

She had been abroad for years. She was a celebrated pianist that was famous worldwide and sought for, she had signed with Adrian's company soon after she returned and the rumors started within days.

Vivian is his first and true love.

He signed her to keep her close to himself. That's pure love right there.

Did you hear? Adrian is going to divorce the secretary wife. I think that's good. It was always going to happen.

I tried not to listen to what they were saying. I was well versed in pretending not to hear the bad things being said about me but Adrian had started keeping late nights, mystery calls that he never answered my questions about what they were.

- - -

The next morning I walked into the company and felt it immediately.

The looks were different. It seemed targeted at me, not the invincible look they often gave me in the past but the kind where all eyes were on me. A junior employee whispered something in her friend's ears and then they both glanced over to catch my gaze.

I kept walking.

Near the break room I heard two voices, low but not low enough.

"Vivian's back though, so it's only a matter of time....."

"He's not going to keep her around. I mean, she's just an orphan, right? No family, no connections...."

"Vivian's family has been in classical music for three generations and she is the best to be seen in her lineage. You really think he's going to choose between her and...."

I turned the corner and they went silent when their gases fell on mine.

I smiled, giving them one of the fake practised smiles that I had practiced all the time looking at my mirror.

"Good morning," I said.

They stammered back a greeting. I moved on.

My hands were shaking by the time I reached my desk.

Don't, I told myself. Don't let it in. It's all talk. There is nothing going on between them.

I sat down, pressed my palms flat on the desk, trying to put some pressure on it it keep me weighted.

My phone rang.

The ringtone was a piece of violin music that reminded me of the two years I spent learning violin in one of my foster homes. It was the longest I had ever stayed anywhere. Sometimes I wondered who I might have become if Adrian had seen potential in me the way he saw it in Vivian.

I stared at the screen until the ringing stopped.

'Stop', I thought. 'You have a report to deliver.'

I gathered my folders, smoothed my blazer, and made myself move.- - -

Adrian's office was located at the end of the executive floor. I knocked once. No answer

I pushed the door open.

The room smelled of her perfume before I saw her. My eyes widened when I looked at the scene in front of me.

Vivian was nestled against Adrian's side, her head tilted toward his shoulder, laughing softly at something he'd said. His hand rested near her waist.

He looked up. And our eyes met. For a single second no one moved.