CHAPTER FOUR

I read to escape the harshness of life. Reading becomes my reality, and I get lost in the world I created. 

Victor Mairo 

  For the first time in a very long time, I did not feel alone. I felt happy even. I'd always thought the twins were uptight and cold. They proved me wrong in a thousand and one ways. 

  "Earth to Dean, earth to Dean," Tyler said, waving a hand over my face. Funny, I didn't notice when he caught up with me. Frankly, I'm not sure I cared. I saw what Tyler did; instead, he didn't do. I had to analyze it, and the more I did, the angrier I became. He watched Cain hit me, taunt me. Yet he said nothing because he didn't want to seem "queer". What kind of friend was he anyway? 

  "Hey, Tyler. I didn't see you there. I was heading home," I said, still walking, not really in the mood for his excuses. The truth is, all my life, I've given one explanation or the other for the way he behaves. He was treating me as second fiddle, always delegated to second place. It hit me all at once, and I didn't like it, not one bit. 

  "But you never go home without me, no matter the delay. What's gotten into you? Is it because of the Ice Goddess? Aww c'mon. She's brainwashing you in just a day. This is pathetic, really," Tyler said, fuming. He had no right to be angry. No fucking right. Day after day, I made different excuses just to see him, and most times, I'm usually ignored. The last thing I wanted was for Brianna to be included in this conversation. 

  "Can you please just stop? She's a person you know. You can't talk about her like an object, something to be acquired. That's demeaning, and I thought you'd know better. Honestly, just drop it." I was fuming now but not openly. I do have total control over my emotions. But sometimes, I just want to hit Tyler with the sole of a shoe. Just to knock some sense into him. 

"Why do you sound this way? I was only kidding. It was all a joke. You take things too seriously. Oh, wait. You have a crush on her!! Yes, that explains it. You do like her. Funny, I'd always thought you were gay or something. You and girl, Nah. They don't add up." He said, laughing and nudging my shoulder. I didn't find it funny at all. Why did he come to that conclusion? What if..... 

"Hey Ty," I said, waiting for the desired effect of hitting him. Last time I called him Ty, we were six. And well, it kind of faded. Like, it was outgrown. But I knew where to strike Tyler. If and only if, I play my cards right. I had only one chance at this. I had to be specific. Tyler, startled, literally halted in his steps. All trace of laughter gone from his face. 

  "I... I thought you forgot. But you remember. You do. You were the first and only person I allowed to call me that. I remember that... That day. The day you first called me Tyler. My heart broke. You were no longer my Dee. You grew," Tyler spoke so detached. He had already stopped walking. 

  "Is it true? Do you… You know.." I couldn't complete my sentence. My head was still reeling from this information. Also, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. 

  "Yes, Dean, you can say it. I'm gay. So, I surround myself with girls hoping it would all go away. But it never did. No matter what I did. It never did. And... This might sound weird, but... It was because of you. I couldn't get you out of my head. No matter what I tried. I've been with so many girls, I've lost count. But I feel nothing. Nothing. So well, seeing you with Brianna, it broke me. And I'm sorry about that. " Immediately he said that he walked away and I just let him. Because even with all our years of friendship, I never suspected. Not once. I felt like the world's worst friend. But, I knew a way to rectify it. In the meantime, I have to go home. 

"Hello, anybody home?" I said immediately I entered into Tyler's house. The door was open, as always. But for the first time in a very long time, I felt self-conscious, anxious, trying not to make the wrong move. 

  "Hey Dean, come on up. I'm the only one home. As usual." Tyler shouted from the top of the stairs. I took a deep breath and walked upstairs straight into Tyler's room. It was the same house, but a lot of things have changed. Tyler was no longer the harmless best friend, and to be honest, it rocked my whole existence. I had to rectify this. 

  "Well, I came to talk about earlier, and I was out of line. I never knew I swear it. The thing is, we've been best friends all our lives, and I didn't know. What kind of best friend am I? I don't know, and I'm just lost here. I'm trying not to sound awkward, but..." while I was talking and fidgeting, Tyler interrupted me with a kiss. An entwining of lips, souls, and body. His lips ravaged my mouth, making me feel things I never thought were possible. 

" Well, I just had to shut you up. You were rambling and as cute as it was, I just had to show you." Tyler said, looking at me, anxiously. I haven't moved from that spot. Too shocked to do anything. I was utterly upset, confused, and unable to explain the butterflies in my stomach. So, I did the only logical thing. I ran away. 

My first kiss was with my best friend, a boy. And I enjoyed it. Ah damn. I need to sleep it off. I took my phone, saw ten missed calls from Tyler, and various messages. I just had to rest my head. Maybe this will turn out to be a dream. I turned off my phone and slept, thoughts of what happened to fill my mind...