Chapter 20: Walls Around My Heart

Kaima

First thing that hit me was the pain.

Oh goddess, I groaned.

I felt a deep pain that started small before spreading through my entire skull. I rolled to my side, clutching my head as the room literally spun.

“Ugh… what the hell,” I muttered, my voice dry and cracked. Even the reflection of light from the window felt like it could kill me. I just wanted to crawl under a rock right now.

Nyx’s voice ached in my head, laced with that smug tone she always had when she knew she was right and I was the one caught regretting. Told you it was a bad idea, but do you ever listen? No, she said, her voice sharp but with that concerned edge that was always there. If only you had listened, even if it was this time only. But you had to go drink your life out.

“Nyx, please, not now,” I whined in pain, squeezing my eyes shut. Every sound, every small fragment of light—it all affected me. It was too much to take.

Flashes of last night filled my head, but as fast as they came, that was exactly how they left. I couldn’t remember anything from last night. Even when I tried to, it just made my head hurt.

Everything was just blank.

My chest tightened. “What happened last night?” I whispered to Nyx, pushing up to sit. I wasn’t in last night’s clothes; I was in something clean, which only made it worse. I wasn’t even sure how the hell I got back to the packhouse.

Nyx sighed softly. You don’t remember anything after the third drink, so you—

“No,” I said quickly.

How could you? she scolded. You’re light-headed, Kaima. You don’t drink. Ever.

I rubbed my face, trying to force the memories back, but it was all foggy. Nothing was clear—just a blur.

I reached for my phone on the nightstand. The screen blurred, too bright, and I squinted when I saw the time.

“Shit. Crap.”

I was late. Really late.

Throwing the blanket off, I quickly rushed out of bed, almost tripping on my shoes. I yanked my hair into a messy ponytail and brushed my teeth—all in record time, I was done freshning up. I grabbed whatever clothes my hand landed on, my head still throbbing so badly, but I didn’t even care right now. The only important thing to me was getting to work.

I rushed down the hallway like there was literally fire on my heels, almost slipping at the last step before catching my breath. My heart was racing so fast—it was probably from the hangover and partly from the embarrassment.

And then I saw him.

Nathan.

He was standing near the door that led outside the packhouse, one hand resting on the pillar, the other casually tucked into his pocket. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, veins faintly visible, and that unreadable expression sat on his face—calm, controlled, but his eyes were searching as they landed on me.

My steps faltered, but I quickly straightened, memories of what I had witnessed last night came rushing back and my chest tightened. “What?” I asked, a little too sharply than intended.

His gaze moved over my body. “You should take the day off today, Kaima. You really had a long night yesterday,” he said, his tone soft.

I scoffed, brushing past him. “I’m fine.”

“Kaima—”

“I said I’m fine,” I snapped, not even looking at him. My head throbbed again, but I refused to let it show. I wasn’t going to let him pity me.

He sighed, his eyes following my every movement. “You’re still in pain, Kaima. You haven’t even eaten.”

“I don’t need you to tell me what I need,” I said, my voice low. “And I’m not taking the day off. I’m your personal assistant, so let me do my job.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment, I saw frustration flicker behind his eyes—that dangerous heat that made my heart stutter.

“Fine,” he said. “Let’s go, I guess.”

“I’m not riding with you,” I said too quickly.

He turned to look at me, confused. “What?”

“I’m not riding with you. I’ll figure out a way to get to the office.”

Something in his expression shifted, and I saw the undeniable hurt in his eyes. “Why are you being so stubborn?” he muttered.

“Glad you noticed,” I muttered under my breath, walking past him.

But as I brushed by, his scent hit me, that warmth spreading through my body again like a virus that wouldn’t stop. The scent made my chest tighten painfully.

Without looking back, I walked out of the packhouse, leaving him standing there. I could still feel his gaze burning through the back of my neck.

The air in the office was thick with tension, but I tried my best not to let myself get lost in it and just concentrate on my job. Nathan had no space in my heart—or it was I who didn't have any space in his.

After a while, I heard his voice low, like he wasn’t sure about whatever he was about to say.

“Hmm?” I replied, without lifting my head from the papers.

“What you saw between me and Elizabeth the other night…” he started, and I quickly cut him off, finally raising my head to meet his gaze across the room.

“The only thing I saw was the Alpha and his Luna. It’s none of my business whatever you choose to do with your mate.” I saw the hurt on his face, but why should he care?

I wished yelling at him would take away the hurt in my chest—it didn’t. I hated myself for letting myself feel this way for another woman’s mate.

He looked away, eyes drifting around the room before his voice came again. “Kaima… about the kiss—”

I cut him off again. “That kiss was a mistake. I felt it, you did too. It meant nothing,” I said, starting to get up from my chair.

“You don’t mean that.” he suddenly growled.

“I mean every word I say, Alpha Nathan,” I said, my voice icy cold. “That kiss was a mistake that never should’ve happened, and it will never repeat itself again.”

And with that, I headed out of the office, unable to face him, because I knew after that, I wouldn’t be able to face myself.

I should’ve felt relief. I should’ve felt peace.

But instead, I felt my heart bleed.

I paused as I got to the door, I turned briskly to face him, but I kept my gaze away from his.

“And Alpha Nathan, please can we return to professionalism.” It wasn't a question, it was a statement. 

I saw something flicker in his eyes, but I didn't wait to guess what. 

I turned and walk out before my heart could betray me again.