Going back home

GOING BACK HOME 

Scarlet 

Five years later 

“Suction,” I said calmly and the resident doctor beside me obeyed instantly, his gloved hands dropping the tools in my own bloodied hand.

The operating room was silent except for the steady beat of the monitors and my own voice when I occasionally instructed the doctors and nurses under me.

The tumor was aggressive, wrapped around critical brain tissue around like a vine. Beads of sweat broke out of my face and I immediately felt a nurse dab it away with a small towel.

“The tumors are out,” I announced three hours later, releasing a heavy sigh. “Close him up now.”

The room immediately exhaled collectively, while some group applauded me for another successful surgery yet again. I smiled back at them in gratitude and I walked tiredly back to my office after cleaning up.

I picked up my phone on the desk and as I checked the time, my eyes briefly met the picture on my desk. It was a single photo of my son, Jace with a wide toothed grin as he held up two superhero toys.

I smiled fondly at it before I began to pack up my things. It was already an hour before the closing time of his nursery school.

A knock suddenly sounded, and I glanced up to see Dr Kim entering with a big grin on her round face. I rolled my eyes fondly at her before returning to pack my things.

“What's it this time?” I asked with a mocking groan.

“Don’t sound so excited at my presence,” she said as she shoved me slightly and we both chuckled.

“Well, you won't believe what I just heard. The National Medical conference. They want you as a keynote speaker!” She screamed in excitement as she slapped an envelope on the table. "Do you understand what this means? You're thirty-one. The youngest chief neurosurgeon in the country! And now this?” 

I raised a brow as I picked up the envelope, pulling out the paper to read it .

She was correct. I was invited as the guest speaker for the National Medical conference. The one thing every doctor dreamed of achieving before they died. 

And this was it, staring at me when I was just thirty-one. A recognition everybody believed was impossible to achieve at such an age.

And then my eyes scrolled down, and my smile faded.

Minnesota, Minneapolis.

My old city.

“I can't." I dropped the paper on the desk and then grabbed my bag.

“What? What do you mean? This is literally what every doctor is fighting to get!”

“I just can't, Kim!” I turned to her with a glare. I grabbed KY phone from my desk and began to walk away but then she grabbed my hand and stopped me. 

“What's going on? And don't dare tell me it's nothing. I saw your face. You looked very excited to see it.”

“Doesn't it ring a bell? Minnesota? The same city I ran away from. The city my family is based in…the same people who tried to destroy me!” I snapped, my breath coming out heavily.

The realization suddenly hit her and she gasped. “Oh my! I'm so sorry, yes I do remember,” she quickly apologized. “But Scarlet—”

“No! There's no but. I'm not going back to that city. Not after everything I sent through. I won't let my son see the city that treated his mother like garbage. No, Kim!” I said as I tried to move away from her but she blocked me again and I glared at her.

“Listen to me, Scarlet. You can't keep letting these people come in between you and your dream. Whatever happened there– whoever hurt you, they don't get to take this way from you. I saw you bled for this.”

Her words struck me. “I know,” I sighed.

“Then go. Show them what you've become on your own. You started with nothing Scarlet, nobody to support you. Just you, pregnant and still struggling to go to a medical school while still taking menial jobs to survive. You're one strong woman, and I think the world needs to hear your story.”

I looked at the invitation again, the glitters scattered on the surface suddenly looking too good to turn away from. Kim was right. I had worked hard for this. I deserved whatever accolades were due, and I wouldn't let my past take that away from me.

I looked up at her with a proud and rejuvenated smile. “Okay.”

****

In the car, Jace chattered about his day—lunch, friends, and a boy who ate paste. I listened, smiling, but my mind was elsewhere.

Minneapolis, Minnesota.

"Mommy?"

I glanced in the rearview mirror. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Miss Chen said there's snow where Grandma and Grandpa live. The place with the big Christmas trees." His eyes were huge and hopeful. "Can we see snow? Reeaalll snooowww?" He drew the word.

I closed my eyes for a second and my hands tightened around the wheel.

He didn't know. He didn't know about my parents, about what they'd done, about why I never wanted to talk about them, though I let him have some information about them like where they stayed.

To him, grandparents were like a fairy tale. People that were just as protective as parents, but even more fun to be with.

"Maybe," I said carefully.

"Really?" He bounced in his seat. "When? Can we go for Christmas? Please?"

I looked at his face in the mirror—so excited, so innocent.

How could I deny such a happy face?

"We'll go for the Christmas festival.”

(Three Weeks Later)

The Festival - Evening

The Christmas festival was magical.

I stared around, noticing how everything - everywhere looked just the same. The happy people that scattered around the food joints, children claiming and dancing to the Jolly music. Everything was just the same as I had left it.

Everything but me. I was not the same as I had left.

I looked down to see my son's face was pure wonder. "It's like a movie!" He awed.

I relaxed, just slightly. 

‘This was good. We were making new memories here. Good ones,’ I tried to comfort myself but I couldn't help the stress that seeped into my skin.

We walked hand in hand, stopping at every display. He wanted to see everything—the ice sculptures, the carolers, the giant Christmas tree in the center square.

"Hot chocolate?" I offered his when I noticed the hungry look on his face.

"Yes!" He screamed in joy.

I laughed and bought two, and then we sat on a bench, sipping and watching the people pass.

“Is that your brother?” I jerked my head to see a strange man looking down at us.

“N-no, he's my son,” I said as I wrapped my arms around Jace protectively.

“Wow…you just look so young and beautiful. I hadn't expected he would be your son,” he quickly explained, noticing my behaviour. I kept quiet. “Well, I'm a photographer and I would like to take a picture of both of you. It's free for you.”

I almost wanted to say no—old instinct and wanting to stay invisible—but my son jumped up from his seat and began to pose.

"Please, Mommy?"

I didn't know when I burst out laughing. "Okay."

We stood together in front of the Christmas tree, my arm around him, both smiling. Snow had just started to fall—light and just perfect.

The photographer snapped the shot. "Beautiful! You can pick it up at the booth before you leave!"

Jace beamed. "We look like a movie family!"

“Yes, we do, baby.” I said as I watched the man disappear behind a canopy.

Then I heard Jace gasp, pointing to something. "Mommy! Mommy! Ice cream! In winter! That's so cool! Can I? Please?"

"It's freezing outside."

"But it's ice cream!"

I shouldn't have agreed to his request. I knew I had to learn how to say no to him sometimes, but this was just ice cream and the first time he was visiting. I couldn't bear to see him sad in a place he had always dreamed to visit. 

"Fine. But stay where I can see you, okay?"

"Okay!" He was already running toward the cart, about twenty feet away.

I watched him go, smiling. He was so fearless. So bright. 

Everything a man and woman would dream of seeing in a child. 

I sighed and I felt my phone rang. 

Dr. Kim.

I answered, my eyes still on my son. "Hey—"

"Did you finalize your keynote slides? The conference organizers are asking—" I looked down at my wrist watch for a second.

"Yes, yes I did. Everything's ready and I've also triple-checked—"

I glanced over at the ice cream cart. No. Jace wasn't there.

My heart skipped a beat. Oh my God!

"—the presentation timing and—"

I looked left. Right.

There was no familiar small figure in a blue jacket.

"I- I have to go, Kim” I hung up, not waiting for her reply.

Where was he? Where had he gone to?

"Jace?" I walked quickly towards the cart. "Jace!"

But he wasn't there and when I asked the vendor, he shook his head—"No, I didn't see no kid,” he responded in a strong Canadian accent.

My heart began to race, wondering where else he must have run to. Please baby. 

“Jace!" I shouted louder, ignoring the people that had begun to stare. I pushed through the crowd, spinning at every corner. Tears had begun to brim in the corner of my eyes, and when I felt one drop on my face, I wiped it off hastily.

God! How could I have been so careless?

"Jace! Baby, where are you?!" I sobbed as I ran through behind canopies, searching desperately for a mop of dark brown hair.

But I saw nothing.

The music was beginning to sound too loud. The crowd was too thick. Terror clawed up my throat and I felt my anxiety grip me in the stomach.

No. No, no, no—

"Jace!"

He was gone.

My baby was gone.