Chapter 3

Hmmm, is this what you call forever?

That you love me now and suddenly made me feel

Oh your eyes

It looks like a lie

Stop this sh-t and let me breathe.

So this song is all about a man who took a woman for granted as if she’s not aware of what he’s doing to her. I wonder how Katty made this song. Did she base it on her experience or someone’s experience? I’m confused right now.

Where ever you are,

I hate you and you can’t erase that.

I don’t want to see your face.

Please, don’t show up.

Gavin keeps on creating beats on his drum set using a drum stick. As far as I remember, the beats came from the snare drum, high tom, medium tom, bass drum, and crash cymbal. Sometimes, he used the ride cymbal and hi-hats if it is needed.

Good thing, I can’t see myself falling for you

Because if I do, I can’t imagine myself begging someone,

Crying for someone,

Trying to question my existence in this world.

A tear fell to Katty’s eyes the moment she sang that verse. She can feel it. She can imagine what she wrote. This is what I felt when I tried to make a song. Yes, it’s a big achievement whenever you finish a song but it’s so hard to sing it.

In every word, sentence, and even verse, you can feel the pain. It will stings inside your heart and leave a mark until your heart can’t handle the pain and broke into pieces.

Don’t show your face in front of me,

Don’t give me reasons to hurt you

Because I’m trying so hard not to hurt you.

I know your reasons.

Even if someday, when you finally healed and finally love yourself, those memories will still hunt you because it’s a nightmare that you wished shouldn’t happen. If a man can treat you right, believe me, she’ll get contented and treat you like the way you treat her.

But I ignored it and waited for you to speak up.

Now that you know, don’t.

Don’t say sorry to me.

I can’t forgive you.

Sorry, can’t fix everything. Once you accept their apology, it will be their hobby and they’ll keep on making such things that will offend or hurt you because in their minds, “I know she’ll forgive me even if I did something.”

Katty sighed and I clap my hands to give them applause because they deserve it. Even though I’m also a vocalist of this band, I’m not as good as Katty because when I first met them, they were originally four members.

I close my eyes and start creating scenarios in my mind. Me and my parents, having a good time. I can see the bright smile that forms on their lips. Their eyes are sparkling. My dad joke about something that makes us hold our tummy and catch our breath.

“Justin, stop those si-lly jokes,” Mom said and wipe her tears. I didn’t see that a while ago but I’m glad that I can see those smiles again in my mind. Even though it’s not real, at least I saw that again.

A long silence prevails when we can catch our breaths until my eyes dart at my parents who are now starting to fade. The place became black even if I try to roam my eyes, hoping to find a light, but it was no use.

“I finally found you,” a man said which make my eyes narrow. He slowly walk closer to me until I finally saw his face. The place became a castle and he’s now wearing white long sleeves that have different gold linings at the wrist and collar and are paired with black slacks. He’s also wearing different jewelry or accessories that make his attire luxury. His long black coat with a touch of gold colors was visible too. He’s also wearing white leather boots that match his white long sleeves.

My forehead creased when he said that. I don’t know if he’s talking to me or someone but the way he looks at me, I can see in his eyes that he’s longing for me. He reached for my hand without breaking our eye contact 

“You’re still beautiful even if-” He shook his head and bite his lower lip. My mind now is so confused. Even what? Why did he pause? I can’t understand it.

“Who are you?” A faint smile appeared on his lips as if he had already expected that question. Now that I’m staring at his face, I examine every angle of him.

He has freckles on his cheeks and a pointed nose. His black thick eyebrows are angled and his eyes are almond shape but when my eyes landed on his eyes, it is bloo-dy red which makes me confused. Is that a contact lens or not?

When my eyes landed on his lips, I’m mentally shocked. Why? Because he has cupid’s bow lip shape that exceeds my expectation. He’s so handsome. His jawline is well-defined. What kind of technique he did to achieve this kind of face? But his skin color, it’s so pale.

“I’m Felix Lazarus Crimson.” He bent down and placed his lips on the back of my palm.

“How did you-” My eyes widened when he starts to get blurred as if he was now fading.

“Wait!” I shouted but he didn’t hear me until he vanish in front of me.

I open my eyes and sat down on my bed, gasping for air. I didn’t remember myself falling asleep. I thought I was just staring at my ceiling. 

Crimson eyes. His face flashed in my mind, the way he smile and the way he said that he finally found me. What is he talking about? Have we met before? Because I can’t remember a single thing that we met.

But for some reason, I suddenly placed my hand on my chest with my eyes started to water, “Why am I crying?”