Viola

February passes in a blur of loneliness and self loathing. March rolls in, and I still haven't step outside my apartment. I rarely eat, because i need to lose weight. Body Image is something I have struggled with for years. I'm a young woman of 23, with a non-perfect body, witrh fiery red hair, strech marks all over my ass and thigh I hate it so much. My mother was beautiful, tall, with black hair that flowed to her waist, and an hour glass shape, she was an angel, I've always wanted a body like hers.My laptop rings, and absentmindly I click, hoping to see Dr. Chynna, but I see Danielle, looking at me with a wides smile. I met her almost ten years in Smallville, it took a while for her to trust me, and I was lonely, so I wanted friends. She was mourning the loss of her father and grandfather, and her mother left. She was in a bad place, but she let me in, ironically I didn't let her in. I kept up an image, a face, facade, it was impenetrable, no one knew the real me, and I think I br

"Vanilla, I've tried everything, Blu still won't slee -- Viola." Caden comes into view, and I gasp, then grin."Caden." I say, quietly, and he smiles at me, and in there I see acceptance and forgiveness, I just need to learn to accept and forgive myself.He sits beside his wife, then adjust the baby in his hand, so I get a full look, and I gasp. Lily Viola Blu in all her beauty, sucking her thumb like her life depends on it, she tilts her head my way and God, her eyes, big beautiful brown.I smile at her parents, seeing the life they've created, how far they've come makes my heart ache, it makes me long for something like that, something as beautiful, with no darkness----What I want is what I was, Slyvia Plath had written, and that's what I need, who I was, who I used to be. Long before life broke me, I used to be happy, I had my brother - Isaac, and bestfriend - Si, they were my center. My parents were disgustingly in love, life was beautiful, and I had everything I wanted. Then,

Viola Point of View"we accept the love we think we deserve"I nod at him, feeling relievd by his kindness, so I sit, which is when I see it - my scar. It is long, fills an entire side of my wrist, this makes me freeze, knowing it is out in the open for everyone to see, to see my ugliness.I am about to leave when he comes with a smile, placing everything before me."This is Beans on Toast, Pot Noodles, Bourbon Biscuit and some Scotch Eggs." He says, and I give him a shaky smile, happy when he leaves.I pick up the Beans on Toast, and nervously begin to eat, which is really awkward because I am trying to conceal my scar, I give up, instead, drop the bill, plus tip and leave.The next half an hour helps me find my way to Hyde Park. I stare round it, it is wide, so I raise my hand to shield my self from sunlight, then my bangles sparkle, I had to buy ten, five for each hand.Gingerly, I walk across the Park, staring at everyone, the Families, the Lovers, and realize how lonely I actuall