Chapter Two

February passes in a blur of loneliness and self loathing. March rolls in, and I still haven't step outside my apartment. I rarely eat, because i need to lose weight. Body Image is something I have struggled with for years. I'm a young woman of 23, with a non-perfect body, witrh fiery red hair, strech marks all over my ass and thigh I hate it so much. My mother was beautiful, tall, with black hair that flowed to her waist, and an hour glass shape, she was an angel, I've always wanted a body like hers.

My laptop rings, and absentmindly I click, hoping to see Dr. Chynna, but I see Danielle, looking at me with a wides smile. I met her almost ten years in Smallville, it took a while for her to trust me, and I was lonely, so I wanted friends. She was mourning the loss of her father and grandfather, and her mother left. She was in a bad place, but she let me in, ironically I didn't let her in. I kept up an image, a face, facade, it was impenetrable, no one knew the real me, and I think I broke her heart more when I tried to die.

I take in a shoky breathe, we haven't spoken in three months, I haven't spoken to any of them, my chest aches, and my lips quiver.

"My love, Happy New Month." She smiles, and I nod, unable to say a word. Danielle is beautiful, effortlessly, She is 24, and one of Italy's richest, she has come a long way.

"How are you?" She asks, despite my lack of response.

I swallow "I'm . . . peachy."

She breaks into a grin "I'm peachy too." I nod, feeling overwhelmed, and resisting the urge o slam my laptop shut, and cry.

"I moved in with Xavier," She says "Living with him is sweet, he keeps the toilet seat down and doesn't hog the sheets."

I manage a smile.

she is rubbing it in your face.

She's not, it's Danielle.

"That's nice." I say,

"I miss you, Viola." She blurts, and my eyes widen. "I know you asked for space, and we've given it to you but I can't stay away anymore, because I miss and love you, you are my soulmate, Vee, and I'm going to wait for you. I have to hold Xav down from visiting uninvited, he misses you, we all do, but take as much time as you need, we will always be here, whenever you are ready."

I nod, looking anywhere but her face.

"Viola?" She calls, and I look at her, doing a terrible job of keeping my tears at bay. I don't know what to say, I'm a writer, and I have no words.

"I love you. We love you." She smiles, and I burst.

"Thank you.' I say, and I slam the laptop shut, collapsing into a fit of tears, I fall to the ground, and I cry, because Danielle was every reason to stay, but somehow wasn't enough.

I cry for how I've turned out and how dissapinted my Mom will be, I cry cause I haven't spoken to my Dad in six months, because of how much of a coward I am. I fist my hands, place it on my chest and I cry

I hear a ping, and jolt awake guess I fell asleep crying. Cleaning the drool from my face, I remember and the sadness returns, it always does. I open my laptop and I see it's a message from Danielle, a song - Between Us, by Little Mix.

I listen to the song and all I can do is remember Nina, we sang this song in our condo, in Providence about two years ago. We all attended the same University, Fiona was in NYU for a while before she joined us. I met Nina few months to my twentieth birthday, and I immediately adored her, she was beautiful, snarky, kind, smart, she loved what she did and she loved her body, we were opposites and we were perfect, I thought I found my person, I really did, she was my bestfriend until she wasn't, now the memory of us dancing in my room to Little mix is tainted by the person she became.

I didn't recognize Nina, she was entierly different and it scared me how fast someone can change, love you now and hate you in the next second.

Suddenly, the laptop rings, and I'm startled.

"Fuck." I mutter as I see Chynna's name. Sitting upright, I click.

"Hello Clementine." She smiles, and I say nothing wanting this to to be as over as soon as possible.

"I've been a psychologist for the past ten years, and I've seen my fair share of people with attitudes and approaches toward, yours is not novel. However, over the course of our meeting, I've realized something, You're grieving."

"What?" I frown.

"I believe you are grieving, mourning." She says, amd my jaw is slacked from confusion.

"Now, what are you grieving, what loss?" She asks, amd I bite my lips in contemplation.

"I did just lose my bestfriend." I say, and she nods.

"Nina Crown, Do you think you're mourning the loss of your relationship with her?" She asks, and I shrug.

"How did it end?" She asks, sensing my hesitation.

I release a deep breathe, rub my palm over my face in frustration "She said I wanted too much, said I was choking her, and she wasn't living the life she wanted because of me." I say quietly, it never gets old, the pounding in my chest, and the nervous sweating of my palms.

"Do you think you wanted too much?" She asks, and I blink back tears, feeling the familiar ache.

"Perhaps I do, or not, I don't know." I wipe off a stray tear.

"I do not believe you are mourning her. She was your best friend and she left, do you think you played a part in that?"

"I don't understand." I say, frowning.

"Do you think you deliberately sabotage your relationship with Nina, because you think you don't deserve love?" She asks, and I feel the surpressed bubble of anger.

"Are you saying I made Nina leave, made her hurt me? She was my bestfriend, why will I sabotage it?" I snap.

.