When loving you meant losing me

The ultrasound room smelled like antiseptic and something faintly metallic. The walls were white—too white, I kept starring at the walls like it was comforting.The doctor’s chair creaked slightly as he adjusted the monitor. His face was unreadable, a practiced mask of neutrality, like he had delivered this news a thousand times beforeWell it was supposed to be a good news, that's why he delivered it with a smile on his face.But to me, this wasn’t routine. This was life-changing.The gel was cold against my skin, but I barely felt it. My fingers dug into the edge of the examination table, I gripped it thightly till my knuckles turned white, my heartbeat so loud it drowned out everything else.“You okay?” The doctor’s voice was calm, maybe he had read my body language or saw how tightly I gripped the bed.I nodded slowly, even though nothing about this felt okay, I tried so hard to control the tears that were welling at the back of my eyes.The room was silent except for the steady

Time crawled. I checked my phone for the hundredth time. Bianca had disappeared, and the hall was nearly empty. I replayed everything that just happened in my head over and over again That perfect opportunity, did I blow it, maybe I should have said something else My heart wouldn’t stop it erratic beating. What did I say, should I have said something else? A million conversations ran through my head, each more cringe worthy than the last. Hey, I noticed you standing there looking like a Greek god, and I’d like to volunteer as tribute? No. That would have sounded too desperate. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again? Absolutely not. No....no...no I groaned softly, gripping my pen so hard as if it was the reason for my frustrations. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, But I enjoyed it, I didn't know I had it in me You go girl, I gave myself a high-five. I tried to continue writing my note but my thoughts kept derailing. What if

I told myself it didn’t matter. That I wasn’t entitled to an explanation.I thought about it the whole time I was walking back home from school.He wasn’t my boyfriend.But no matter how many times I repeated it, the thoughts refused to settle. I knew what it meant for a guy like Jayden to spend the night at a girl’s house. The way he dismissed it so casually… was she just a fling?Or was I?My stomach twisted every time I thought about it.We weren’t dating, yet it still hurt like hell.I wasn’t waiting for his message. I told myself that over and over again. But each time I picked up my phone out of habit, of course—I found myself checking for his name.Nothing.Frustrated, I tossed my phone aside and tried to focus on something else. Anything else.Just when I was about to give up, my phone buzzed.His name lit up my screen.Jayden: Hey, what’s up?I stared at the message, a million thoughts racing through my mind. Was he texting me from her house? Had he just left? Or was she

My conversation with Jayden from the previous day echoed in my mind as I dressed for college. His voice had been softer than usual. What was it he said about being hurt before? About not wanting a relationship? Did he have a past he didn’t want to talk about? Or was he just not into women? I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I rummaged through my wardrobe, searching for the perfect outfit. I Wanted to look effortlessly stunning—school edition. If he saw me today, I wanted him to want me. Since it was Monday, I decided on a corporate look—a pair of wide-leg pants, a chic shirt, and sleek shoes. I put extra effort into my hair, glossed my lips generously, and when I looked in the mirror, I smirked. "Ooouwiii, that’s a hottie right there,” I murmured to myself. Who wouldn’t fall? My first class was at eight, then another at twelve. It was going to be a long day, but the thought of seeing Jayden made it better. When I stepped outside, Ava—my friend and neighbor—gasped.

Jayden jiggles the key before the lock finally gives in—the door swings open and we step in. The ambience is welcoming and warm, A studio apartment with a single bed—neatly made by the window. I quickly scan the room—the tiled floor is neat and not a single thing was out of place. Jayden lighly settles on the small of my back guiding me forward towards the bed— I sit on the bed suddenly aware—we are alone. "Let me help you with that" his fingers brush my neck as he slides my bag strap off my shoulders and place it on the table. Thumb.... My heartbeat hammered against my in cage. I could barely catch my breath. The bed dips under his weight as he sinks down be side me—close enough that our knees touch. I let out a laugh—. Starring at the wall— avoiding Jayden's eyes. I might do something stupid if I start into those tempting eyes that look like they wanted to pierce into my soul. "You don't have to pretend with me" his voice quiet "Feel at home" he says squints closer. I sudden