When loving you meant losing me

The ultrasound room smelled like antiseptic and something faintly metallic. The walls were white—too white, I kept starring at the walls like it was comforting.

The doctor’s chair creaked slightly as he adjusted the monitor. His face was unreadable, a practiced mask of neutrality, like he had delivered this news a thousand times before

Well it was supposed to be a good news, that's why he delivered it with a smile on his face.

But to me, this wasn’t routine. This was life-changing.

The gel was cold against my skin, but I barely felt it. My fingers dug into the edge of the examination table, I gripped it thightly till my knuckles turned white, my heartbeat so loud it drowned out everything else.

“You okay?” The doctor’s voice was calm, maybe he had read my body language or saw how tightly I gripped the bed.

I nodded slowly, even though nothing about this felt okay, I tried so hard to control the tears that were welling at the back of my eyes.

The room was silent except for the steady beeping of the monitor.

“There it is,” the doctor said, tilting the screen toward me.

I stared, my stomach twisting into knots. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, a part of me was happy, I could feel the connection.

I wanted to keep this baby, I wanted to protect my baby.

“That’s your baby, alive and healthy” he continued. “10 weeks along. Strong heartbeat.”

"We can't hear the heart beat for now but if you look closely you can see the heartbeat"

A lump formed in my throat. My baby.

The words felt unreal. Heavy. I swallowed hard, my nails pressing into my palm. I had suspected it for weeks, but hearing it from the doctor was different. It made it real.

Ten weeks.

My chest tightened. Two months ago, I thought I had gotten over this. The delay had fooled me. The silence had reassured me. But I had been wrong.

Maybe this was a second chance, I told myself silently.

Maybe this could fix everything, this could be a turning point in our relationship.

“You won’t be able to tell the gender yet,” the doctor continued. “But everything looks good. The baby is growing well.”

Growing. Inside me.

I should’ve been happy. Should’ve smiled, maybe even cried. But all I felt was this crushing weight on my chest, making it impossible to breathe.

Would Jayden be happy? What would be his reaction? Would this drive a wedge between us

We barely reconciled after a huge groundbreaking argument, now this, it seemed like we had no rest, even for a second

This relationship had become a rollercoaster

The thought sent a shiver down my spine. Things weren’t the same between us anymore. The long calls turning into cold silences. The tension. The forced smiles. The weirdness

The space between us widening every day. It felt like we were drifting apart there by day and I could see the end approaching.

What if he didn't care about the child, would he be a good dad, what did this mean for us

I barely heard the rest of the doctor’s words. He muttered something about vitamins. Getting rest. Being careful. I nodded, but my mind was miles away.

When I finally stepped outside, the hospital doors slid shut behind me, but it still felt like I couldn’t breathe. The sun was too bright. I slowly began walking towards the hospital gate.

I pulled out my phone, my fingers slick with sweat as I scrolled to my sister’s contact. I needed to tell someone—someone who wouldn’t feel like a stranger on the other end of the line.

She picked up after two rings. “Sharon? Why are you calling me during work hours? You okay?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Silence.

Then a sharp intake of breath. “What?”

“I just came from the hospital,” I whispered. “Twelve weeks.”

More silence. Then, “Does Jayden know?”

“No,” I admitted. “I wanted to tell you first.”

She exhaled slowly. “How do you feel?”

I let out a breathy, bitter laugh. “Like I can’t breathe, I feel like my life just turned upside down.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Do you think he’ll be happy?”

That question felt like a punch to the gut. Thus same question was what I asked myself since I can out of the doctor's office

“I don’t know.”

Another pause. “Where are you?”

“Outside the hospital.”

“I can’t leave where I am right now, but—” She hesitated. “Call me after you tell him, okay?”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “Okay.”

The call ended.

I stared at Jayden’s name on my screen. My heartbeat pounded in my ears.

What if he doesn’t want this?

I pressed the button.

The phone rang. Once. Twice.

“Hey,” he answered, his voice casual, like he wasn’t expecting anything unusual.

I swallowed hard. “Jayden…”

A pause. “What’s wrong?”

I exhaled shakily. “I just got out of the hospital.”

Silence. Then, “Hospital? Are you okay?”

I closed my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

Another silence. This one heavier.

“Jayden?”

“You sure?” His voice was quieter now, unreadable.

“Yes.” My grip tightened on the phone. “ten weeks.”

A deep breath on his end. “Sharon… just calm down, okay? Don’t stress yourself.”

Don’t stress myself?

I let out a short, sharp laugh, but it sounded more like a choked sob. My chest ached. I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.

“Jayden,” I whispered, “say something.”

There was a time when calling Jayden felt easy. When I didn’t have to second-guess his reactions or brace myself for disappointment.

I remembered the way he used to press his lips against my forehead whenever we parted, the way he’d pull me close and say, “Are you okay baby?” Like I was something precious, something so fragile he wanted to protect at all cost.

I remembered laughing until my stomach hurt, his voice teasing, “You know you love me,” and my automatic response—“Maybe.”

But now… now, I wasn’t sure he did.

I wasn’t sure if I did either.

I just… I wasn’t expecting this.” His voice was careful, like he was trying not to set off a bomb.

Neither was I.

“I need time,” he finally said.

Time? Time for what exactly?

The weight of his words settled in my chest like a stone.

Of course, he needed time. But I didn’t have the luxury of pretending this wasn’t happening.

I was already living it. I couldn't run away from it like he did

“I just—” He sighed. “We’ll talk, alright? Just relax. Breathe.”

Breathe.

That was all he had to say?

My vision blurred at the edges. I took a shaky step forward, but the ground tilted beneath me.

“Sharon?” Jayden’s voice snapped into focus. “Are you okay?”

“I—” My knees buckled. I stumbled, grabbing onto a nearby railing.

“Sharon!” His voice sharpened. “What’s happening?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t know. I feel… dizzy.”

A rustling sound on his end. “Where are you?”

“The hospital,” I managed. “Just stepped out.”

“Stay there,” he ordered. “I’m coming.”

But Jayden wasn’t in town.

The realization hit me like a gut punch, but I barely had time to process it before my grip slipped.

My sister’s voice rang from the phone still clutched in my hand. “Sharon? Are you still there?”

I tried to answer, but the words wouldn’t come.

The last thing I heard was my name being shouted from both ends of the line—Jayden’s voice sharp and the nurses screaming.

Thud..... I landed on the floor and everything faded to black