About a week later...I never liked Monday, it was always the most tiring and boring day of the week, but this Monday I can say it’s the worst of my life, I felt bad for missing the service last week, but I’m already feeling terrible for so many things.This morning I decided to stop having ice cream, since in seven days I ate six pots, perhaps this is a little worrying. Now I’ll just stay in the brigadeiro, it may not be healthy, but at least I gave a diverse menu.Tásia tried to call me a few times, but I ignored how I was doing, I ignored the messages too, which have already passed three hundred, apparently she has plenty of time when the work ends. The company called me too, but I did not see it, since I did not even get the right phone. I even thought about returning, but gave up as soon as I dialed the number.I’m gonna shove another brigadeiro spoon in my mouth while I watch Chris Evans shirtless on TV. God forgive me, but damn it, what a hot man, I could stare for hours withou
After a troubled conversation with Cassian, I leave the room and Tásia waits for me with both hazelnut eyes very attentive. She looks like my neighbor, the owner Marta is so gossip, that if doubt she knows a gossip before it happens.- How was it? He fired you?She asks with palpable distress in her voice, almost smiling at her concern.- No, I begged him to stay, I think he took pity on me.I lie to my face and almost feel my nose grow.- You have no idea the relief I’m feeling, this company is not the same without you.Tásia smiles and I reciprocate. I approach her and hug her, I feel like Judas himself now, but I need to enjoy while I still have her friendship. Anastasia’s hug is so warm, it feels like the hug my mother gave me when I was little. I feel welcomed in it.- Now I need to leave, I’ll go back to work tomorrow.I talk after I get away from the warm hug.- All right. See you tomorrow, see if you can take my calls.Her eyes get serious, but I know she only cares about me.
Today the day started complicated, when I was leaving home my shoe spoiled and I remembered that I did not take the clothes from the clothesline. Detail, it snowed all night and the clothes didn’t dry properly, missing having a dryer. I wore a very warm outfit and went to work, but the subway was closed due to bad weather, so unfortunately I had to go to work by taxi...........Now I’m rubbing the bathroom floor with my hands freezing. I’ve cleaned the hallway and the boss’s room, at least that. It’s past eleven o'clock and now is lunch time, I have to finish the bathroom before, I still have to dust the hallway, after doing this I will be free and just need to pretend I’m working until one in the afternoon.After half an hour of fighting, I finish the bathroom. I rub my hands on each other and try to put on warm gloves, sigh in approval and sit in the vent for a few moments, my legs are aching from kneeling to scrub the floor. When I feel that my legs are no longer hurting, I get up
The week passed quickly, as always. The days for me are the same, my life has become a fucking routine, so when it finally comes Friday night I just want to throw myself in bed and cry myself to sleep. It’s hard to try to find yourself again after so much time lost inside myself, after being trapped in a world where no woman should stay. It’s so dark and scary...The worst thing is that for years I thought I was guilty of everything, that my attitudes led me to live that way, I had no one to help me. I moved away from my friends and my parents, I had nothing and no one, it was just me and Ethan, but in fact it was always me and me.I wipe my tears and try to push away those thoughts that only give me trigger. I hear my phone beeping and I remember I have an appointment with Cassian. Damn mouth that only brings me confusion and trouble, if I had stayed silent I would not have to lie to him again. I hate lies, but they are now part of my life. I unlock the phone screen and see the notif
I run to the shooting booth and stop in front seeing some people shooting at the targets to win the gifts, some children are around looking amazed at a game that practically only serves to get money, since many people have a bad shot. The toy is beautiful and bright, the counter is worn, but in compensation the targets are well maintained, they must be changed every month. The targets are colorful fish made with wood, they are so cute that it makes you want to take it home. I look at the corner of the tent and the gentleman behind the counter looks grumpy, since he does not open a smile.Cassian stops by my side and crosses her arms looking at people playing. I fake a false cough to attract his attention and when I can I put my hands behind my back smiling. The time has come to twist the truth.— Alison has great aim. Once we went to an amusement park and stayed for hours at target shooting, we left there with so many gifts that on the way we even gave some to the children, they were
Saturday is usually the best day of the week for me. I can do nothing, watch a movie, sleep and eat. This Saturday I decided not to eat candy, since I threw myself in the sweets yesterday, but what could I do? I was caring for my inner child and children do not care about healthy eating.I sit at my small dining table with my bread and milk with warm chocolate milk, there is no better breakfast than this, it gives even a satisfaction to feel the bread and milk in your mouth at the same time. While as I watch the morning news, most of the news is sad, but it’s always good to stay informed of things that happen in the city I live in, especially living in Toronto which is a huge city.I’m taken from my first relaxing moment in the morning with my phone ringing. I think about not answering, since I think it’s fucking rude to call people in the morning, they do not know that this is a sacred time and deserves respect? But when I see that it is Anastasia, I think it is better to answer, I r
It’s been a while since I left home to enjoy a movie or simply take pictures at the mall. Ethan says I wouldn’t even be able to prostitute myself on the street, since no man would want such a thin woman with such an ugly body. At first, I believed he said it just to try to attack me when we fought, who does not speak shit at the time of anger?! But now I realize that he really thinks these things and it makes me want to die, I wanted to be good enough for his love. I know it seems like I protect him, even after the assaults, but he was once a good man. At first he helped me with the lack of money and my problem with self-esteem, this should count as something good. I fell in love as soon as I looked into his beautiful green eyes, his black shoulder-length hair enchanted me, the pose he had was confident and quite attractive, his skin was so white that when I smiled at him I could notice the red coloring on his cheeks. In high school, I suffered a lot of racism, since I was the only
Ethan lies in bed and ignores me, as he always does. I take a deep breath again trying falsely to stay calm, but I’m tired of it all. The anger makes me totally uncontrolled to the point of making me have the courage to face it, which I never did out of fear. Even though it is not a good idea, deep down a voice tells me that I should have faced it long ago.— Tomorrow I will buy clothes and there is nothing you say that will stop me! I am a woman and I can go wherever I want and whenever I want, I get tired of you holding me at home. I speak with determination and cross my arms under my breasts, tired of being treated worse than dog. The man gets up from the bed and comes at me with wide steps. I widen my eyes and try to run when I realize what he will do, but I am pulled by my hair hard and my body falls to the ground. I try to get rid of the squeezing thrashing and ignoring the strong pain in my scalp, but the first slap catches me by surprise and makes one side of my face burn. Th