Chapter 2

Rapturous Wildfire

Iiwan ko na sana siya sa kanyang tabi ngunit marahas niyang hinapit ang aking baywang dahilan kung bakit napabalik ako sa kanyang dibdib. His hand snaked actively around me. I tensed up. I get nervous whenever he gets tactile. Kahit pa talaga anong gawin kong sanay sa sarili kong maging kumportabke sa kanya, parang hindi ako nasasanay. Halos mapatili ako sa ginawa niya. Tuyong napalunok ako sabay taas noo ko siyang hinarap. His gaze an unspoken question. Naningkit ang kanyang mga mata and were gradually overwhelmed by a more intense complexity of emotions. As I notice a smidgeon of fury on his face, isang alon ng panginginig ang gumapang sa aking gulugod na nagresulta ng pagtindig ng mga balahibo sa likod ng aking leeg. Sa lamig ay halos manginig ako. Mabilis ang hininga niya at madilim ang kanyang mga mata. I could even feel his heavy breathing. Naghuhuramentado na ang dibdib ko sa anong sali-salimuot na aking nararamdaman pero hindi ko iyon ipinapahalata. Kung kanina'y nakakalunok pa ako, ngayon hindi na. Kung hindi man, nanunuyo na ang lalamunan ko. I'm afraid. Insanely afraid. And that's what makes it fun!

Maya't maya'y mahigpit na hinawakan niya ang aking palapulsuan at ipinako niya ako pabagsak sa kama! Isang hindi pamilyar na pakiramdam na hindi ko alam na mayroon pala ang kumalat na parang apoy sa paningin ng kanyang nagliliyab na mga mata. Akyat baba ang aking dibdib sa bigat ng mga paghinga. I mustered a cold stare habang naglalapit ang aming mukha. Nakadagan ang buong katawan niya sa akin na ginawa nitong higit na nagpapakawala ng pakiramdam sa lamig. Dumampi sa labi ko ang mainit niyang hininga. His arm impregnated with the smell of tabacco. Mas lalong lumalim ang paghinga ko lalo na nang bumagsak ang kanyang tingin sa aking labi. Umawang ang kanyang labi, tila gustong tikman ang akin. Agad kong tinikom ang bibig ko para pigilan siya kaya naman bumalik ang kanyang tingin sa aking mapurol na mga mata. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko na siya magagawang pigilan kapag nagpatuloy pa ito. 

"Cosimo now really? How can you be so brazen?" nanggagalaitang tanong ko bago itinulak ang kanyang dibdib. Tila bakal iyon na ayaw paawat. 

"You're batshit crazy!" sigaw ko. I whacked his chest many times with my eyes wide open. Fvcking hell, I wouldn't let this crazed jerk do anything unspeakable to me! However, I was rendered immobile on the spot, the flame that was brewing inside me strengthening its grasp on me when his fingertips caressed my cheek as he yanked a few strands of my hair off my lips. I curses incessantly in my head. He goes on sniffs me, much to my confusion, and licks my chick and savor the taste that made my heart race! Napakurap ako ng ilang beses. Sinubukan kong ibuka ang aking bibig upang huminga ng isang utos, ngunit kalaunan ay isinara ko itong muli.

With that whiskey breath, he uttered, "You're hurting me."

"I invested in teaching you for months now... Saiyo lang ako," bulong niya sa leeg ko habang pinapaulanan niya ito ng mabagal at nakakakiliti na mga halik. I simply looked at the ceiling plainly, there was no human hue in my pale cheeks. 

Like a bullet from a rifle, "Patayin mo ako, at walang iba kundi ako. Killing someone like me doesn't count as a murder. Do not kill anyone else, including yourself," he growled as he lavished every greedy kiss down my collarbone onto my neck. Tuluyang pumikit ang aking mga mata habang dinadama ang haplos ng kanyang halik. How intoxicating...

Ngumiti ako at marahan na ring yumakap sa kanyang batok. "I'll actually kill you," banayad kong wika. Dumiin din ang hawak niya sa akin. So intimately, so tangible and so passionate. Mas lalo akong hindi nakawala.

"You probably would. I'm prepared for that."

Flame. It is an apt description of him. You can tread on him or douse him, regardless of the outcome, he won't be extinguished. He gets stronger the more you try to squash him. His heart is unbreakable. From thunder to lightning in a bottle to keeping on burning to keeping me ablaze. Locking fire within a bottle is impossible to control. And that's right...

Someone as perilous, tainted and flawed as you. You're screwed up and still be brilliant.

I come to a halt at the vanity and sat in the chair as my eyes strolled over my face vacantly in the mirror. I then takes the brush out of the drawer. Natapos na akong maligo kaya nagbihis na lamang ako at si Cosimo naman ay nasa banyo pa, naghahanda para pumasok na sa kanyang trabaho. I donned my white off shoulder blouse with puffy shoulders and a faded denim short skirt that hugged my perfectly round botty to my wafer-thin waist and highlighted my glossy long legs at ipinares sa tanging footwear na meron ako iyong platform wedge slides na puti din. Noon lang, sinimulan kong inastaylan ang maalon at matalbog kong kayumangging buhok na mayroong marubdob na istilo ng makinang at seksing mga kulot in a messy half ponytail look habang matiyagang hinihintay si Cosimo na lumabas galing sa banyo.

Malinaw kong naaalala ang pinakahuling bagay na natatandaan ko. Taga Palaui Island ang Mommy ko. Si Daddy naman ay laking Maynila. Ayon sa aking ama, she eventually gets the break she aspired for even before she gets to enjoy that freedom, she passes away after giving birth to me a few weeks later of heart problems. As a result, she was not present during my childhood. Matapos itong maalala, my mother's death didn't impact me much, nor did it leave a big, lasting scar. Nag-iisang anak nina Lolo at Lola si Mommy kaya walang ibang magmamana ng kanilang ancestral house sa Palaui Island. I was homeschooled for a long period, and my Daddy simply entrusted me to a primary caretaker. My childhood before the incidents was also anything but bright. It's possible that my memory is inaccurate or greatly exaggerated. 

Si Daddy ay isang taong mahilig manigarilyo. I remember the moment, the exact moment where he always lounging outside smoking. Sa totoo lang, hindi kailanman ako kumontra o nakipagtalo sa bisyo na ito, sa halip ay lubos kong naunawaan ito dahil alam kong hindi niya ako pakikinggan kapag tumutol ako sa bagay na ito. He also enjoys it so I can't really do anything. Gamit ang aking gintong lighter, I always light his Gurkha Black Dragon Cigar as he reads magazines or the papers, or tells the same tale over and over in our manicured lawn while sipping Black Cristal as well. It's the unfettered lifestyle of a dandy. Getting high as he fight for the things that he hold dear. Booze all day long and we talk 'til dusk. It's all he got to keep himself sane. That's the way my father made his life an art. Naaalala ko din ang sandali, ang eksaktong sandali na lagi ko siyang kasama, whether it's at a horse show, sunning or skiing in the Alps, or cruising the coastline on a private yacht. Sa pamamagitan lamang nito, my father's passing really breaks my heart.

This memories are one that I'd never want to relive. I was about nine at the time and malamang na nakilala ko na si Cosimo Pantaleone.

Paglabas niya ay tumuwid ako sa pagkakaupo at nasilayan ko kaagad mula sa repleksyon sa salamin ang kabuuan ng hubad niyang malapad na dibdib at kakarampot na puting tuwalya lamang ang saplot sa ibabang bahagi nito na halos kaonting hibla na lang ang kapit sa isa't-isa. My gaze was immediately soared to his magnificently chiseled chest until his v-line. Isang hawi lang niyan, mahuhubadan na siya. Water dripping down from the side of his face, he pulled out a towel and gave his head a quick rub. Nagtama ang tingin namin ng bahagya ko iyong inangat. My stomach does hundreds and thousands of flips. Tumikhim ako.

With his clothing on, he appears ridiculously, mighty attractive. Pero ang makita na sa ganyang ayos lang siya ngayon ay ibang klase. I assumed, for a moment, that I was seeing some sort of hallucination, and I was quite pleased with myself for conjuring up such a perfect male specimen. He was tall, with a more distinguished build, broad shoulders and chest, and a lean waist, and his beautifully tanned skin looked smooth. Noon pa man, alam kong maganda ang hubog ng katawan niya pero nang nasilayan ko na ng harap-harapan ngayon, iba pa rin talaga. He was the most exquisite specimen of a man I had ever seen. Ang ganyan kaperpektong pangangatawan ay hindi nga naman dapat ikinakahiya. He could go around naked and irksome buggers will still kiss the ground he walk on!

Tahimik kami sa loob ng bahay. Dumiretso na muli siya sa banyo pagkatapos makakuha ng damit sa kanyang aparador. Parang doon lang ako nakahinga pagkapasok niya. Sapo ang aking dibdib ay nagpakawala ako ng isang mahaba at mabigat na buntong hininga. Hindi nagtagal ang kanyang pagbibihis. Isang karaniwang puting t-shirt at faded jeans paired with black caterpillar boots ang suot niya. Napansin ko, he enjoys twinning up with me—in more senses than one. Cosimo, you really are adorable, huh?

Nang mailagay nito ang strap ng shoulder bag niya sa kabilang balikat while donning on a pair of late '80s style of eyeglasses, with the enormous, thick-rimmed lenses and black frames as thick as copper tubing on his exquisite nose at walang pasabing iniwan niya ako sa aking tabi ay agad naman akong tumayo sa aking kinauupuan bago siya sinundan para ihatid siya palabas na madalas kong gawin. Walang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa pero nang nasa labasan na kami ng aming munting bahay ay maagap siyang tumigil with his hand on the knob upang muling paalalahanan ako. His gaze holding mine.

"Kahit anong mangyari ay panatilihin mong sarado ang pintuan kapag ikaw ay mag-isa lamang—" Ang kanyang mga salita, gayunpaman, ay naputol bago niya pa ito natapos.

I snorted, "Sa tingin mo may mananakit sa akin?" I purred, interrupting Cosimo, "Good gracious. Me? It'll probably be the other way around." I simply grinned my wolf-like leer.

"Even so, keep it locked. You said scary things can happen when you let your guard down," banayad na wika ni Cosimo habang nakapamulsa ang isang kamay at tinatanaw ako na parang may interesanteng serye sa mukha ko. His words crest like the white of a tidal wave resolves with ecstasy and fire, an instantaneous flurry of unwavering love and mayhem. How could he assault my heartbeats in such a frightening yet simple way? Ilang sandali akong natulala sa kanyang mukha ngunit naputol lang ito nang kalaunan ay napansin na nagmumukha akong tanga kaya bumitaw ako ng isang "ahem" para malinisan ang aking lalamunan at nagpakawala ng mahaba at pagod na buntong-hininga. I then raked my hair back with my fingers and over my body like a Land Rover.  

"You know, Cosimo... I'm starting to get a little upset. You haven't forgotten about my birthday or anything, right?" pag-iiba ko ng aming pag-uusap. I retain my eyes fixed ahead, as if it were made of steel and cold as an ice field. Dahan-dahan niyang sinapo ang kanyang ulo nang napagtanto niya. Bilang resulta, uminit ang aking pisngi matapos ay pinagkrus ko ang aking dalawang kamay sa aking dibdib. Jesus, Cosimo, how daft can you possibly be? Hindi ako makapaniwala pero I suppose there were so many things going on over the weekend that he completely forgot. 

"Ya claimed it would be too irritatingly irksome to figure out my actual birthday, kaya itinakda mo ito bilang ika-21 ng Hunyo, remember? This year's birthday wasn't like any other. My 18th birthday is approaching, and I'm starting to feel my age! That's a big deal. Knives and arrows are no longer appealing to me. Ngayong taon, gusto kong makatanggap ng aktwal na regalo," I seethed while he opted to stay still and silent.

"Say you'll give me all of you—" 

However, before I can continue, my sentence was cut off nang itinaas kaagad ni Cosimo ang kanyang mga kamay para patahimikin ako. Lumapit pa siya sa akin. Ngayon ay hindi na ako umatras. At kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay may pamumungay na ang mga mata nito habang pinapalupot niya ang kanyang isang braso sa aking bewang at ang isa naman ay sa aking batok at hinigit ako palapit sa kanya for a big kiss. Palihim na umirap ako dahil dito sabay suminghap ako at hinayaan na lamang siya sa kanyang gusto. He's being silly.