CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT

PLEASURE ME, DADDY

BOOK THREE

VIOLET POV

My stupid pumps aren’t cut out for this weather. Cold water squelches between my toes, and my breath is misty, wet hair like frozen straw against my cheeks. I can hardly see through the rain.

      Damn my birthday for being so late in November.

      Damn me for not thinking harder about my wardrobe choices.

I wasn’t planning on being out this late, eighteenth birthday or not. I’m dressed for a quick coffee on a cloudy afternoon, not for clubbing through a stormy evening – leggings and a strappy cami under a fluffy teal cardigan that holds more rain than it keeps out. This stupid scenario is all Maggie Connor’s fault, insisting it wouldn’t be a proper birthday celebration unless it involved getting trashed in some sleazy club in the backstreets of Brighton. We’ll have a great time, she said, just a bus ride and a couple of drinks, she said. Who knows, you may even meet someone hot and finally ditch the V card, she said.

      I have no intention of trading my virgin status for a drunken fumble in a back alley with some random person who barely knows my name.

And now she’s bailed on me, typical Maggie Connor’s style. Last I saw of her she was lip-locked with some vest-top-clad hipster with thick-rimmed glasses. Then she was gone, off in a puff of tequila-scented pheromones for some bump and grind at hipster-guy’s pad, no doubt. Regular, except she still has my phone, purse and keys in her handbag for safekeeping.

      My own stupid fault for believing for one single second she’d take care of them. Nothing is safe with Maggie Connor after a couple of tequilas, despite what she’ll have you believe.

      I root through my sopping pockets, nothing there but a couple of soggy cigarette papers.

      Idiot, I’m such an idiot.

      I have no real plan for getting home to Newhaven. It’s the best part of a ten-mile hike, and the odds of making it back without either succumbing to hypothermia or stumbling into the sea are slim to nil. I’m sure I should be more freaked out than I am, but I feel strangely nonchalant. Actually, it’s more numb than nonchalant. Maybe I’ve had a few too many tequilas myself, or maybe it’s the unfortunate fact that I have nobody who cares enough to realise I’m stranded all alone without a penny in my pocket.

  The fact that Maggie Connor is my best friend and the only real person who gave a shit about my birthday says it all. Even if I do make it home tonight, there’ll be nobody there. Mum’s away again, off in France with her latest conquest. Gabriel, he’s called. He works over there, doing up properties for rich folk, giving Mum the illusion that she’s one of them, and that’s all she’s ever wanted. That and a man who’ll stick with her longer than it takes to shoot his load. So far so good with Gabriel, six months and going strong. At least she remembered my birthday enough to send a text this year.

 I think I’m heading for the sea front, I hope I’m heading for the sea front. They have bars there that stay open all night, maybe I can find somewhere to hang out until morning, somewhere vaguely warm to pass the time until I figure something out – except I don’t have my ID, that’s in Maggie Connor’s handbag, too. Even if I had some money for a drink, nobody ever lets me buy one without an ID. I still get half-fare on public transport, that’s how young I look. Maggie Connor says it’s because I’m so blonde. You look like one of those creepy porcelain dolls, she says, but prettier. I guess that’s supposed to be a compliment.

 Maybe I should try to find a police station, explain my sorry situation and hope they’ll let me stay until morning. Maybe I could face the ten-mile hike home when the sun comes up, if it ever stops raining. Maybe I could find a way to break in at home, or I could head over to Maggie Connor and wait for her to resurface, give her a piece of my mind for leaving me up shit creek on my own birthday without so much as loose change to my name. Maybe her parents will be home, maybe they’ll let me dry off and wait it out in her bedroom.

 My numb feet splash through a puddle and it turns out they aren’t as numb as I thought. My teeth are chattering, arms folded tight, my wet cardigan so cold against my skin that it feels like an ice bath. Everything seems darker here. I can’t hear any distant bass from nearby clubs, just the occasional drone of a car and the drumming of the rain. The streets are narrow, a rat run of back alleys, wheeled bins piled high with crap. It smells rancid, and even though the dim lighting and the rain make it damned near impossible to get my bearings, I’m sure this isn’t the way to the sea front. I haven’t got a clue where I am or where the hell I’m going.

      Shit, shit and more shit.

For the first time through this sorry mess I feel fear creeping up my spine. I’m out of my depth, and the tequila is wearing off fast. Way too fast.

      My nerves are chattering worse than my teeth. I would kill for a cigarette, just to take the edge off, and as I turn the corner I may be in luck. A solitary figure is propped in a shadowy doorway. He’s wearing a hoodie, so I can hardly see his face, not that I’m looking. I’m far too focused on the glow of the cigarette between his fingers.

      “Hey,” I say, smoothing back the wet hair from my face. “Could you spare me a smoke?”

      He stares at me, I can feel it, but I can’t see his eyes in the shadows. He’s big, much bigger than me. He smells of weed and stale body spray mixed with sweat, but right now none of that matters.

      I launch into a monologue, telling him my name’s Violet, and how I was out with a stupid friend who took my phone and keys with her when she left. I tell him it’s my birthday, that I’m having the crappiest night of my life and he’d make it just a little bit better if he’d please give me a cigarette. I realise how stupid I sound, how weak my voice is. How weak I feel.

      How alone I feel.

But I’ve felt alone for longer than I can remember, this shit’s nothing new.

      He hands me the cigarette from his fingers, and even though it makes me feel a bit icky, I take it from him.

      “Thanks.”

      “Past your bedtime from the look of you,” he grunts. His voice is thick and raspy, and it makes me feel uneasy.

      I press myself against the wall, trying to hide from the downpour and protect the cigarette.

      “Everyone says that.” I take a long drag. “I’m eighteen. Perfectly legal, at least from today. Yesterday. It’s not even my birthday anymore. Talk about celebrating in style, things can only get better, right?”

      My stupid giggle and attempt at humour seem to go right over his head. He grunts again. Perfectly legal. I regret my choice of words.

      I keep puffing away, looking at the floor, concentrating on nothing but the welcome rush of nicotine.

      “All alone, then?” I can hear the sneer in his tone. He has an accent, a hint of cockney. It’s gruff and deep and laced with the underbelly of this place.

I realise the fine hairs on the back of my neck are standing up and it’s not from the cold. I realise I’m in a dark street with nobody around besides a man who makes me feel like a mouse in a trap.

      I force a smile, gesture aimlessly at the road ahead. “My friend will be with me soon,” I lied. “She’s coming back, such a ditz.”

      He laughs. “You just said she’d bailed. Make your mind up.”

      “Figure of speech,” I lied again. “She’ll be back… anytime now…”

      “Sure she will.” He takes a step towards me and I take a shuffle back. “You can drop the lost little girl shit.”

      “Sorry?” I keep my smile bright, even though my heart is thumping like a bastard.

      “How much for the work?” I feel his eyes on me, all over me. He takes another step my way. “How much for a go on that cute little ass? Don’t be shy now.”

      “But I’m not…” I drop the cigarette. “I’m not a…” My eyes are wide, but I still can’t see him. “My friend’s coming right now… she’s on her way…”

 He nudges the door behind him, and the stench of weed hits me. “Come up, get warm. I’ve got weed, or stronger shit, whatever you want. You’d like that, right? I bet you ain’t so fucking innocent as you look.” I can hear his smirk in his voice.

 I shake my head. “She’ll be here soon, and I’m really not… I shouldn’t be here…”

      “I bet you make a fucking fortune with that nice little girl shit.”

      “I’m not playing…” I move away from him, but back into one of the wheeled bins. Cardboard boxes fall to the floor and make me jump.

 He laughs louder. “Come on, baby girl, don’t be such a fucking tease.” His voice is leery, drunk. “Bet you sound real fucking nice when you’ve got a nice hard cock in your snatch.”

 My back is pressed tight against the bin, and he’s close, too close. His breath is in my face. It stinks. He stinks. He smells musty and rank, like one of mum’s old boyfriends… the window cleaner with the black tooth… the one who slipped his hand between my legs when we were watching Disney and never came over again…

      “You want this… I want this…” His horrible laugh is right in my ear. I feel his lips on me. “You’ve got me all worked up, baby girl… you owe me for the smoke… you owe me now… what are you gonna do about it?”

      I look around, trying to catch sight of an exit, but there isn’t one. He’s too close, too big, and even if I made a break for it, where would I go?

      “Don’t…” I say. “Please…”

 “Gonna warm you right up, make it feel real nice, if you’re a good girl.”

 My chest feels tight, cold air hissing in my throat as I struggle to gulp it in. My heart is racing, but I feel disconnected, as though I’m not here, as though this is happening to someone else. I feel his breath on my neck, the warmth of his fingers as they slip inside my cardigan. I feel like I should be fighting, kicking and screaming and clawing at his face, but I’m so numb. So scared.

 His thumb brushes my nipple and it shocks like electricity.

      “Knew you fucking wanted it,” he grunts.

      A strange sense of detachment washes over me, a sense of being sucked into a pit, where there is nothing, where everything is easy, where I can hide in the quiet place in my mind and pretend this is not me. It’s his tongue against my ear that snaps me back to myself. It feels wet and hot.

“No,” I say, and my voice sounds stronger this time. I’m wriggling, trying to bring my legs up, squirming away from his mouth.

 “Chill the fuck out,” he hisses, and my heart pounds in my ears.

 The rumble of cars at the top of the street spurs me on, and I lash out, catching him hard across the face. He swears and stumbles, touching his cheek for just long enough for me to kick out and make a run for it.       

“HEY!” he calls. “GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!”

 I hear his footsteps in the puddles behind me, the air in my lungs burning as my numb feet pound the street. I can feel him behind me but I daren’t look back, just keep focused on the light at the top of the street, at the sound of a car heading closer. I see the headlights, blurry through the rain, and the danger behind me drives me straight into the road. I’m waving, jumping, throwing my arms above my head as I hear the screech of tyres. I close my eyes, a rabbit caught in the headlights.

      I hear a car door slamming.

      I jump a mile as a hand grips my elbow.