CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

GWEN POV

Even knowing that I was never going to trust him again, Nolan continued his routine of coming over and spending the day with me. In a few weak moments, I wondered if it meant that he felt something for me. But then I remembered that his visits had to do with the baby. After all, he'd said that if not for the baby, he'd be out of my life.

A week and a day from when I was discharged from the hospital, I had a doctor’s appointment and there was no way that I could go to it without Nolan. He'd been sticking to his word to stay out of my way and not trying to make conversation, so the ride over was quiet.

  I felt good physically over the course of the week. There had been little to no cramping or spotting. Even so, as we approached the clinic, my nerves ratcheted up. Just because everything seemed okay didn't mean everything was okay.

      We walked into the clinic. I checked in and then sat in the waiting room.

      "Are you alright?" Nolan asked, sitting next to me.

      I turned to look at him, his steel green eyes watching me with concern. At that moment, I desperately wanted to give in to the need for him. For his strength. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

      I turned my attention away from him. "Yes, I'm fine."

  Several moments later, we were called back to the examining room. My doctor questioned me about how things had gone over the week, and to his credit, Nolan didn't intervene to complain about how I wouldn't let him wait on me hand and foot.

   "We’ll do another ultrasound and see how things look today. Before we get started, do you have any questions?"

She looked from me and then to Nolan.

 "If everything looks good today, what will that mean for the pregnancy down the road?” Nolan asked. I frowned at him, feeling like he had no right to ask questions about my pregnancy.

      "Let's see what we have going on before we discuss that, shall we?"

      I laid back on the table, lifting my shirt and pushing down my yoga pants as she squeezed a warm gel over my belly. She put the wand on my belly, moving it around. "Hmm."

      Panic shot through me. What did “hmm” mean? My hand shot out toward Nolan, grabbing his and squeezing. I looked at him, and as if he understood, he rose, folding my hand in both of his hands. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it. I hated that I needed him at this moment but couldn't deny that I appreciated that he understood.

      "There’s no change from last week—"

      I let out a little gasp. I wasn't getting better.

      The doctor looked at me. "That's not a bad thing. The good news is it's not getting any worse, and if it's going to resolve itself, it will take a few weeks. Everything about the baby looks fine. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

 Nolan’s hand squeezed mine, causing me to look up at him. Emotion swam in his eyes as he looked at me hopefully. I will admit that for a moment, my pettiness wanted to refuse his being able to hear the heartbeat. But while I wanted to protect myself from him, I didn't want to become mean like him.

      I turned my attention back to the doctor. "Yes. I'd like to hear the heartbeat."

      She flipped a switch, moving the wand a little bit on my belly again until a fast-paced flickering sound echoed through the room. My breath stalled in my lungs and tears sprang to my eyes.

      I was listening to my baby.

      "It's amazing." Nolan leaned over, giving me a kiss on my temple. "You're fucking amazing."

      For a moment, and only for a moment, I basked in the perfectness of this moment. My baby was alive and well. And Nolan, the man I had fallen for at the cabin, was here. While I would let myself savor this moment, I was never going to forget the other side of Nolan.

•

•

•

NOLAN POV

I'd missed doctors’ appointments when my ex wife was pregnant with April. I was a hotshot nineteen year kid who had taken his senior project in business and turned it into a half-million-dollar online nutritional company. But to do that, I had to work night and day as well as keep up on my studies. My ex wife had supported my work, urging me on, telling me not to worry about her and the pregnancy. At the time, I thought it was love talking due to the fact that I have found my human mate so early. I learned later that it was her desire for money.

Intellectually, I understood what I had missed by not being on those visits, but until this moment, until I saw the gray image on the screen and heard the heartbeat, I hadn’t truly understood it. Here was my child, growing, thriving, and the emotion of it threatened to bring me to my knees. The only reason they hadn't given way was that I was holding Gwen’s hand, doing my best to support and reassure her. I couldn't stop this well of emotion from bursting forth, from leaning over and kissing her temple in awe of her.

 As the appointment finished up, hope bloomed that Gwen’s attitude toward me was changed. Not that she had forgiven me or now trusted me, but perhaps she was open to the possibility. Open to the idea that I could earn her trust, earn her love.

 But the minute we left the doctor's office, she put distance between us physically as well as emotionally.

      "Now that we see that everything is okay, you don't have to babysit me anymore." She sat in the passenger seat, as close to the passenger side door as she could.

      I gnashed my teeth in frustration. "I don't have cooties, Gwen." I snapped and then chastised myself for my temper. This was what got me in trouble in the first place.

      My outburst earned me a slanted glare from her that told me I had just reminded her why she wanted me out of her life.

      I should've kept my mouth shut and yet I still couldn't. "Are you punishing me? You want to get back at me?"

      She pursed her lips at me. "I'm not punishing you, Nolan. But what is it they say? Once bitten, twice shy? In your case, I'm what? Three or four times bitten?"

      I turned my head, glancing out the driver’s side window, hating that she was right. Hating that I continued to do the very thing I didn't want to do. Hating that I would never be able to make it right.

      “What do you want from me, anyway?”

      Respect. Trust. Love. Fuck. I wanted her to look at me like she did in front of the fire at the cabin. Like the sun rose and set by me. Of course, I couldn’t tell her that.

      “I just want us to be able to get along for the baby’s sake.”

      “I’m doing the best I can, Nolan. It can take awhile for gold digging whores—”

      “Fucking hell, Gwen. I know what I said. You don’t have to keep reminding me. I don’t believe that. I never did. I was just . . .” Jeez, I couldn’t tell her I was jealous. She’d never believe it.

      “Just what?”

      “Drunk.”

 She shook her head. I'd never felt so small, so insignificant in my life.

When I got us back to her place, she retreated to her room as usual and I went to my spot in the kitchen to check in at work. When her father arrived home, I gave him a quick update, knowing that Gwen would give him the details, and then headed home.