CHAPTER FIFTY

GWEN POV

I awoke the next morning ready to start my life as usual but then remembered my life wasn't usual anymore. I was supposed to be resting, which meant I wouldn't be doing student teaching.

      It was probably just as well. My life was in turmoil. I wanted Nolan out of my life, but I knew that wasn't a possibility. Not now that he knew about the baby. I needed to use this rest time to figure out what I was going to do to protect my rights.

Looking at my phone at the side of my bed, I saw it was nearly eight in the morning. Dad would have already left for work, which meant I had the house to myself. I got out of bed, stopping by the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, and then made my way to the kitchen to fix myself tea and maybe some toast.

I nearly came out of my skin when I saw someone sitting at the kitchen table.

Nolan.

What was he doing here?

      He looked up at me, his eyes taking inventory of my body. It wasn't a sexual look. More like he was checking to make sure everything was all right.

      I crossed my arms. "What are you doing here?"

      "You know why I'm here."

      I huffed out a breath. "I'm not an invalid. I don't need a babysitter."

      He watched me for a moment and then let out a breath as he stood. "Can I make you some tea?"

      "I don't want anything from you."

      "I was about to make myself some eggs and toast. I can make some extra for you as well."

      I gaped as I stared at him. "So now you're going to disrespect me by ignoring me? and why are you in my house and trying to act like we are normal?"

      His jaw ticked, his eyes flashing with pain. "I'm not trying to disrespect you. You and I both know that I'm not going anywhere. I want to help you recover, and I want to make it up to you for how badly I treated you."

      "You know that's not possible, right?" I couldn’t see any scenario in which Nolan was able to redeem himself in my eyes.

      “I know, but that's not going to stop me from trying." His expression morphed into one of guilt and shame, and I wouldn't deny feeling happy to see it. To know that he understood just how vile he'd been. "I'm so sorry for all the things I said and did going all the way back to the cabin, and New Year's,and the other night. I've never met a woman like you. Someone who makes me feel things I don't understand."

      His words tried to worm their way into my heart and soften it, but I locked it down tight. "Do you always verbally abuse things that you don't understand?"

      He shrugged, looking helpless. "This is all new territory for me. And I get that you will never be able to forgive me—"

      "It's not about forgiveness, Nolan. I would never be able to trust you. How could I? By your own admission, you don't understand why you do what you do."

      He gave a single curt nod. "I understand, but you and I are going to have to find a way to work together for the baby." He gave me another sad stare. "If it weren't for the baby, I would absolutely do as you want, and I would be out of your life. I don’t want to hurt you. It guts me to see the way you look at me."

      I scoffed. "You’re trying to make me feel bad for you, for the man who called me a gold digging whore?"

      He winced. "No. I deserve your anger and mistrust. I deserve the disgust and revulsion, the hate that you feel for me. I'm sorry for what I did to cause it. And I'm sorry that I can't give you what you really want, to disappear off the face of the earth. I'm going to be here, in your life, if only peripherally, to help raise the baby. And before that, I want to be at all the doctor’s appointments. I want to be there for the birth. And I will do my best to stay out of your way as much as I can, but for right now, at least until your next doctor's appointment, I'm here. Especially when nobody else is with you."

      I realized I wasn't going to be able to get rid of him, so I turned on my heel and went back to my room.

      For the next two days, I woke and started my regular routine, only to discover Nolan sitting in my kitchen working on his laptop. Each time, he offered to make me breakfast, and each time, I got mad and left him there.

      I spent my days studying and researching my parental rights in my room, coming out only to make my own meals. In the evening, my father would come home and make dinner, which I would spend complaining to him about Nolan babysitting me. My father told me he wasn't sure about Nolan and at the same time, he supported Nolan coming over and taking care of me during the day. Traitor.

      Twice, April stopped by. I wanted to complain about her father to her but didn't and was relieved when she didn't bring it up either. Instead, I listened as she chatted about Cole and her concerns about the crowd he'd started hanging out with.

      On the fourth morning, I was prepared to enter the kitchen and see Nolan, so it was a surprise when he wasn't there. 

“Finally, he got the message.” I said to myself.

      "Would you like me to make you some tea?"

I jumped as Nolan’s deep voice spoke from behind me. "God, you scared me to death." His hands reached out to my arms to steady me.

      For a moment, I felt the warmth of his hands, but then remembering that I hated him, I pulled away. "I thought you got the hint and were gone."

      He gave me a smirk. "You're the one who needs to get the hint that I'm sticking."

      "Where were you?" All the other mornings, I had found him working in the kitchen.

      "I was in the living room. I got you something."

      My eyes narrowed at him in suspicion. "I don't want anything from you."

      "I know. Come and look anyway."

  He started to take my hand, but I tugged it away. Even so, I followed him to the living room. Resting against the back of the couch was an art piece that looked to have pages from a book and toys attached to it.

  I wanted to ignore it, but as I got closer, I found myself intrigued by it. I walked over to study it more closely. "What is this?"

   "It's a piece of art. What do you think?"

   I examined the work, forming my impressions. I crossed my arms as I turned to look at Nolan. "I think it speaks to how throughout history, society kept women in a certain lane, a box, but despite progress, those attitudes still exist."

  He flashed a grin. "I knew you'd say that. I could totally hear you saying it when I first saw it."

  My eyes narrowed. Was this a game? "You know, you and my father both continue this archaic attitude when you try to keep the weak little pregnant lady barefoot and at home."

      That effectively removed the smirk from his face. "Nobody thinks you're weak or incapable. Even independent women like you, Gwen, need support and help sometimes."

      I tried to shrug his comment away, hating that he was right. "Maybe so, but I don't need it from you. I don't want it from you." I headed back toward my room, looking back over my shoulder as I reached the hallway.

  Nolan stood facing the painting, running both hands through his hair as he blew out his breath. "You deserve this, Douglas," he murmured to himself.

  I almost felt sorry for him. But then I remembered that he was right that he deserved my anger. He had destroyed my faith in him. There was nothing that he could do to get it back.